Older kid dummy epidemic!

[DianeH67]

Hiya I'm Diane and I've been browsing Mumsnet for years now and never felt the need to post. However I just made an account because I was just so utterly confused by the surge in dummy usage by older kids and wanted to know other's opinions. I am aware of special needs and sensory issues that may cause this but I'm starting to think it's becoming increasingly common.

In the last month, I've seen this happen at least 3 times. Firstly, a few weeks ago I saw a girl maybe the age of 7 or 8 walking down the road in her pyjamas (it was freezing out!) and sucking a dummy!
Next, in a shopping centre a couple days ago, a girl that was massively too big for the pushchair she was squeezed into (maybe 7 ish in a regular toddler pushchair) also sucking a dummy.
Finally, and most confoundingly, at the swimming pool I frequent, there's a girl that goes fairly often that also sucks a dummy. However, this one's 11 years old! I have become friends with her mother as we always have coffee while the kids are swimming and she told me that she doesn't have any special needs, just likes it! Now I don't know about you but if I was 11 sucking a dummy in public, I'd be completely mortified, especially if I saw anyone I knew!

Sorry for the long first post but the amount of times I've seen this in this short length of time has truly dumbfounded me. If anyone could weigh in on whether this is more common than I thought or not I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks in advance,
Diane

My 4 year old DD still has a dummy at the moment, she mainly uses it for car and at home but we also give her very occasionally when out and about such as shopping when we're very distracted .

She never took to another comfort so it's always been hers and we make sure she takes it pit to talk etc so it doesn't affect her speech.

She turned 4 in October and we hope to move it to just bedtime or the house ahead of starting reception.

I'd always thought I'd have got rid of it earlier but it hasn't affected speech, teeth or development so I haven't pushed it. She won't have it when she's 7 though.

I'm not sure if I'm in the minority but I definitely don't see a rush, although this doesn't match with your post in terms of age.

Yes, I completely understand the situation you're in. I don't think 4 is where it gets to an issue, however at some of the ages I've seen I think it's gotten a tad silly. Thanks for the response. :)

No I agree when she occasionally has it outI'm surprised she's not on the older end to some you may see. But she'll never have it when interacting.

I'm not sure if it's a change that has happened in the pandemic. Me and DH WFH so she doesn't go to nursery at the moment and we found with less contact with peers we've not pushed other physical milestones as fast as they're a comfort and not causing negative affects. For example we forced through potty training with my older DD at 2.5 and it took a couple of messy months. My 4 year old hasn't shown an interest yet so we're still using nappies as well. I don't think it makes us bad parents we've just chosen a step back approach and allowed her to focus on emotional development.

I'm not sure if this is comparative yo the older children and they've suffered regression they've struggled to break out of. Although my eldest is 7 and never wanted any of this through the lockdowns etc

@DianeH67 This is such a point I never here mentioned but I see it as well, glad someone brought it up as it's driving me crazy!

In the past few weeks I've seen:

1. a girl around 7-8 in school uniform trailing her mum with a dummy, her friends must've been able to see her.

2. a boy about 6 in the queue for shopping at the shopping centre asked for one and then his mum gave him it straight away.

3. when my 4 year old had a play date the older sister of the friend she visited who is9 was playing separately with a dummy in her mouth. The mum is a good mum beyond that so I was very confused to see it, but I didn't bring it up at the time

No way these kids need them my girls got rid at 1 no problem. Do you have kids and dud you get rid at the normal time?

@AmySma1 I don't want to offend but genuinely interested to understand. 4 is far too old for a dummy as well, why on earth should she need it at all let alone beyond just bedtime and when out in public! What if her friends see!

Also if there's no medical issue she should be potty trained by now! That's another new thing that needs to stop, I bet you'll not rush to train by reception and it will be on teachers to change dirty nappies in school . I know because of lazy parents at my kids reception means there's 2 who have to be taken from lessons for a change now... this never happened years ago..

Hey @Ja2e27 happy that your choices worked for you. She doesn't need it but it's her main comfort item and she takes to it more than a Teddy or a blanket. If she's tired when out or anxious it's still a great help for her to self soothe. I do understand she's quite old for it without other needs but it's not harmful in any way to her at the moment. If I'm busy it'll comfort her and makes her more independent for parts of the day. I've said I'll set the deadline for reception but if she still needs it for sleep and it's not causing issues she might have it a little longer. I definitely don't expect to be like the things you've noticed in public as well.

As for potty training we're completely child led at the moment instead of putting up a fight as with our eldest. She's not interested in the potty at the moment and although she sometimes tells us when she's full she doesn't as soon as she's had an accident. It means she can enjoy days out much more without looking for a toilet everywhere. I'm sure she'll be trained by September but schools are now very accomadating if needed . Our plan is to try and nudge a little in the summer if she's not shown interest yet, but for now nappies are the best option and she's having a perfectly good childhood

Exactly, that's what confuses me to no end. A 7 or 8 year old in uniform sucking a dummy is completely ridiculous (obviously excluding SN). And 9 years old!!! I don't think I could've shown my face in school ever again when I was that age if anyone found out about it!

Their friends have to know especially for the poor little one in school uniform! Kids are babied far too long now, media says they should be allowed to keep this stuff for when they want to when instead parents need to force it. And companies make more money from it. Same with nappy sales. And the children don't learn to grow up because of it.

I completely agree. Surely it's only a matter of time until other kids notice it and bully them to no end.
But thinking about it only produces more questions like:
Do they take it round to friend's houses? (If they use it in public surely that can't be out of the question)
What about school trips?
Maybe the other kids know and just don't care?
I don't think being a very harsh parent is always the answer, but surely the line has to be drawn somewhere?

If they have it out in public then I'd expect them to have them loads at home. I know there's no SEN issues with the 9 year old. They'll surely struggle to be able to communicate effectively.

I'm assuming they can go perfectly without it but if they ask the parents they'll give them it and why wouldn't they if they like them?

I've seen this so many times... what is happening for this to be okay... also I don't know about everyone else but it only ever seems to be girls that have these.

This is actually the case for one of my daughters friends in year 3. We had a sleepover and she was perfectly happy all of the day and evening and as soon as we did teeth and settled for lights out I came in and saw it in her mouth. I'd assumed it was a jokenand she'd taken it from somewhere. I took it away and she slept absolutely fine! But in the morning when her mum came to pick her up she handed her another one, during the day!

While they finished off playing (she's now playing with one in her mouth....) why she was giving her one. She said that she'll not have one for uni and will want to get rid at somepoint but she can choose when. I was speechless! Apparently she doesn't use it much in public but has it more often than not in the house, which can't be good for her.

It appears to be a child led approach out of control for a larger minority....

I've also seen 5 year olds in the supermarket with them. But I've never seen an 11 year old 😳

Wow, what an odd situation!
You'd think at a certain point the parents themselves would get embarrassed about other people judging them, but clearly not.
And yes, strangely I have also only ever seen girls with them, what an odd coincidence 🤔

Wow! Just found this thread and thought I'd share one of my expierences too. Just the other day I saw a parent give their year 6 child a dummy as soon as school was finished whilst they were still running around in the playground. They then continued to play with their friends like nothing had changed! Surely at some point a parent has to step in and say no to the dummy, especially before they're 10 or 11 and about to go into secondary school.
Strangely enough none of the other kids seemed to care, perhaps they're used to it 🤷

My oldest has one for bed and long car trips he's 7. He dooesnt have it when out but he has had it when guests have been over no one cares 🤷. We limited it while his teeth came through but it's no different to the teddy my 5 year old constant drags everywhere.

I'm sorry but 7 is far too old for a dummy in my opinion. What happens if he has to go on a school trip? Guaranteed he'll need braces when he's older which are a right pain.

His teeth are fine. We restricted it a lot when his big front teeth come through, taking it off him when he fell asleep. It's fine so far, less problems than thumb sucking. Would you be okay if he was thumb sucking instead and damaging his teeth that way, if so why would that be acceptable at 7 but not a dummy?

If it comes to a school trip away he can have it with him and decide to use it or not. It's not a big deal.

I think it looks ridiculous but it's hardly an epidemic is it. Children keep comfort objects past toddler good 🤷

That should say toddlerhood above

Meh, it's not something I can get worked up about.🤷