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3 year old struggling with new sibling

1 reply

Mh16c · 04/12/2022 22:41

Hi everyone, hoping someone can help me here as I’m struggling since having our second baby. My first born seems to be settling kind of well to the new sibling, but he’s definitely not himself most of the day. Which is to be expected as it’s only been 2 weeks. The main issues we seem to be having are around bedtime and I’m just wondering if anyone can help me to try me work out how to help him as it’s breaking my heart to see him cry this much. We basically cosleep and have done since birth, now with the new sibling in a next to me. He demands that she be there, cries if my husband tries to take her to another room to do her bedtime. But every night since we’ve been home he refuses to go to bed, he stands in the corner of the room sobbing for about half an hour. I try to comfort him but he just hits me and lashes out, says he wants all of us in one room which just wouldn’t work. I just dont know how to help him or even understand how he is feeling. I get the new sibling and sharing his bed might be a bit much but honestly the plan was the newborn stay with my husband and I still continue to sleep with my son. However if we try to take her into the other room it makes the crying worse.. has anyone been through this? What did you do to make them feel more secure? I’m not looking for advice to stop cosleeping but how to help him through this transition. my husband and I are both doing lots of one to one time during the day, special treats etc. lots of praise for how he is with his new sister. Any ideas I would be so grateful or is it a case of just riding it out? Thank you :)

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MattieandmummyandIs · 11/12/2022 14:14

I feel your pain, my DD1 did exactly this except scream that she didn't want her little sister at bedtime and of course it was always when the baby was hungry (ebf) or wanted to be held by me. It was heartbreaking.

We made sure that she had 30 mins of me playing every day without the baby which did help things but bedtime continued to be full of tears for a while. At about 3 months it got better but even now the DD2 is older and DH can rock her to sleep whilst I do bedtime on my own with DD1 there are still tears if it doesn't go to plan if DD2 is hungry or only wants me. It's really hard or at least I found really hard to transition to 2 from 1 child, regularly feel like I have broken DD1's heart

One tip I would have is to play with your first whilst your second sleeps with undivided attention. DD2 is a contact napper so DD1 and i play on the sofa in whispers and read books in whispers whilst DD2 sleeps. It's not perfect and DD2 does get woken up sometimes but it's the best I can do at the moment. Hopefully when she's older things will be able to change again.

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