Nearly 3 year old hitting / pushing

[Anon778833]

My nearly 3 year old dd started occasionally hitting her older sister back in September, after dd2 went away to university. I think it could be that she is feeling worried that dd3 is going to go away, too because she keeps asking where she will be in the morning (at bedtime.)

Now, though, she has started hitting other children at nursery and sometimes me (pushing mainly). The nursery staff told me they think that she is doing it because she wants to be friends, although I'm not convinced. Apparently it's not ever in response to them having a toy that she wants etc.

The nursery itself is an award winning nursery in our area and the staff are very experienced so I kind of expected that I should be able to trust them to handle if the right way. They said they have a plan in place and that it's normal for some children to do this.

One thing that does concern me a bit though is that dd is put with the group of children who start school next year. Whereas, she won't start school until 2024. She's very bright and has advanced language and understanding for her age. BUT I'm wondering if her emotional intelligence is maybe not at that level? Could this be causing her to get frustrated and hit?

I have bought her a book called 'Hands are not for hitting' which we've been reading at home.

Any thoughts? My other children didn't do this at all, ever. I don't like the idea of her hitting people! I keep thinking, what if it gets worse 🙈

She should be with her own age group yes. Doesn’t matter if she’s way ahead in reading/maths, a few children always are (mine were) what matters is she’s making friends her own age. Primary school will frankly hold her back until the others catch uo (they say they don’t but thisnis always how it ends up).

Also if she bonds to these children and next yr they all leave to go to big school st the same time that’ll be a nightmare.

So the nursery thing sounds a bit weird but I don’t have experience of stopping hitting and don’t want to give bad advice so won’t give any 😬

Thanks for your reply. I don't have experience of hitting before either but tbh I think she's doing it for attention. Tonight, she hit her sister because her sister wasn't responding to her. Dd3 is autistic and spends a lot of her time immersed in her special interests. Dd4 could also be autistic but that's another story. At the moment, her advanced speech and presentation would stop her getting a diagnosis until a bit later I think.

When we looked at the nursery, they did tell me that they put children in groups according to ability and not age. It's a private school nursery if that makes any difference. I thought the same thing though that emotionally she's not at the same level as these kids who are coming up for 4 when she's only just turning 3.