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4 year old dd assering herself

3 replies

LowFat · 31/01/2008 17:26

DD had recently started putting her hands on her hips and talking 'down her nose' to me and DH when we dont comply with her wishes, for instance....

DD: Can I have a sweetie
Me: After dinner if you eat well
DD: well if you dont let me have a sweet I'll take your films away
Me: take your hands off your hips, and I said if you eat your dinner you can have a sweet. Why do you have to get bossy?
DD: Well if I dont get a sweet you can go to your room cos you've been naughty

and on we go

When written I do see it as quite funny, but in reality she is just so assertive. I dont mind her conversation, and she is only imposing control methods over me that DH and I impose over her like taking things away for bad behaviour and sending to her room etc.

It's the attitude and hands on hips thing that drives me potty because I know she has copied her BF from pre-school, which her keyworker has told me is the reason behind it. DD is a lovely older sister to DS, but her BF is the youngest of 3 girls and I know she probably has to raise her voice and be assertive to get heard over her 2 older sisters, but DD doesnt need to do it and no matter what we've tried we cant stop it. It's just so unlike her and she comes accross as a right little madam, which I hate to see.

I live in dread of what habits she'll start to pick up when she starts school in September.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LowFat · 31/01/2008 17:28

title should read 'Asserting'

who knows what assering could mean

OP posts:
dilbertina · 31/01/2008 18:28

I have a 4yo dd too...can be challenging hmmm!...at least they're asserting their independence I guess...

Anyway, for what it's worth, and I don't always follow my own advice, I would make the following comments:

It sounds like you're getting into a discussion with her "why are you so bossy?" I would just have said after the 1st hands on hip thing "and if you're silly you won't get a sweet at all. I don't like it when you act like that." and then move on. Maybe suggest some activity she could do before dinner...divert divert divert!

Also, at risk of preaching, it's prob. not helpful to effectively blame HER bad behaviour on her friend (and indeed yourself and dh "she's just copying us"). Gives her a get out if only to you ie. my daughter is so perfect and it's only because of BF she is being like this. I would imagine it is more to do with her being 4 and less to do with friend or you!

End of the day, regardless of where she's getting it from, the issue is maybe how you are dealing with it. If how you're dealing with it is resulting in more of the same I would try a new approach.

I would also accept that this will undoubtedly happen more and more a she gets older!

dilbertina · 31/01/2008 18:29

yes did wonder about the "assering"!!!

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