I’m a single mum of a 2 1/2 year old boy. I also have a disability, i suffer with chronic pain and fatigue - and to say i struggle is an understatement. I love my brown eyed boy, we’re so close, he really is my best friend but my god he pushes my buttons.
I struggle going shopping on a normal day. Today was a bad day for me, we haven’t been sleeping ( i say we - my boy hasn’t been) So i’m already suffering with my fatigue + lack of sleep. Thinking back maybe i shouldn’t of gone? Did i ignore the warning signs? :(
Anyway we went to Asda first thing this morning to pick up a parcel and to grab a few bits and then the nightmare of all tantrums happened. It was bad, i was calm and collected for a lot longer than i thought i’d manage. It took us 20 minutes to get from the self tills to the car, rolling around inside and outside, covered in mud.
I swore outside, in public “oh godd now you’re covered in s*”, which i am not proud of and now feel awfully guilty about.
We finally got to the car and i chucked the bags down and knew i was about to really blow. He didn’t want to get in the car so i grabbed him by the coat and physically got him in, not in the most gentle way.
My blood was boiling, i was so angry. And now i’m being eaten up with guilt. I got home and apologised to him, i said i’m sorry for loosing my temper etc. and he replied “me too” in his sweet little voice. It just made me so sad, i know he doesn’t fully understand, he’s just a little boy. I say little he’s really quite big for his age, he’s half the size of me, so when he loses his cool and throws a tantrum i feel so out of control and weak, he is so strong he actually pushed me over during the Asda incident.
I don’t know why im really writing and posting this, i just hope im not the only one. It’s just so hard, the guilt is just awful. He’s gone back to being his normal chirpy self now and completely forgotten about the incident but it’s still eating me up :(