Toddler having tantrums when Dad leaves the room

[Sarah92]

Does anyone else have this? My 18 mth old is fine and a normal 18 mth old - until Dad's around. From that point on he has a tantrum whenever Dad leaves the room, will only want to go to Dad if he wants a cuddle, wants to lead Dad around the house for hours and freaks out if he can't etc.. He's fine and loving with me the rest of the time so I don't feel particularly hurt, but it does mean that family time often feels spoilt. It's been going on min. 6 months and I'm worried that maybe there's some attachment problem somewhere ...

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Hi Sarah92, what you have described sounds exactly like what happens in my house! My ds is older than yours(2) but he has been similar for a long time. He would only see my dh really at the weekend and for short periods during the week. I have put it down to the novelty of daddy and that daddy just plays/ has fun(mummy does boring things like nappy changing etc).

For e.g, if we were in the car at the petrol station and dh got out to fill up/pay,ds would be hysterical and nothing would console him until daddy returned 2 mins later!So I can understand how it can be stressful. The worst for me is the daily hysterics when my husband goes upstairs to shower/get ready for work-ds is devastated-esp on Mon AM! I think it's a phase and we just go with it & indulge him-he snaps out of it quicker these days and now says "daddy work". I don't think it's anything to be concerned about though.

Hi Joh75, that's reassuring to read, and you sound fairly relaxed about it too, so thank you for responding!

Fimbo, did you mean to send a full stop or did your message disappear somewhere?

My dd is 20mnths and like it with me, (her mummy). The second I disappear around the corner out of sight, for instance she will be in the playpen in the kitchen, and I will go to the larder just to fetch something or get the washing out of the machine she screams hysterically. I can't go out of her line of sight for a second. After a while it can get quite taxing because she does it EVERY time I move out of her line of sight, which can be difficult when you have other things to do.

I think she just panics because she thinks I'm going and never coming back. I think it's just a phase they go through and they eventually learn that you are not gone forever and that you are still there, just in another room for a short while.

It's nice to read this. My daughter (15 mo) has been doing this since last August so we have now been putting up with it for six months. She screams for me if I leave the room - or even just move towards the door. Not usually when we are at home together but if we are with others (like at grandma's house) which we often are. And she's almost always with people (my mum, my sister) whom she sees every single week so it's not that she feels alone - she just sometimes only wants me. It's very annoying and can be very draining.

I'm hoping she'll grow out of it soon but otherwise am just ignoring it, apart from giving her lots of love and attention for the 23 hours and 59 minutes a day that we are together.

Fimbo was prob just bumping for you.

My ds and dd have both been through parent preference syndrome! IME it has happened most often to dp because he works so is in their eyes less reliably there. Therefore when he is there he must be held onto and clung to in case he disappears again.

Note. He is, of course, reliable and doesn't randomly vanish but children are dead odd

It'll pass, no indication of attachment problem. Let him go to DP and use it as excuse to play all together, so you both tickle him and chase him etc. It actually can be refreshing and useful to see what it is like to be secondary caregiver for a while... and to give chance for DP to be primary.