My son is 2.5 and I just need a bit of a "me too" from anyone out there that might have been through a phase like this and what happened after?
I am a single mum and handling everything on my own. His father has visitation since DS turned 1 and after 6 months of supervised visits began 1 over night a week but it didn't last.
His father doesn't help me at all otherwise and rarely turns up to visitation.
Any prompting there has been met with abuse towards me so it is really up to me. My family dont help and wont, they are of the opinion I made my bed.
I am 38 and have ADHD and have had trouble grounding in life until DS was born to me alone in pandemic.
DS looks like a 3.5 year old to many. He's wide and quite heavy but not overweight.
He had been a fussy and bossy baby but he has strong empathy and a lot of charisma and character.
Hes very willful.
An example of why I am writing would be last Thursday.
Ds has always been extremely active, learned to walk at 8.5m and was predicted to walk early by Dr's at 4m due to his strong core which was HELL to rear. He jumped and stomped on me until my thighs were bruised, I had sever diastasis and he demanded on every waking moment for mummy to BE Jolly Jumper which he refused anything else of the sort.
It requires specifics to make him smile and he had cows milk intolerance.
I copped a lot of hatred for being a single mother, and very little help due to the pandemic. I walked myself to the hospital many times in the winter to be seen and was homeless for a while in my T1.
DS stood once at 8.5 months and never really fell down, walked ever since. Never crawled.
So... THURSDAY (law and order chime) 2.5 hit hard.
We got up at 6:30 but before he'd mostly wake at 5-6am. (No naps since 12m)
We did some cuddles for 10 mins or so then jammed the routine and were out on time for the 30min morning walk then the bus at 9:15.
Got to swimming too early accidentally so i just did the class myself and he caught half his group before starting to kick me in the stomach and become difficult to manage so thats the cue to leave.
He screamed murder as usual until I got him in the pram dressed and gave him a banana. He has to eat after swimming even before I am dry, or he just screams my head off. Often they have a raw feeling after spending so much energy. I remember that when i was a kid.
I took him to the big park and we hung out there with some take out for 1hr or so then he just started to walk back himself. I was positive and didn't snap or anything at him even though it was gruelling.
We got the bus, then we were on the trail walk home which takes up to 1hr. He went the extra long way to a park near where we live and then wanted to play there.
By now it had gotten quite hot and I realised I had been out on foot for 5.5 hrs. he had been on foot for at least 4hrs.
I called it in home and he threw a tantrum.
We got home and he wanted his non swimming day activities.
Drawing followed by painting followed by play-dough then play out back then in again for afternoon tea then Mr Potato then mum play the Wii for me then tantrum - this is now every day formula and it never gets easier.
By this point he has trashed half the house at least 4 or more times, pulling out all his books, every box set and shelf set and throwing them everywhere, all his blocks, cars, monster trucks, texters without lids anything he could get.
It was a rampage and an surprise attack though he does this daily i thought he'd have been too tired or satisfied by now, but no.
Still after all I didn't get him to bed until 7:30 because to him he just wasn't tired.
I was though and basically just put him in bed crying said a quick goodnight and closed the door and often have to do this now or the audience just keeps him up. I have done the Jo Frost back to technique for over a year, he's figured it out, too big for the cot since forever.
The next day it turns out i had a shoulder injury obviously from the sheer chaos of the day before and have been dealing with that since. I thought it was just an odd day of hyper-energy but no... this new toddler is hear to stay and I am absolutely not coping.
His father wont speak to me like an adult. He verbally abuses me and gives abusive and sabotaging advice when i ask for help and at one point entrapped me in his car so he could scream at me for 20minutes abuse and allegations that didnt make sense in front of our son, to get out of minding him as agreed.
He has two previous grown kids, I am a first time mum. He never puts in extra time is lazy abusive and neglectful as well as unemployed.
I guess what I am saying here is that even previous to Thursday (hell day)
DS started amping up but then from Thursday he has just been non stop often waking in the night at different times and from the crack of dawn until 7pm I dont get a moment to myself unless stolen.
I have tried a lot of strategies around that too.
i hate to say I am dreading every morning and am beginning to feel a kind of burnout haunting.
I am so run down. He has ripped a sizeable chunk of my hair out and i am at about 46kg. People look at me with disgust sometimes.
I am often so quietly stressed I cant eat but really the toll was getting covid 2 times plus pneumonia last year that did this to me. I have not been able to recover.
I had to care for DS with no help through it all and no inconsistency throughout because he's so sensitive about routines.
It could have killed me doing this every day.
Its so hard to explain but ... I am so worried that DS will be this high functioning forever or that it will gradually get to a point that i cant physically manage him anymore.
I got him into daycare it took 2 years to get a spot.
His father wont pay for anything not even christmas. He quit his job recently so he doesn't have to and I worked hard the last two days making phone-calls in between tantrums trying to get any assistance I can for DS.
In a nut shell it's NEVER been this hard before and isn't showing signs of easing up.
Daycare will help but they immediately noticed how frail i am.
I often dont know if i can physically hang on much longer but his dad can't handle it either hence never showing up.
I have ADHD introverted and its too soon to know if DS has it too.
I have given him so many toys and he either just breaks them or refuses to play with them the way they're meant to be played with.
His bikes he just plays with the wheels or sits on them backwards or injures himself being silly (even on toddler trike) then shows interest when he's too big for them and tantrums when I put them out for room.
I give him so much encouragement and am killing myself in the process, it has to stop.
I cant keep typing my hands literally ache daily, I also have problems with my legs from all the physical activities.
We have been going outdoors daily for up to 2 hours since he was walking this includes training him out of running off which is gruelling.
I am so tired, i have no meat on me and its hard to function after he goes to bed to get everything done.
I will continue to respond for as long as I can but DS wont allow me internet / ipad / phone anything for more than 2 minutes unless its a call and even then only about 10 minutes before he starts breaking things and screaming because I am not looking at him
No, I am not joking.
Is this normal? Because I am so unhappy and I am so tired and I am so contemplating if i am capable to keep going given my state. I love DS so much obviously, but i cant keep it up.
There is so much unsaid. I have been through so much counselling so many services and none of them can help this includes online crisis services.
People just tell me I am so strong and for a while i hung to that but now.. i see my own face and i doubt it.
Even just words of support? I am having hard luck finding anything i have not done except getting him looked at for a spectrum disorder.
I am so tired I dont know what i have written makes sense.