Teacher said 3yo doesn't listen and has hit at nursery

[Anne191119]

DS has been to a small nursery for one term so far, two mornings a week. We've just started him an extra 3 afternoons at the school nursery we'd like him to go to as baby no.2 will be here soon and was hoping he'd be settled and have something to do once I'm busy with baby.

Today was only day 3 of new nursery so I know it's a lot for him and still very new but at collection time his teacher said he'd slapped another child (she said it could have been an accident) and that he's not been listening to them this afternoon - getting toys out when he shouldn't and generally not doing what he's told.

He's never had a problem at his other nursery so it's upset me quite a bit. He said sorry to me and his dad straight he away for hitting and that it was an accident and we've reiterated that he has to listen to his teachers when they speak to him if he wants to go to nursery. He loves going. I'm a bit worried that they're expecting a bit much of a 3yo because it's a school nursery and his other one was more relaxed with smaller kids and they could kind of do what they want a bit more. Do most 3yo listen well?? He's always been very active and strong willed tbh but we've been working on getting him to listen better to us at home. I didn't expect much of that til he was closer to school age really.

Also it's afternoon session and he's only done mornings previously. He doesn't nap anymore for a little while but he does get tired in the afternoons which make it much harder for him to pay attention. The wanted to switch him to mornings in September.

I suppose I just wanted opinions ok the whole situation and what to do. I've never had an issue before and as I say it's upset me to hear. I do everything to help him know right and wrong and be a good boy.....

What's your overall gut instinct on the new Nursery?

@PritiPatelsMaker It's a nice school as far as Ive seen, I was impressed when I went for the tour and the children all seemed well behaved and it's and outstanding rating. I know my son is very active - he's never been one to sit down for very long and definitely doesn't listen deliberately on occasion but he's not a bad kid at all he's just young (turned 3 in November) and testing us in my opinion when he does these things. As I say we've been working on any behaviour at home but I've never thought he has an issue or seen it as a big problem. My gut says they might be expecting too much from him to follow instructions....I think the other kids are mostly about to move up to reception so are that little bit older and he's used to younger kids and his current nursery. Maybe I just need to give him more time to settle, I know it's only been a few days I'm just shocked and upset I suppose to hear anything negative so soon.

Personally I don't think he's too young to follow some instructions. Most DC will have some form of group activity at that age where they listen to stories or sing.

How was he doing with activities like these at playgroup or his last Nursery?

Some instruction yes I agree which he does. He's strong willed sometimes which we are working on when he has one of his moments and chooses not to listen. He's only there for 3 hours in the afternoon so maybe he's just had a difficult day with this being his first week. He's never had an issue at his first nursery, the most they've ever said was he didn't want to sit on the chair for nativity practice but they were working on it and when we came to watch him he was perfect and sat very well the whole time. His teachers there have only ever said how clever he is to us.

Im not sure what else I can do to help him do as he's told apart from reiterate before we take him in and hope he settles over the next few weeks?

Keep an eye as to how he does up until the summer OP. If it doesn’t improve or gets worse I would seek some advice, try and find out if he’s not in line with his peers there.

Not trying to alarm you, but this type of thing was the first inkling we had that our DS is neurodivergent. All small stuff on paper but enough for the staff to raise so he was obviously standing out. My DS was just turned 3 too.

Your DS may well settle down, he is very young and I do know of little ones who’ve had a rocky start but then settled into the new routine. Waiting until the summer will let you see if he does or not.

WRT the other nursery, my DS was identical. He was fine in his private day nursery, but I think compared with the school settings the staff/child ratio is much smaller, so each child gets less adult attention, plus more expectations on listening and cooperating.

Hi @Anne191119 i was wondering how your son is getting on now please? I am in a very similar situation, and it really gets to me

@SS1983 Hiya, Its horrible isn't it, I'm sorry you're going through it too. He's settled a bit more for sure over time and still has days where the teacher mentions if he's been a bit daft or 'not made good choices' as they like to phrase it. Overall tho they haven't mentioned anything to me nearly as much as in the beginning. I spoke to them and said I didn't have an issue at home with him so was unsure exactly how to help but want to obviously help him in any way I can so asked them to let me know how he was getting on and I'd use his sticker chart to reward etc and they say he's been fine when they do comment on the most part. He still has days where he's been daft and I'm well aware he blatantly ignores when he wants to but as his main teacher says - he's only 3! They're learning and boys especially can be a bit more physical at this age. I hated hearing anything negative as anyone's does i suppose but It happens and we can only try an help. It's very hard when we're not there. Some kids take longer to settle, some push boundaries but I'm sure they'll all get there with time. They're only very young and I know other nursery teachers that have commented that they think it's a bit much to have spoken so many times with me ( first time they told me he'd not listened well was his 3rd day!! ) and that it's their job as teachers to help them and shouldn't expect too much at this age. Anyway I think all we can do is have a chat with the staff and do our best to help where possible. I hope your LO settles soon too - one day they'll be 18 and we'll wonder why we ever got so stressed 😅