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Behaviour/development

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Almost 2 year old development concerns

14 replies

Corilee2806 · 08/01/2023 19:19

Wondering if anyone can advise or has had similar experiences - think I’m going to speak to my HV but don’t want to time waste and be worrying over nothing, as I’m generally quite anxious at the moment - although a lot of this is connected to how much I’m struggling with my son.

He’s 2 in a few weeks and my general sense is that he’s not showing signs of ASD but some of his behaviours are challenging and concerning me a bit - it’s just telling how much of it is normal 2 year old behaviour or what might be red flags. I have a 4 year old DD and never experienced anything like this so it’s a real shock. He has almighty meltdowns which can be impossible to distract him from, really upsetting to witness and can last up to half an hour. He wasn’t saying much until recently, in the last month he has started to increase his vocabulary but mostly single words, animals etc, but can say ‘more please’ and ‘see it’ - think quite normal and still lots of babbling so I’m less concerned about that now but I could be wrong!

the thing I’m concerned about is his behaviour around other children. He is ok with his sister although doesn’t play with her much yet but has been known to bite and pinch her which is really upsetting. He doesn’t show interest in other children at all really and in the last few weeks I’ve noticed he actively avoids them and seems to be scared of them, running to me for comfort if one approaches him - even a crawling baby! When we have play dates he hides out of the way and doesn’t want to be involved. We have also tried various group activities from swimming to a singing group or messy play and we had to leave everything early as he was just hating it.

his eye contact is fairly good and I think he points sometimes but he often gets frustrated and can’t communicate what he wants, just standing at our legs and screaming and then getting us to pick him up and sort of thrashing around to try and get to what he’s after - I sort of remember my daughter doing this at 1ish but not 2?

he does some pretend play, like feeding and dressing his toy giraffe so that’s positive. But at the moment he mostly spends his day playing with water and pouring it quite obsessively into different containers - although I know that can be a normal development stage too. He does like cuddles and stories and being with his family - just not so good around less familiar people. I suspect this may run in my OH’s family!

I know he’s still quite young and it’s still too early to tell but should I raise this or will I be told I’m being over anxious? Whatever is going on, some of his behaviours have led me to feel quite stressed and unwell, especially the meltdowns, which are making me want to stay home with him and not socialise when I know I should be getting out and about. I just want to make sure he’s getting the care and attention needed - he also has a medical condition which could make his school years quite challenging so I am extra worried mum about it all when it comes to his future. Any advice would be much appreciated!

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Corilee2806 · 08/01/2023 19:20

Also just to add, I work 3 days and he is looked after by family - I wonder if he’d benefit from a more social environment or if that could be worse for him?

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Corilee2806 · 09/01/2023 09:48

Hopeful bump!

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Losinmymind · 13/01/2023 17:38

Hello@Corilee2806 I could have written this myself. My DS is 21 months and has an older sister. Never experienced this before, she wasn't any bother at all, but am finding this time quite challenging. We have very few words (hopefully our own word explosion is coming!), Doesn't particularly seek out other children (tho I think this is quite normal), he spends teatime moving his water from his cup to his bowl and back again (!), And bites and scratches his sister something rotten. What really struck me and made me want to message was how you said you've said you've become withdrawn socially, I'm in the same boat. Some days I feel okay about it all, other days I'm convinced something is 'wrong'. So no advice, I'm sorry, but absolute solidarity xx

Losinmymind · 13/01/2023 17:42

PM me if you ever want to chat @Corilee2806 💐

Corilee2806 · 14/01/2023 17:35

Ah thanks for the reply @Losinmymind - it does make me feel better knowing I’m not alone. I think that’s a big part of it - the shock if your older one had a very different temperament! I definitely feel the same - sometimes worried and sometimes more chilled depending on how he is that day. I actually spoke to the HV and as he is nearly due his 2 year check they suggested getting that booked in fairly soon and taking it from there. So that should be a helpful start.

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mthrofflwr · 24/01/2023 10:34

@Corilee2806 I'm also going through the same situation

Clingypup · 30/01/2023 18:01

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This has been deleted by MNHQ as it looked like the work of a troll.

Corilee2806 · 30/01/2023 18:17

I wonder if the time out type method only works for when they are a bit older though when they have understanding and if they’ve done something wrong? He has escalating meltdowns when he can’t have something he wants but he isn’t being ‘naughty’ and wouldn’t understand if I said ‘go and sit there til you calm down’ today he wanted to go out in the garden for the 10th time but I didn’t want him to, he was actually smashing his head on the patio doors, it was quite scary. I know distraction is the main technique but nothing will distract him in these scenarios.

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Clingypup · 30/01/2023 18:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it looked like the work of a troll.

ForeverHopeful67 · 30/01/2023 21:49

Hi @Corilee2806 no real advice here but thought I'd drop a message as in a similair situation. DD is 2 in March, only child, and I also have some concerns that could be red flags but not sure if I'm being over anxious! No real words here yet just lots of babble, some pretend play with baby, and excellent joint attention. Similarly often watches other children but doesn't really join in yet. How is your little ones understanding / ability to follow instructions? X

Corilee2806 · 31/01/2023 15:44

@ForeverHopeful67 sounds like there are definitely some similarities! My son has really come on with his language within the last month or two which is helping, he has pretty good understanding I’d say which means he can follow instructions, but when it’s not something he wants to do there’s just no persuading him! Or stopping him doing something he shouldn’t be. I feel like he’s not yet able to understand any kind of negotiation or persuasion, I try and keep calm and take him away from the situation but he just melts down and screams and starts bashing his head on whatever he can find. I wish I knew a way of stopping this - other than letting him do whatever he wants I’m not sure what the answer is!

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Corilee2806 · 20/02/2023 22:39

Just wanted to update on this - my son had his 2 year check today and scored highly on the social emotional questionnaire- the HV gave us the option of referring him straight away or taking a bit of a ‘wait and see’ approach as he’s just about to start nursery - we’ve decided to do that and see how he settles there and if things improve particularly with the interaction with other children. There were lots of positives but I’m glad I had the review a bit early as the HV got to see the very best and worst of his behaviour!

not sure what happens next but hopefully in a few months we’ll see a change and as his language improves things will get easier.

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mthrofflwr · 21/02/2023 01:52

@Corilee2806 is he started speaking in sentences

Corilee2806 · 21/02/2023 06:44

Not full sentences yet - starting to put some together though eg ‘I want more …’

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