6yr olds behaviour unmanageable

[TTCagain85]

We have a ds aged 6, only child. Recently his behaviour is starting to become unmanageable.

As a family we spend a lot of time together. Admitting that as an only child he probably gets too much in terms of what he wants and of our attention.

It is now 10.45pm. We bathed him at 7.30 and put him to bed. He is screaming he hates us and wants to kill us all because we won't let him sleep in our room.

Usual warnings and consequences have been enforced and made little difference. For instance, a warning that his toy would be taken away. Behaviour continued so the toy was removed. Behavior continued further and his screen time revoked for one day, then two days then indefinitely as the behavior persisted.

We've tried being calm in our responses. We've tried not negotiating with him. We've tried quietly and gently lifting him into his own room. He is just flying into these mental rages..

I'm at my wits end.

That does seem extreme. How is his behaviour at school?

He is well behaved in school. Now I've had a chance to calm down I'm wondering if it was a culmination of over tiredness and back to school nerves as he started back today. We've had him back to normal bedtimes since new years eve as he had some late ones over Xmas period. He is generally well behaved, but when he has outbursts boy are they bad!

We've instigated an indefinate kids YouTube ban...I think the fact the kids are the centre of the universe on those channels portrays an unreal reality of who is in charge.

How often are these outbursts? He could just be overtired, but after years of being told it's normal, blaming it on Covid etc, my DD had one of these meltdowns at school and is now being assessed for autism. Not saying that's the case for you but may be worth investigating.

Why can't he sleep in your room?

It might be an easy way out but my god isn't life just too short? Or let him go to sleep in your room and move him? You've let your little boy get I to a state and probably very tired and the reason actually is.....? I'm curious

Because we want our space back. We have suffered 3 miscarriages in a row, one late 2nd trimester. We don't have any time to ourselves to be intimate and I think as parents of a 6yr old it is reasonable that our son should not be sleeping in our room every night...which he always does at one point or the other in the middle of the night. We have to set some boundaries. I think it is reasonable that if we say no to him sleeping in our room that we should stick to our guns. He cannot learn that the bigger the tantrum the better the outcome.

Jesus

1 - because it isn’t right for children to be sleeping with their parents, for a variety of reasons

2 - because allowing that would teach the child nothing in terms of obeying whatever their parents tell them to do

Hi, I’m sorry to hear about what you are going through. Have you tried the Moshikids app? It has some free content to use. It’s audio so there is nothing to watch and works with the screen closed. It will play via a Bluetooth speaker so you don’t have to leave the device in the room. Or put the device out of reach if it has to be left in the room. It will play offline too. I’ll be honest, I do work for Moshi but it really can work well 😊

Isn't right? What isn't right about it

This isn't about obeying this child is distressed how anyone can let their child get so hysterical for hours on end is beyond me and I'm certain there plenty of mothers who agree with me. Just probably not on mumsnet. As for teaching a child to obey in all honesty I'd rather raise a child that can think for himself and express emotions

I do get this honestly I do have been there with the miscarriages. Its an emotional time. But whether he sleeps in your room or not doesn't change this. Your emotions don't change. Your son however will feel more secure and loved by you. They don't stay little for long and he needs to see you care for him too

The adults bed and bedroom should be private from the children

Everybody is entitled to choose to co-sleep or not, and I wouldn't argue against others choice to do so. The big thing here is choice.

We have co-slept as a baby and intermittently in the past, but don't feel it is right anymore. Our quality of sleep was suffering and probably making us more deregulated emotionally as adults.

The weekend has went much better and persistence has paid off. We had a nice bath last night, followed by some sleepy massage stuff for kids. We talked about our worries and anxieties. I said the massage was mummy rubbing away his worries. I talked to him about his room being a safe and cosy space, that even though he is in there we check he is safe throughout the night. We checked doors were locked and windows were closed. We had a book and some cuddle time and then I played some sleep music in his room. He slept from 8pm through to 6.40am. His behaviour this morning was markedly improved. We created a reward chart together. He loves lego, so we have that when he does 7 nights in a row he can choose a new lego set (might be bribery 🤣) but he is motivated by goals and so we are tapping into that.

All in all, a happy household this morning from all being well rested. Everyone up a little earlier than usual but worth it for some quality sleep.

Fingers crossed it continues!

Rewarding basic good behaviour can be dangerous in my view

Children should behave because they should behave not because they’ll get a treat

Treats should be reserved for ‘exceptional’ performance (for want of a better word) not doing the basics

I get were you are coming from about rewarding basic behavior. We don't reward expected good behavior eg manners, sitting to eat, getter dressed etc. A lot of his behavioral issues were at night when he became overtired. We've always been very soft about bedtime, so I guess he is accomplishing a new skill.

As parents none of us always get it right "by the book", but this way is working for us right now and helping to show him he is perfectly capable of going to sleep on his own. Overall he is back to his usual self now he has caught up on sleep and is falling asleep completely independently after his book & a few minutes of cuddles. We will see what next week brings when no obvious reward in sight though 😉

I'm so sorry op, you came on here asking about your ds's behaviour after a really hard night, you must have been exhausted and it looks like you're being told how to parent!

None of us know you, none of us randos on the Internet have a right to question your parenting and whether or not you should co-sleep with your 6 yo!

I'll chuck my two penneth in though and say you sound like you're doing an amazing job, massage before bed, addressing his anxiety, getting his routine back after the holidays.

Those tantrums do sound brutal. If they're frequent, violent or damaging your home life then do talk to a professional for a bit of advice. If you're not worried, then you, as his mum, probably know him best and it is likely he's being a kid and all kids struggle to regulate their emotions sometimes.

Good luck x

Thank you for your empathy! On reflection my post was in the middle of a major tantrum and not indicative of his everyday behavior (thank goodness!), however if it did I would certainly seek professional help 🥰