Not yet-14-month-old having meltdowns after every "no"...

[mylittlepudding]

And I don't say no a lot. I try to think why am I saying it - but she wants the phone every time I get it out to use it. Or wants my coffee cup. Or to pour her water cup all over the sofa, multiple times a day.

She does the lying down and kicking, and howls. Is this normal at this age? Is it something I'm doing wrong/ could change? It is getting really wearing. I love her to bits - but it is a real pain at the moment.

I think it's fairly normal for kids to freak out when thwarted. Important, I think, to avoid losing your rag (tempting tho' it may be) but I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Distraction can be good, i.e. more or less ignore the question/demand and try to divert her attention to something else.

If my dd is anything to go by she will gradually get the message and understand that when you say no, you mean no.

Get another phone for her to use

bring through a cup for her and a cup for you

water on sofa? 2 choices: put down lots of towels so it's NBD, or redirect, finding better places to pour water (in the sink, onto the kitchen floor so you can combine the game with mopping the floor, in the bath, on the patio...)

It's all about exploring the universe at 14 months. The more you can help them explore these every day objects and textures and sensations in a safe way which doesn't annoy you, the quicker examining the phone will be so last week, Mummy, and they'll be off on another exploration.

ps not a cup of hot coffee for her. An empty cup for her, a cup of coffee for you...

I don't really have much advice for you - but I thought I'd let you know you are not alone ! My 16 mo has been doing this for about 3 months. Although, I have to admit, it is getting much better. The phone - we have exactly the same problem. I took the batteries out of another handset and gave him his own phone - to which he doesn't care ! His phone doesn't make beeping noises like the real one, therefore he doesn't want it ! (Incidentally he has 3 different toy phones, so he's not exactly deprived !). If you find a solution to this one - please let me know.
My coffee - exactly the same problem. I now give him his own cup which after about 2 weeks of the tantrums, he seems relatively happy with. I also (on the advice of one of the carers at nursery) managed to teach him what "hot" was using the radiator. Basically, you let him touch the radioator when it's warm and say "hot" - quite basic, but he picked it up really quickly. So, now if I say hot (when I have a cup of coffee in my hand), he blows (like he's seen me do on his food !!), and leaves it alone. Finally, I get to drink a cup of coffee again !

I will try those suggestions, thank you! She has a phone... it even rings, but it seems that it is not the same. She wants mummy's. Now. Will try the water thing elsewhere - I've bought her a cup with a valve, against my better judgement but it seems it is just not the same

I haven't lost it yet - but will keep staying calm and diverting. She seems so tenacious these days!

Two real handsets, of the sort where you can lock the keypad so child doesn't make phone calls all the time. One for child, one for you. Get the kind where both can easily listen in to a conversation. When child reaches for one, you simply talk into the other, while the person at the other end goes "aaawwwww" at your child babbling into the receiver (or heavy breathing)

The "hot" thing imagineafullnightssleep did didn't work with my DS btw, he must have asbestos hands! He loves touching hot radiators, taps, coffee cups (then blowing as if cooling down food).

He's 15 months and has many, many meltdowns a day (no you can't have the knife, no you can't jump out of the window, no you can't stick your head in that lions mouth) there are so many things to say no to that I just let him have the phone and watch out for him dialling 999.

When he pours water (or more often milk) i either redirect or take the cup from him. He seems to have picked up that if he pours into a bowl or cup etc I'll let him carry on

We seem to be coming out the other side of that. We've had meltdowns, we've had trembly lips, now we're seeing more "talk to the hand" sort of thing. Preferred the tantrum, I think

My dd was just the same at 14 months, the mini tantrums started at 10 months old, by 14 months we had the full scale, lay-on-the -floor-rigid-as-a-board, screaming-the-house -down-business.
She's now 22 months old and to be honest we rarely even have 'angry tears' at not getting her own way, she seems to cope with 'no' very well, unless she's very tired.
I don't like to mention this in the company of other people with toddlers... they give me evil looks and growl 'wait til she's two.'

Gulp.

I have this all day with my 14 month old.
My ds who is asd was very placid at this age, and didn't really do much, he just wanted to look at the washing machine, or look at something on the wall. I am very pleased my 14 month old ds wants to explore everything, but it is exhausting. He does the screaming and throwing himself backwards thing, but distraction doesn't work. He also likes to climb everything, non-stop.
It is comforting to know he is like all other kids his age, exhausting!

We have the pouring water thing, too (daughter nearly 17 months). My solution is to keep a big unbreakable metal bowl in the kitchen. When she wants to play with water on the sofa, I say 'You can't do that here, but we can play in the kitchen' etc. Then we put warm water in the bowl with a little bubble bath and I give her a whisk and a cup, sit her down and let her get on with it on the kitchen floor. The bubbles make it extra exciting so there's an incentive to do the water pouring somewhere other than the sofa. And I can then unstack the dishwasher or whatever in peace while she makes a mess. No idea what you do about the phones. Frankly, I just let her play with it - at least she hasn't managed to ring 999 yet.

You may well have to put up with these meltdowns for the next 2 years, so it's a good plan to learn to distract yourself. I used to hum to myself or stare into middle space and think about something totally different.

The one thing that really doesn't help is if she sees you getting stressed; it accords an importance to her tantrums that they really are not worth.

The message you want to give is: 'all right dear, you're having a tantrum, but mummy isn't really worried, because she knows what she is going to do anyway and it's grown-ups who get to decide'.

Remember that:

getting angry is not really naughty in itself - it's a natural reaction and she hasn't got more mature ways of expressing it as yet

there is no way a 14 month old can scare you, you are a mature adult and you are getting your way- that's why she's howling!

there is not need to feel guilty because she's upset, it's a completely normal and natural stage of her development

it does NOT mean you are doing anything wrong- it's part of her development, and in a sense her strong reaction shows that she believes in your authority, that's why she's cross!

you do NOT need to be embarrassed in public, they've seen howling toddlers before! The calmer you stay, the more impressed and sympathetic they will be

and it does not mean she is going to grow up into a difficult person- strong-willed toddlers often make very charming 5yos