My son is going to turn 11 in January.
I don't want to drip feed so this may be long.
He has ASD (highly intelligent) and also ADHD. I find the mix of these two extremely challenging to some degree.
I know hormones are a part to play right now, but his attitude is awful. No consequence works. No type of discipline works. He just doesn't care.
I can deal with his hyperactive behaviour, the consistent talking, the fidgeting, the impulsive behaviour. But what I can't deal with is his lack of respect for anyone but himself.
He think he is better than anyone else? I think? He has an answer for everything. He challenges us constantly. He can't just say 'okay mum' and get on with things. He has to snap back, be lairy and rude. He was an angel up until about a year ago and gradually has just gotten worse.
Examples;
Asking him to do the dishwasher for the second time in the day (he had done it in the morning). He won't just do it or say okay. He will say 'no, I've already done it today.' And when I say, okay but can you do it again please? He says, 'no.' Until I ask him to just get on with it and he just huffs and puffs through it all.
This evening he threw a packet of crisps on the side in a huff as I said he'd had enough junk today and could he have some fruit etc. when we said 'please don't throw them like that' his response was 'Jesus, don't make such a big deal out of it.'
I know this doesn't sound like much but it's draining. He just can't be kind or friendly?
We have tried modelling good behaviour, (we are a pretty close and friendly family anyway!) we have tried consequences of no screen time/gaming (this is all he really enjoys doing) tried reducing sugar, early bedtimes.
He just doesn't care what we do. We could take Christmas away and he'd not care.
I just want him to talk to me nicely and not have these outbursts of rage towards me. The bad attitude grates on me so much. I can't ignore it because I don't want him to think it's okay to do!
His teacher says he does not see this behaviour. He's at a private school locally. But his teacher did say he spoke to a female teacher rudely a few weeks ago- and it made me think is this a female related thing? But why?
He does not and has never met his biological father. But my partner with whom I have a toddler with treats him like his own and is probably more patient than I am.
I just don't know how to tackle this. I worry if he's like this now, what will he be like as a teen?
I have tried sitting down and talking to him, asking him why he speaks to me like he does. He just doesn't know.
It's almost like he's on high alert constantly and just snaps. It must be exhausting.
I'm just stuck at what I need to do. The rolling his eyes at me; mocking me; pulling faces at me. I can't stand it!