Five year olds!

[Justhereforaibu1]

Hello. Just looking for some advice really and wondering whether my DD is behaving fairly normally or if anyone has any experience of the same. Any advice welcome. DD is 5,we love her to bits but she is such hard work. Despite trying everything, health visitor route etc she is still having wee accidents and wet at night. This isn't the main thing. She is infuriatingly stubborn. Every day is a battle. It takes us 90 minutes in the morning to get her ready for school. Constantly wanting to watch TV, only allowed 1 hour a day. Nagging. Weekends doesn't want to leave the house, battle to get out for a walk or a cycle. Massive tempers tantrums when she doesn't get her own way. 5/6 a day at the weekend. Wants a parent to sleep with her every night (we don't always). Just wanting a vent really, and solidarity, on my knees with frustration and exhaustion 😞

Despite trying everything, health visitor route etc she is still having wee accidents and wet at night.

I don't think they worry about night wetting until 7 and then the GP can do a blood test to see if they are physically capable of staying dry at night. Frustrating though. Is she wetting at school?

Every day is a battle. It takes us 90 minutes in the morning to get her ready for school. Constantly wanting to watch TV, only allowed 1 hour a day.

Could she have a treat for getting ready? We tried multiple things with our DD but a short to programme once she was ready for school seemed to have the most success.

Weekends doesn't want to leave the house, battle to get out for a walk or a cycle. Massive tempers tantrums when she doesn't get her own way. 5/6 a day at the weekend.

Could she be overtired or do you think there is something more going on? What do her teachers say?

Thanks so much for replying. Yes wetting at school. In fairness this is getting better.

I was concerned about DD wetting at school as she was having accidents up to when she started.

The Reception Teacher assured me that it's normal In Reception and lots of them do have accidents.

If you're concerned that she's a bit older, or maybe having lots of accidents, could you ask the Teacher for a meeting about how she's doing in school and the accidents?

Sorry replying on the app so have to keep posting then flicking back! We do promise a short program when she's ready, but she will whine and complain all morning, so that there's only about 5 minutes left for one by the end. This morning I tried explaining that the sooner she got ready the more TV she would have, but no, no movement 🙈.

Teachers say she struggles to concentrate occasionally but nothing to worry about.

Tiredness could be at play, but the meltdowns happen all times of day. She seems hyper if anything. The key trigger is not getting her own way

Yes in year 1 now. Have spoken to teacher who hadn't even noticed. Did offer plenty of help then such as reminding to go and prompting to drink. It is getting better slowly.

Ok so if she's having trouble concentrating as well, what's your gut feeling on this? Does she seem in step with her peers? How is she socially at school? Does she have a nice group that she plays with? Does she do any activities after school?

I don't know really, she has a good bunch of friends, so no worries there. I guess I'm just wondering if such volatility is to be expected, I thought the toddler type tantrums would be long gone by now. Almost all the mums I'm closest to have boys and they seem very different! I don't think her "girl" friends behave as she does. She does after school club 4 days, craft etc, and swimming after one of those. Enjoys the swimming, doesn't mind after school but would rather be at home of course.

Sometimes I suspect ADHD or autism, she is extremely hyper or prone to being hyper one moment and rubbing her eyes and whining the next. She does become more volatile if I pick her up early unexpectedly, so likes routine.

I was wondering about that too @Justhereforaibu1. My DD was late to talk, was later to potty train than her brother and had trouble sleeping without a parent being there. She sounds very similar. I think it's definitely worth reading up on ASD in girls and asking SENCO to have a look at her.

Of course it could be tiredness. She's doing a lot with the after school club and swimming. Not a criticism of course but it might be worth having a few early nights and a quiet weekend.

How's her speech? Before you speak to SENCO I'd do this progress checker.

If you do think that she would benefit from an ASD assessment I'd ask SENCO to refer her to Caudwell Children, if you can afford the fee as they take 12 weeks from referral

I'm so sorry I've not been back after your kind replies, have had a rough week with sleep!

She's always been good with speech, spoke very early etc.
I did that quiz and she came out OK with that. Will definitely read up on ASD in girls though now that I have a few moments. Both myself and her Dad although undiagnosed are definitely "neurospicy" as someone here put it!

I have a similar almost 5YO OP so you have my solidarity. Tbh it sounds like you might need to be more consistent. Be absolute with your consequences. If she can't cope with the bargaining of TV then 'I'm sorry darling but being ready for school is the priority so we will focus on being ready for school from now on. If you can show me that you can get ready quickly and be ready for school then you can have TV after school but you're not able to get ready on time in the mornings to watch TV so it's not an option I'm afraid'

I would make it as easy as you possibly can for her to get ready in the morning independently as well which saves you having to bark isntructions at her. Have a total uniform and underwear set out in her room for her to put on. Have her toothbrush within easy reach and even put the toothpaste on it night before if needed.

With the sleeping I think again you need to be absolute. Either you're prepared to sleep in her bed or you're not. The uncertainty will ultimately be making her more anxious. You could try the 'moving chair' method if you want to phase it out but otherwise I'd just let her tell you when she's ready to stop.

I think consistency and predicability is best with this type of child and try not to budge with expectations and consequences

Thank you, you make good points. At the moment it would be a cold day in hell before she would dress herself!

Reading your post I am both relieved and worried - relieved because your daughter sounds VERY similar to my 5yo DD and worried because your DD is in yr1... I was hoping my DD would get beyond this by then but I guess that's not going to be the case!
My DD is still in nappies at night but dry all day. I am not worried about the night nappies tbh.
But like your DD it is constant tantrum central and mornings are awful. Agree - no chance of independent dressing. Although 100% able she just doesn't want to. I find the constant bargaining and negotiation very trying, and doesn't feel like effective parenting. Making a game of it sometimes helps, but not every time, and tbh I cannot make a game of every step of getting ready every day....
I read 'how to talk so little kids will listen...' am some strategies help a little but it's not live changing.
But when she is happy and we are all on an even keel then she is wonderful, funny etc.
Sorry, no helpful suggestions but offering solidarity too!