4.5 year old rude and emotional

[JumpingDino]

My 4.5 year old has been hard work since he was about 2.5.

He is really defiant and hates following requests to do anything. Often shouts things like 'no you stinky poo, I don't want that'or starts screaming. He can be incredibly rude and is triggered easily. This can be after basic requests like asking him to sit to eat or whether he wants to go to the park or shop. I've tried not asking too many questions, giving choices, being light hearted and calm, being strict and having consequences, reward charts... feel like we're running out of approaches. We stick with each for some time but his behaviour has not improved. Considering he's getting older, I'd say the behaviour is getting worse. Some days are complete write offs with him getting upset over and over about very small things. It ruins things for the rest of the family and our other DC as much as we try and ignore or not let it.

He does it around relatives or with people babysitting. Not quite as badly but it is embarrassing. He will be actively rude to visitors. I found Christmas hard as the extended family and friends visiting saw his behaviour. I know all children have moments but friends DC don't act up this much. It seems to be that he is particularly tricky.

School say he is fine there and generally follows instructions there, is sociable, likes to make the other kids laugh. He seems to love the routine of school. We have tried clear routines at home where we can.

Any advice?

That sounds difficult, especially if he's behaving at school.

Hopefully this will bump for you

I could have written this. Mine is the same age. No advice other than to say you are not alone. Mine is an angel at school. Horror at home. He can be sweet, loving, caring but also mental. He is very strong willed and once he's made up his mind that's it. He won't be told no. Huge tantrums. Says you are a poo. I hate you. I hate my family, etc. throws stuff. There's nothing we can do to unwind him, I just don't know what to do. He's worse when he's bored and tired. But has his moments other times too. Bed time is the worst.

We’re having similar issues. The morning before school and pre-bedtime is the worst. Think rolling on floor, shouting, rudeness.
worse when he’s tired or hungry but I’m really struggling at the moment. It’s his way with everything or it kicks off!