Introverts

[Catladyagain]

Is anyone out there an introvert - or raising a child with an introvert character? My 4.5 year old reception year boy has refused to go into school again this morning for a 2nd time in 2 weeks and has told me he doesn't like the playground. We are raising him without punishments or rewards and so neither of those works to change the behaviour and I have to work. I had dreamed of putting him into a more progressive school but it's not practical for us in any way, but now in his huge school and seeing the way he freezes up at parties for 30+ kids, I see introversion can be a really challenging trait for children. I have just learned that where extroverts receive sensory stimuli directly, introverts' planning and long term memory both kick in as they 'compute' the world around them.... and so visual and audio noise becomes really much more full on experience for them. I am an introvert I think.. it's taken me to 40 to feel comfortable in my own skin etc. So I don't want to tell my son he's bad for feeling awful in these circumstances. Does anyone know about how to talk about intrinsic motivation / how we feel good and become stronger when we push our comfort zones etc etc with a child of this age? Thank you

Sorry do you mean that your DS says he's not going to school and you say ok?

I'm an introvert and vividly remember hating the school yard too and so did my sibling. I think there's this pressure to have friends and play with friends and little encouragement to play independtly. My parents would always say "goodbye go play in the yard with the other children now" and on pick up it would always be "who did you play with" "have you got any more friends today" etc...not that my parents were obsessed with us having friends it was just general questions!
My dad once said you haven't got to make friends you can play in the yard with your imagination and that always made me feel better and not like I should be speaking to other children constantly

Thank you. No I certainly don't just go 'ok'. On these days having tried literally everything for 2 hours he is no longer light enough for me to physically move him there (we walk). He doesn't respond to punishment threats right now. However I need to spk to my oh about how to make sure this just can't keep happening. I just don't know how to. Though I'm working out whether I ban TV now for a while to keep the conversation open about the subject so he recognises how big it is. Or reward him by surprise for coping so well up to now and perhaps he remembers that. Usert I like that thinking. We're pretty aware of not pushing the 'have you got friends' chat. In fact he seems to find it easy enough to make friends. I don't get the sense he's lonely or lacking confidence. It's more the pure overwhelm of everything. So many decisions in such a noisy environment. I've asked him if there is stuff to play with outside but he says no apart from a very busy climbing frame that not everyone is allowed to use every day.

If you are struggling to get him in that much. Have you spoken to the teacher about how upset he is about going in? They may be able to help by doing things like buddying him up with someone?

Is there a chance that this is not down to being an introvert and he could be neurodiverse? Things like not liking the noise could be a sign of ASD? It might be worth reading up on ASD and also discussing the possibility with his Teacher?

How was he in Nursery/Preschool? Did they have any concerns?

In honesty I don't think he is neurodivergent in an autism or aSD way. But what I'm learning about introversion tells me that in some ways it has some of the challenges of neurodiversion and those needs need to be acknowledged. He makes friends pretty easily so it's not about that I don't think. I emailed the teacher yesterday. He went in fine yesterday. I've resumed waking at 6am so we get enough time for connection and play. But I'm getting the picture that introversion is quite a different perspective on the world to the typical social human. He's confident and happy- it's more about coping strategies and environment I think.

Sorry, went jn fine today, not yesterday!!

I hope you get some support from the Teacher.

Thank you

In honesty I don't think he is neurodivergent in an autism or aSD way

He may be naturally introverted or he may have ASD. Like you say, both can present in a very similar way and I think it's important to bear in mind it could be either. I think in your case, especially as he's just so overwhelmed and struggling to settle at school, I'd ask the SENCO at school to have a look at him