4 year old won't listen

[Mcgmum]

I am just looking for some advice. My 4 year old DD has had a switch in her behaviour the past 3 months. Relentlessly won't listen to a thing she is told by me or her dad. Refuses to go to sleep and thinks of every trick in the book. We have tried everything from reward charts to taking her toys away. She has had all the strikes and just laughs when I shout. I've lost all emotional happiness and just dread every day. We still have seperation anxiety at nursery over a year later, over chewing food and she used to make herself sick down the throat when she was tiny. I'm on the verge of a breakdown and don't know what to do. Will it pass? Is it me? I feel like I'm the problem I'm a bad mum.

So sorry that you're struggling @Mcgmum

If you are dreading every day I think you need to speak to the GP, you might have depression.

As for your DD, is she in Nursery now or has she started school?

How's her speech and language?

What have Nursery said about her behaviour?

It might be worth also asking your HV to do the ASQ for 48 months

We are still at nursery and have good and bad days with the seperation. Her nursery say she is striving and doesn't show any signs of concerning behaviour and she stops the crying within about 30 seconds. I feel more relieved knowing she's not cried in the morning and I find it easier to deal with the day positively.
Her speech and language is great for her age and she's advanced with her counting etc she can have full blown conversations and shows empathy and emotions when having a conversation.
She just responds with I don't know when asked why she is behaving badly or why she crys.
She's stern in just I'm not tired I don't want to sleep, or I don't like that food when she does.

She will change the conversation and wakes herself up during the night worried about who is taking her nursery the following day.
Child anxiety maybe I just don't know or maybe a phase and I'm just over thinking everything!

We did have the health visitor 6 months ago and she wasn't expressing anything other than the usual crying which she wasn't concerned about and agreed she's advanced for her age.

I'm just at a bit of a loss. Thanks for replying @PritiPatelsMaker

Ok so I'd do the speech and language progress checker that I posted, even if her speech is advanced. It might show up any areas of concern.

Do you think that asking your HV to do the ASQ test I posted would be useful?

That sort of level of anxiety could be a sign of ASD. I'm not suggesting she has ASD, but it's one possible cause of her behaviour.

A picture timeline of what's going to happen in the morning might help.

My DD has terrible time sleeping and needed a lot of reassurance. Very little helped unfortunately but she did settle better with some quiet lullabies playing on YouTube abs some of the sleepy products from Lush.