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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

When did you let your ds go into gents loo's alone?

24 replies

DrNortherner · 04/02/2008 11:32

Big stand off with ds in ASDA on Saturday. He wasnted to go into gents loo's alone not into ladies with me.

He is 5. (6 in April)

What do you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Blu · 04/02/2008 11:33

DS 6.5 goes in on his own now - but at 5 he still went with me.

tortoise · 04/02/2008 11:34

I let DS1 and DS2 go alone now but they are 10 and 8 and go in together.

marina · 04/02/2008 11:35

It all depends on location tbh
There are some I'd still be hesitant about and he's 8, and those include supermarket toilets, but from about 6-ish we have been phasing it in (he is small for his age which I do think can be a factor)
Not at 5 though

Niecie · 04/02/2008 11:36

Mine is 7 and still not keen to go on his own and I suppose I am not keen to let him for another few months, until he has learnt to wee without pulling his trousers down (i.e. through the fly)

theboob · 04/02/2008 11:37

ds1 is 7, he now goes in on his own but he is very small for his age and i still worry you never know who is lurking around in there i think 5 is too young if i had my way i'd still take my ds1 in with me maybe let him in the cubicle on his own this always worked for me

SorenLorensen · 04/02/2008 11:39

Yup, it depends on the toilets. Park toilets: never, not even when they're 35 - supermarket toilets I'm a bit wary of too. I think ds1 was about 7-8 , ds2 (just 6) still comes in with me if dh is not with us.

With ds1 (almost 11) I hover nervously outside, mentally timing wee....flush...wash hands...dry hands...and I have been known to call through the door "ds1..? Are you nearly finished?" He hates me. Obviously.

theboob · 04/02/2008 11:41

oh never thought of the fly situation niecie thankyou weeing lessons on return from school

OrmIrian · 04/02/2008 11:42

About 7 I suppose. The age when you start to get funny looks when they come with you into the changing room at the swimming pool.

Original poster

DrNortherner · 04/02/2008 11:49

Oh I hadn't thought about weeing through flies either.....

Of course I won the stand off, but it did get me to thinking about it. He too is small for his age.

AAArgh, another thing to worry about hey?

OP posts:

TsarChasm · 04/02/2008 11:53

Ds is 6 and I prefer him to come with me/us, but he sometimes goes into the gents on his own.

He always seems to take ages and I'm hovering about yelling through the door. I must admit I don't really like him going in on his own, but it's getting to the point where he's insisting he wants to go in the boys one. He's just got to the point where if it's anything to do with girls he doesn't want anything to do with it

FillyjonkisCALM · 04/02/2008 11:56

Mine is 4

I do let him if it is quiet and I stand outside. He feels incredibly strongly about it.

If it is a one entrance/one exit place I don't massively see the problem

Oh and I keep the door ajar (god the men using the loos must love me ) and he has to sing the whole time he is in there. And if he is not out FAST then I just go in.

gosh its occured to me, I am going to be a scary MIL one day...

theboob · 04/02/2008 11:58

oh god,me too i cant help thinking now no girl will ever be good enough for my boys lol

FioFio · 04/02/2008 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

marina · 04/02/2008 12:05

LOL at the singing Filly
It has to be revivalist or Victorian hymns surely?

Rock of Ages? Lead, Kindly Light?

Original poster

DrNortherner · 04/02/2008 12:06

One door could still be a problem - raving peado/drugy/local nutter could be loitering in a cubicle in there.........

Plus he wants to know why I don't want him to go in alone, and I don't want to scare him.

Think i will become a loitering mum too.

OP posts:

bubblepop · 04/02/2008 12:08

i won't let either of mine go into a gents toilet alone, asda or anywhere. they are 11 and 8 yrs.
if in doubt send them into the disabled loo and stand outside the door.

Niecie · 04/02/2008 12:27

I am trying to get DH to train DS1 to use his flies but we aren't getting anywhere (DH never remembers to take the opportunity when they are in the bathroom together). I expect several weeks of wet trousers when they do get started!

But I just don't think I can let DS go around showing his bum to every pervert and weirdo that might be hanging around.

Dr Northerner you are right. Worse thing is that I can't explain all this to DS, about how some men might take an unnatural interest in his bottom! He is too young so he sees no problem is revealing himself to the world. He also has a habit of coming out of the bathroom still pulling his trousers up which is not good so until he has stopped doing that I think I will have to keep him with me in public loos (or with his Dad of course, if he is around).

KTP · 04/02/2008 14:09

A 5 year old girl was molested and killed in a shopping centre loo (the single disabled one I think) here in Perth (Australia) about 18 months ago. It all happened in a couple of minutes, the uncle was standing outside. My son is 7, and although I know I'm being illogical, I can't let him go by himself yet.

FillyjonkisCALM · 04/02/2008 14:52

I must say, all this stuff hadn't really occured to me

the loos are normally empty anyway when we are shopping.

OrmIrian · 04/02/2008 21:15

It never really occurred to me either. At least it did but I dismissed it as being vanishingly unlikely. And I think that it's quite important that DCs learn a little independence and the self-respect that comes with it.

Pitchounette · 04/02/2008 21:19

Message withdrawn

Eulalia · 04/02/2008 21:23

ds1 is 8.5 and has autism and is funny about toilets. for about a year though he's not wanted to go to ladies toilets feeling he is too old but also funny about gents loos. we usually go into the disabled toilets which we can all go into (often all 4 of us, me and 3 kids) and because they are big plenty of room. Most supermarkets have these, cafes also.

BTW ds1 still comes into female changing rooms at the swimming pool and he is big for his age. Not had any funny looks yet.

blisscake · 04/02/2008 21:23

This is a biggy for me. Ds1 aged 5 refuses to use the ladies when he's out with me. I have let him use the gents by himself a few times when its a quiet and seemingly safe place. However as a rule I insist he uses the Ladies. It's always a battle but I don't think some of the public loos near us are particularly safe places.

dippica · 04/02/2008 21:36

I let them (7 and just 6) go in if they are together, and it does depend on where it is and who's around. But I hover outside too, and have been known to barge in if they are taking too long.
DS2 has no shame - he sits/stands there with the door wide open, and wonders out with his trousers round his ankles. I really need to sort it out!
But its a real battle to get them to come to the girls with me instead - and you have to resist telling them too much about why it might be dodgy, don't you.

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