DS2 aged 5 is talking about death an awful lot today...

[Squirdle]

...give me hints on what to say in answer to his questions...pleeeeeaase!

It started this morning when he mentioned his 'grandad in the sky' (DH's dad) He was only 2 and a half when his grandad died, but we do have pictures of him and still talk about him. He wanted to know why his grandad was in the sky and I told him it was because grandad had died and was in heaven. He got a bit upset about daddy not having a dad anymore and also said he never wanted to die. This evening he has said he never wants me to go and live somewhere else (I took that as he doesn't want me to live in the sky) and has begun to worry about all of us.

I don't want to say he will never die, because thats not true, so I said that he is only 5 and he has a lot of growing and living to do yet. I also mentioned that we needed to look after ourselves and eat healthily and do exercise so we stay healthy and well.

So have I said the right stuff? I know children around this age can suddenly begin to think about these things, but it throws you when they ask these questions!

DS1 was only 3 or 4 when his great gran died and his great grandad died 6 months later. We just said they were in heaven and he seemed to accept it. He was 11 when his beloved grandad died and sadly understood everything.

Is there anybody out there

I think a lot of them go through this around 5 or 6. My dd did and kept saying she didn't want me to die and she didn't want to die....etc. I think it must be something to do with becoming more aware of the world beyond themselves.

Quite harrowing when they start this conversation. I think you can only repeat over and over again that they won't be dying for a many many years and you won't die until he's grown-up and got children of his own. A bit harsh maybe but what else can we say?

Hi,
Both my nephews have gone through this, one at 5 and one at 8. They got a bit obsessed with death and the realisation that everything dies. My nephew (8) started watching the news as he thought the war in Iraq was going to happen in his street and that his house might be blown up. He even went for a few theropy sessions.
My step-dad is a retired doctor and he told me this is really common. The brain goes through some major changes and the personality develops. Apparently, this is a time when mental illness can develop but it's really rare and the he said the doctors only begin to worry if it goes on for more than a few months and the obsession begins to take over other parts of thier lives. Like it did with my nephew but even he got through it by being able to talk about it.
My sister and my in-laws tried to be as honest as possible and gave both ds's plenty of time to talk about it.
Good Luck

DD1 now 5 has been obsessed with death since old enough to talk and goes through stages of it being a major talking point. She isnt stressed about it, just inquisitive and I just make sure that I reassure her with saying that most people are very old or very ill when they die etc. She is very sweet and often blows some bubbles up to heaven for my nanna. I think most children go through this at one time or another and just need it putting in terms that they can deal with.

My son who is also five is quite preoccupied with death at the moment too. Out best friends lost their little girl last year in an accident and I think it is mainly due to this. He wants to know what she is doing in heaven. I think you are right to be honest and it is great that you are discussing this so openly with him. Our problem was that his friend was so young so he realises that death can happen to children too. His twin brother is not nearly so questioning. I think a lot depends on the child's sensibilities too. I think it is a phase and will pass for most children.

My 4 year old (5 next week) is going through similar anxieties at the moment. He has had some nightmares as well which may or may not be connected.
I said pretty much what you said, what else can you say? Its hard for them to understand though, he is obviously mulling it over but comes out with some strange ideas.
His lastest was when I picked him up from school and he started crying hysterically on the way home, saying that he hadn't eaten his lunch so he was going to die.
Which stemmed from an entirely seperate conversation when I had attempted to explain that we need food to live, like fuel