Help with 5yo, kicking+screaming

[TKW77]

Hi, I'd be very grateful for any advice

I've been dating my boyfriend for a few years: he has a 5yo daughter who spends half the week with him and half with her mum. He is an amazing dad: super patient, calm, and compassionate.

Up until recently, things have generally been pretty good. But in the last few months she has started having angry outbursts several times on many days with screaming, often also punching and kicking. She constantly demands snacks like chocolate and gets extremely angry when she doesnt get any, often punching or kicking. Other triggers can be asking her to get dressed, brush her teeth or hair etc: we try to make these fun or like a game, which works sometimes, but often they seem to prompt an outburst straight away.
She's tried to run into a busy road or towards train platform edges, and again punches or kicks hard when we say no or try to stop dangerous behaviour.
This weekend, I was in tears because i'd had a tough week at work: she was laughing at me and throwing books and toys at me. I just didn't know what to do. My bf and i try to calmly explain why kicking etc isnt ok but she just screams or starts throwing things.
Her school reports are glowing: at school she is bright, well behaved, positive and a favourite with the teachers, with no sign of the kicking or screaming that we see at home.

I'm the youngest in my immediate family so have had little to no experience with young children until now. I don't know if her behaviour is normal for this age but I don't blame her, I just want to be better at coping during these outbursts myself, and to understand what an appropriate response is to help handle the situation while still giving her room to express her emotions.

Thank you in advance for any help and advice x

I wish I had the answers. My almost 5yo is usually a lovely, caring girl. Doing great at school and her reports so far are fab.

She's currently downstairs screaming like a banshee. Has been hitting, kicking and snarling at me since bedtime. I know she's exhausted but just can't switch off. It's becoming a daily thing and I don't know what the answer is. I've had to leave her with my OH as my patience is wearing really thin and my calmness has pretty much gone.

It's exhausting and I can only hope it's a really long phase that she'll magically snap out of soon.

5 yo here too and we have similar battles before school about getting dressed and then again just before bedtime. If he doesn’t get his own way then look out. I think it’s a lot to do with being tired and also the increased expectation of Year 1.
hoping It’s a phase too…

Sorry to hear you're both going through the same thing, it does help though to know that it's not just us.

I was wondering if this is a decompression thing: shes literally exploding after the effort of being good all day at school and doing what she is told - so in her safe space at home, all of the frustration and anxiety just pours out.

I hope things improve for you both soon. X

We had a horrible outburst from our 5yo DD at the weekend that came out of the blue over something really silly, being told she couldn't have something she wanted. She went absolutely crazy and it was quite shocking as normally these days she's on a fairly even keel. So as per PPs I think these things can be normal - tiredness of Yr 1, getting towards end of term, a bit under the weather etc- can all contribute.

However one bit of your post did jump out at me as being slightly more unusual- the running into roads and train platform edges. Also, the triggers you mention- hair, teeth etc- could be sensory-related as her response seems a little extreme.

Anyway, you sound like a lovely caring adult in her life and FWIW I think you're right to keep an eye on things just in case- and obviously I, a random stranger on the internet, am in no place to say at all!- there's anything more complex at play. Good luck and hope things calm down a bit for you all.