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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Shall I leave my 2.5 year old to go hungry if he won't eat a family meal?

22 replies

Cucci · 31/01/2008 21:05

Hi,

Just had my second baby (9wks old) and really trying my best to hold it together with my 2.5 year old.

In the past I have made a rod for my own back by letting my son have the control around what he eats for his main meal. Basically he eats a healthy diet but it is limited to a few dishes and I have made the mistake of just making what i know he will gobble up.

Now with the new babe on the scene I only want to cook once so I'm trying my best for us to eat the same thing together but he is not adapting well to the new dishes. They are nothing fancy, just your usual shepherds pie etc. The question is - what should I do if he won't eat it? do I give in and make something he will eat or will he come round eventually?

Any advice gratefully received.

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pointydog · 31/01/2008 21:09

Keep making it easy on yourself, give him a bit of what you;re having but if he won't eat it, have some bread and butter ready, a babybel, a yoghurt - stuff you just have to put on the table basically.

That's what I'd do. I wouldn't want a 2 yr old screaming at me while I fed a 9 wk old and tried to eat myself

FairyMum · 31/01/2008 21:10

make something he will it. a lot of children won't eat things like shepherds pie becaause its all "mixed" together. all the people i know who made a fuss and made their children eat what they were given etc now have really fussy children. all the laid-back people who let the children eat new food when ready have children who eat everything.

FairyMum · 31/01/2008 21:10

something he will eat...sorry

juuule · 31/01/2008 21:12

I would carry on the way you were. If he is having a healthy diet then that's not a problem. Would it be really difficult to make him what you know he would eat?
Even so, let him see what you are eating and ask him if he would like some. Coax him to sit with you when you eat if possible. Eventually, he might decide to eat some or all the same as you. No guarantees, though.

luckylady74 · 31/01/2008 21:13

i think i'd give him some lee way as at 9 weeks in he's still making the big adjustment to having a sibling. i would encourage him nicely (no threats ) to try whilst making sure there was bread and butter on the table and healthy pud like yog and fruit to fill up on.
my 3 yr olds don't eat everything, but i like to have stress free conversation more than empty plates. sometimes it's easier to introduce a new thing alongside what they do eat.

BITCAT · 31/01/2008 21:16

Yes if he eats pretty good diet anyway i would give him something else, if you know it is that he just doesn't like it not that he is just being awkward. We all have foods we don't like and wouldn't want to eat!!

Original poster

Cucci · 31/01/2008 21:23

Makes so much sense when you 'talk it through' - thank you.

OP posts:

shatteredmumsrus · 31/01/2008 21:23

I really believe that you should make their tea and if they wont eat it and ask for something else - tough! However its easy for me to say my 2 dond sre good eaters and will eat most things except chips - bazaar i know.I have friends that get really upset as their children are very picky. I think that if you stick to it they will get the message. But i do understand you have a very young baby so I would also say do whatever is less stressful for you but remember the baby is going to get older and one day you might feel different and want ds sto eat different things but by that time you cannot change his habits that easily. Sorry not much help there. Your decision i think...

loulou33 · 31/01/2008 21:24

I would probably put a little bit of whatever you're having on a plate with something he will eat and just let him get on with it. maybe with some bread as others have suggested to fill him up. Wouldn't give him any other choice then offer a something healthy for pudding.

Its not worth the stress and toddlers are very quick to pick up on what stresses us out - its like they have an inbuilt radar for it!!! As soon as he knows it gets to you, he'll keep making an issue of dinner as he's probably still struggling with sharing you with baby and this will make him 'special' again. My ds often point blank refuses a meal for whatever reason and I keep having to remind myself that he won't die of starvation. Also toddlers hate change - so IMO its worth sticking it out a bit longer and hopefully he'll get used to it. I read somewhere that it takes up to 20 attempts with a new food to get a toddler to like it - good luck!!

Original poster

Cucci · 31/01/2008 21:36

I think so much of this is to do with the new baby - when I stand back from the situation I can't beleive how chaotic it is - its like watching house of tiny tearaways where you shout at the crap mum on the TV, except this time its me! I must say I am still getting used to having 2 and had no idea how hard it would be.

OP posts:

BITCAT · 31/01/2008 21:36

Speaking as a mum whose child didn't eat his lunch at school yesterday, so i refused to give him any snacks between home time and dinner!! We had roast chicken for tea, he ate the chicken and wouldn't touch anything else so i took him for bath, said nothing else now no pudding gave him glass water and took him to bed. He woke this morning at 5am being sick because he was so hungary, he had toast and cereal bar for breakie and he was then fine...constant battle with food! So i'd def say give him what he will eat, so long as it not nuggets and chips everynight!!! not that you would!!!

FrannyandZooey · 31/01/2008 21:38

yes absolutely make life easy and pleasant for both yourself and him

your good relationship is more important than whether he is eating exactly what you choose every night

arm yourself with lots of snack foods that you wouldn't mind him subsisting on (I don't mean junk food, things like cheese, fruit, bread rolls etc as mentioned earlier) and if he doesn't fancy the dinner let him tuck into those

BITCAT · 31/01/2008 21:39

Try dealing with 4 at the table, 3 that will eat anything and 1 that will not touch veg or fruit at all, i quite often have to cook different meals if i didn't he would starve everyday, this has been on going for 2/3 years now, i don't know whatelse to do and i worry about him constantly!!

paddyclamp · 31/01/2008 21:47

I went through a similar thing with my DS. He would only eat a limited number of foods. I had a baby on the way, didn't want to be making 2 meals etc.

So i made the decision that he was gonna have to eat what we ate. If he didn't eat it gave him "healthy" puddings eg fruit and yoghurt but otherwise just took the food away without a fuss.

A few days later he was eating what we were eating. He's a bit older now and i certainly wouldn't make him eat something he really doesn't like.

BUT... i don't know what i'd have done if DS had gone a week without eating or anything like that!

ravenAK · 31/01/2008 21:50

I just offer family meal (ds is 3.6 & quite fussy). If he doesn't eat it, he can have fruit & a yoghurt - I don't serve up an alternative.

That said, if it's something I know he loathes (eg. my vegetable curry!) I make sure there's lots of rice & a side salad, only put a tiny bit of curry on the plate, & refrain from commenting when he leaves it.

If I'm doing something new (tomato risotto tonight) I have a slightly more exciting pud than the usual fruit & yog, which he gets if he eats his main meal.

Mind you, ds was a 10.3 lb baby who now wears 6 year old's clothes, so I do have the luxury of only looking at him to see he's not starving!

I think the main thing is that YOU don't get stressed/wound up over it - if you can't face a battle atm, just make sure there's stuff on the table he will eat & ignore what he doesn't...

loulou33 · 31/01/2008 21:52

oh Cucci, it sounds really tough - your baby is only 9 WEEKS OLD - jeez no wonder you're still getting used to having 2!! IMO you'll both get there in the end once he's got over the 'shock' of his new sib.

BIT CAT - you're so right. we all have foods we hate and i wouldn't eat lychees if my life depended on it, but that's another story... Likewise, i know my ds absolutely hates eggs so i know that unless i want a fight, its not worth it. i'm sure he'll try then eventually and he won't be premanently damaged by not eating eggs...[hmmm]Having said that he generally eats well and tries most things and htat's all i ask of him -- to try a little bit...

Pheebe · 31/01/2008 21:53

I heard somewhere (prob on here somewhere) that preschoolers only need a full meal every 2-3 days and as long as they're eating healthy snacks you shouldn't worry too much. In our house meal times are family times so we all sit at the table together, no one has to eat everything on their plate (only they know when they're tummies are full) but I do expect DS1 (3 ys) to at least try whats there. having said that I always make sure there's a selection of things and at least 1 thing I know he likes, puddings are only withheld if absolutely nothing is eaten, I figure then he can't be that hungry. having bread and butter available is a great idea and will be trying that too. He also get rewards for trying new foods even if he doesnt like them (currently a sticker which builds up to a special treat such as an extra trip to soft play or some such). God I sound like a camp commandant! Actually meal times are lovely, we all sit around and chat and I don't feel the need to watch over what he's eating.

Original poster

Cucci · 31/01/2008 22:05

DS does eat really well when there are loads of us around the table including older children (cousins). It always seems worse when the spotlight is on him which is natural I suppose, and especially when me and dh are both there expecting lots from him.

OP posts:

BITCAT · 31/01/2008 22:05

If only i wish he would just try things but won't even do that. I don't know what i've done wrong with him as my other 3 children will eat most things and love fruit and veg. Always looking for reasons why, what did i do wrong still can't pin point it. He's so small and gets badly constipated due to his lack of food and i do give him vits to make up for what he's not getting from food.

luckylady74 · 31/01/2008 22:24

bitcat - i really feelfor you - my ds1 ate nothingbut peeled fishfingers and bread for tea for 6 months last year - i tried everything and then gave up - i gave him vitamins and all the stuff he will eat that's not absolute rubbish. taking the battle away was so much better - my dh and i just accepted that this was the way it was and the 4 of us ate one thing and ds1 ate another. suddenly a few weeks ago ds1 thought he might try some things - i made no comment and started putting our meals on his plate alongside his bread and fish - so far he's eating rice, beans, peas, omlette,salad pasta - we're estatic (but remaining laid back in front of ds1 of course) and now he doesn't have to have his safe food on the plate.
Take the pressure off and stop punishing him is my experience of what works and my ds1 has aspergers and a huge amount of fear about food.

BITCAT · 31/01/2008 22:37

Thanx for the tips i will try this, he will only eat pasta, noodles, pizza so should i give him pasta or noodles with something different everynite. He also really strangly will not eat crisps at all and will only eat choc spread on sandwiches!!

dandycandyjellybean · 01/02/2008 11:24

my ds is 2.3 and i echo the posts who say about them not always liking things all mixed up. i.e. he will eat broccoli carrots cauli peas some Quorn sausage and some mashed potato no probs, but wouldn't eat say a pasta bake with it all mixed in iyswim. this is quite common my sisters 2 where the same for a while. That said, if ds doesn't eat what i put in front of him i don't offer him alternative meal. Yog or fruit basically.

I would strongly strongly say not to make food an issue at this early age. Agree not to put any pressure on and also to just keep adding a little of what your having to the things he already likes. Hope things improve.

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