Can 1 year olds throw tantrums?

[jumpyjan]

DD's behaviour has changed in the last few weeks (just turned 1). She is normally very relaxed and cried rarely but she is now crying a lot and has a horrible new cry - hard to explain but its almost hysterical, with real tears, makes her cough etc.

I panic when she does this as think there must be something very wrong but if she is distracted she stops immediately - however it is very difficult to distract and get her to calm down.

She has started to do this every evening when DH take her up for bath and bed. This happens at 7 and she is in bed asleep by 7.45 - do you think this is maybe too late and thats why she is behaving this way.

Today she did this at lunch time when I put her in her highchair and refused to eat lunch - which worries me.

If it is just tantrums I don't want to get in the habit of letting her get her own way just for a quiet life which I can see happening already.

Of course, at nursery (3 days a week) she is an angel, doesn't cry, eats all her lunch etc.

Is she throwing a tantrum? If so how do you deal with it?

Sorry for the long post.

ds1 gave himself carpet burns on his forehead from throwing himself down to tantrum with such ferosity. I can't remember exactly but he was around 1. He certainly started tantrumming when he was 11m ish.

Sounds like a tantrum, probably caused by tiredness.

DD started tantrumming very young... i doubt she'll ever stop

Distraction or ignoring is normally best I think.

Its very alarming behaviour - as its come on so suddenly.

I don't want to be weak and want to discipline her if she is being naughty but today she ended up eating banana and white chocolate buttons for her lunch whilst sitting on the sofa watching cebeebies (please don't judge) just because that was the only way I could calm her/get her to eat something. She had some lovely butternut squash rissotto getting cold in the kitchen because she refused to eat it - I suspected that this was not because she wasn't hungry or didn't like it but more because of the mood she was in.

Do you think 1 year olds can understand if you tell them not to do something? Should you reason with them etc or just say no and let them get the tantrum out of their system?

Meant to say, this afternoons performance was just after an almost 2 hour nap so she wasnt tired but I think you are right FNF that the ones in the evening probably are due to tiredness.

I think when ds1 was this age that distraction worked the best - avoid the tantrum before it starts. And if he got into full flow, I would ensure he was safe, but mostly ignore him as I didn't want to positively re-inforce the tantrum. Then when he stopped, would try and be as normal as possible. But with lots of effort to praise him when he was not tantrumming. TBH talking him out of it has been easier the older he has become - a lot of his tantrumming was tiredness/hunger/furstration at being unable to communicate. Growing older has at least helped the last of those 3.

Oh, kind of, but kind of not. I think at 1 it's a lot of frustration, rather than naughtiness - they're not really able to communicate what they want, and they'#re beginning to be aware that this is a problem. Think of being in a foreign country, not fully understanding the culture and the language, but wanting to get on and do things. You're pretty much in young-toddler land. It's what Aitch called the "wtf-ness of being a toddler". I am going to rehearse Hab's mum's top tip (so for those I've bored senseless with this, look away now). What often works is to tell the toddler well ahead of time the plan for the day/morning/hour, so that when you need them to do something it's not a complete shock, e.g. We'll have a play now, and then we'll have lunch, and then I need to go to the shops so we'll put you in the buggy, etc" and then little reminders of the plan as the day goes on. It's not so much reasoning with them, as giving them a bit more of a sense of what's happening, rather than suddenly having to stop what they're doing for a reason they simply don't understand. Does this make any sense?

Sounds great Hab - I can see that that would work when DD is a little older but at the moment I don't think she understands enough.

I do sense that she is very frustrated at the moment but don't understand what the sudden problem with her highchair is as this has happened a couple of times. I think at nursery she may be sitting in a proper little chair with a harness so maybe thats why.

She has had so many bugs over the last couple of months that it is hard to see the real her iyswim as I can always put the way she is acting down to teething, a cold etc but today she is healthy but has been crying hysterically a lot.

Honestly - you'd be super-surprised at what she does understand! I have a 15 month old, and have been doing this since 10-11 months. I thought the same as you, but was amazed at how well it worked. My mum's a really experienced nursery nurse, and always found this very useful. It's good practice to get into, at least, and doesn't need a huge amount of effort.

High chair - try just not using it for a while - picnic, sit on knee, just a bit of variety?

Perhaps I will give it a try then Habbibu. I am obviously learning all this from scratch and am not sure how much I should pander to DD to stop her getting upset and how much I should be teaching her that she can't always get her own way.

E.g We used to put everything that she was not allowed out of her reach (including telephone etc) but its not very convenient to hide the telephone so have been leaving it on the dresser and if DD goes to grab it I vary in my responses, no, explaining that someone might call and it won' work, no and moving away etc. sometimes she ignores me, sometimes she crys and sometimes she just laughs at me! Is it best to remove anything that might cause a tantrum or try to teach her that she is not supposed to touch some things etc.

Oh, lord, we're all doing it from scratch! I think there's a halfway house between "pandering" and "disciplining", esp at this age. Distraction, as others have said, is key, but I'd also move stuff which might get broken (says she, of the most un-toddler-proofed house on earth!).

I think it also depends on your personality, and what you're comfortable with. Case in point - halfway through typing this, dd demands a story. This time, I decided that I wanted to do could wait, so she gets the story. She then didn't want to go for her bath with DH, but wanted another story. Big fuss imminent. So we got her to pick a ridiculously short book, said, this story and then bath. She went without a murmur. Much as I'd like to think that my daughter is extraordinarily talented, I suspect she's developmentally normal, and that this level of negotiation is pretty manageable for her age.

Things that are dangerous for her that are hard to keep out of each we try to say, e.g. don't touch, it's hot, it will hurt you, and then distract her away from it anyway.

Today is a good day, so clearly I'm pretty confident. No doubt when she's 2, I'll be posting desperate for help - but this is working for us so far...

jumpyjan I feel for you. My DD is now 15 mths and I recall her being much like this just after she turned one. I thought this was it until she got past the toddler years. In fact it only lasted a couple of week and then improved a bit - I don't doubt that there is more to come though and this is just the calm before the storm!

Personally I think most of it is frustration and usually seems to coincide with her being on the brink of making a new developmental leap forward, e.g. just before she crawled and just before she walked were tough times.

I also find sometimes she is so hungry by the time she sits down to eat lunch that she just gets wound up and won't eat. Of course you don't know this as they can't tell you they are getting hungry and only seem to realise it themselves when you put the plate in front of them. So maybe try a snack mid-morning, or I start her lunch with something she really likes (e.g. bits of cheese) sat on my lap to take the edge off her hunger before moving her to her chair for the main meal.

DD also is often in a horrible mood on getting up from a long nap. I can kind of relate to this as I always feel very grotty and groggy when I wake from a day time sleep (on the rare opportunities). I usually find distraction or getting her out of the house - maybe for a walk - helps.

Hang in there. It gets better (at least for a while) and they start learning and doing so many cute new things in the coming months it is all worth it.

Great advice Daffodily - much appreciated.

I do feel that it comes out of frustration. Today has been better though she did cry loads when I put her down for a nap and again when she woke up.

I tried using a snack trap thing at lunch time which worked a treat. I filled it with bits of veg and she was really engaged in putting her hand in and trying to get the bits out that lunch went really well - will def be using that again.

Hopefully its just a phasse - she's such a cutie when she is in a good mood!