7 year old anger, emotions and outbursts

[bingo876]

Hi all, really struggling here so any advice or experiences appreciated

My 7 year old is so angry and also has low self esteem

If he loses a game, hurts himself, gets told 'no', etc. he just cannot deal with it. He goes into a mega sulk where he will cry, scrape his fingers down his face, shout at me to go away when I try to comfort him, stomp off to his room and make shouty/wailing/crying noises for up to an hour
There's obviously a huge amount of frustration that he doesn't know how to express
He will also regularly be rude, if I say no to something, he'll say 'well I am so whatever' or if I ask him to stop doing something or put something away he just won't listen.

I've tried teaching him deep breaths, having 5 mins space, hugging it out, punching a pillow, dancing it out, speaking our emotions etc etc and nothing sticks

After an episode of this, he will say things like 'I'm a bad person', 'I don't deserve anything', 'I wish I had a different life'
It's heartbreaking. I've never said any of these things to him and when he says them I assure him I will always love him no matter what, a bad day doesn't mean he's a bad person, he's learning things, everyone struggles with feeling frustrated/mad/sad etc

I just don't know how to deal with this. It probably happens 3 times a week

Any advice please? I'm getting really low and depressed and scared my little boy is struggling. I'm also starting to struggle to keep my patience (which I know is exactly what I need to model!)

Thanks

To add:

I also have a 1 year old. I try to divide my attention but im a single mum so it's been tricky for the past year.
I do make a big thing out of it when we get some time just me and him though, try and make him feel special and important

His dad hasn't been the most stable or consistent figure in his life which I feel may be contributing to this issue

Anyone?

Hi. I don’t have any answers for you unfortunately but my 5 year old son acts very similarly. The anger outbursts are really challenging at the moment and I just don’t know how best to deal with it

Have you considered he might be neurodivergent?

Hi OP. Wondering if you’re still around and how you’re getting on? My DS is very similar (also 7, nearly 8). Uses similar phrases to yours and also shouts ‘don’t talk to me’ a lot. Gets very angry if we say the wrong thing, is particularly worried about how he looks (very specific about his hair, clothes, etc, and upset about them). Told me today he thinks his head and lips look horrible and fat.

Im at a loss as what to do because any attempt to talk to him about this, even when he’s not upset, just makes him really angry.

Did you find anything that helped with your DS?