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Behaviour/development

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4 year old tantrums

1 reply

babymamaxox · 28/12/2022 20:39

I'm really looking for some advice. My daughter is 4 (turning 5 the end of jan) bedtime is starting to become a real struggle, she's always been a handful when it comes to bedtime but recently (past few weeks) she's been having tantrums and isn't going to sleep till 9pm, sometimes she can wake up in the middle of the night and have a tantrum also. It's always something really silly like my nose is annoying me, I'm cold, my throat hurts, I need a drink then she turns it into a tantrum for no reason. I don't know what to do. Nothing works. I've tried giving her rewards or doing a chart but she really does not care. I've tried putting her to bed later incase she's not tired but it makes no difference. She's just so stubborn in general😫 she's going to be sharing with her older sister soon and it's not fair on anyone for her to keep doing this.

OP posts:
ahappywife · 17/01/2023 04:55

From what you are describing, it doesn't sound like it's something serious that is wrong, but rather excuses. You are right in assessing that it's not fair for everyone to suffer because she is throwing a fit.

Apart from the usual, making sure she is getting the right kind of attention during the day (words of praise when deserved, plenty of cuddles and smiles), it can be difficult to figure out what approach to take.

You mentioned trying rewards, but that she could care less about them. Have you tried consequences instead? Figure out what she really DOES care about and let her know during the day that if that behavior occurs in the evening, you will be forced to take away a particular privilege or pleasure (whatever it is that you know matters most to her).

She's old enough for you to explain in the calm light of day that you don't want her to lose out on the privilege, but that in order to be a good mum, you can't allow her to continue acting that way at night. She has to choose between her desired privilege or getting to throw a fit. It's completely up to her.

If she tests you (and she probably will), hold your ground and follow through. Remind her that she made the choice, not you. Encourage her to make a better choice the next night so that privileges are restored.

I've always found that calm consistency works best for me. If I let my emotions control my parenting, I find it easy to let my sympathies and desire for them to be happy in the moment override my good sense and then it takes them longer to learn to be little humans that care about others as much as themselves.

I hope this helps in some small way. :)

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