A wee handhold please
My DS is nearly 3. These past few weeks have been very very hard.
His sleeping has been all over the place, and as a result, I’m tired and grumpy. I’m very run down and it seems like I’ve picked up a never-ending list of bugs. Covid, tonsillitis, a tummy bug, tonsillitis again.
I’ve been existing on 3.5- 5 hours a night for the last three weeks. And I’ve been a horrible horrible person. I’ve been grumpy and shouty.
I normally try very hard to do gentle parenting, and try to be empathetic and
calm. I mean, I have my off-days, but broadly i manage it and DS and I have a brilliant relationship.
But since Christmas, I’ve been a dick. I’ve been snappy, shouty and close to tears. The slightest misbehaviour rankles and I feel like I’m on my knees, I can’t reach for all my useful tactics and strategies to get through. I’m like a volcano.
The worst is that DS has now started to emulate some of these behaviours. He shouts at me, and he’s just horrid to me, he loses his rag quickly and sometimes he deliberately misbehaves. It’s not his fault but I see his reactions, see that he’s learned them from me and see that I’ve failed.
I’m stuck in a horrible cycle - I’m tired, ill and grumpy. He’s grumpy, and I react badly. Then he gets more grumpy and feeds off me. I feel like I need to hit the reset button but I have no idea how. I just want to stop and rest and recover but me and DH are on our own with no family nearby and no-one to help.
Please know that I am not blaming my DS for this, it’s not his fault. I’m the one getting it wrong.
Can I fix this? How?