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i feel guilty, did i do the right thing?

12 replies

loopylou6 · 30/01/2008 17:15

ds(8) has just been playing on the front with his friends, hes just come in to go through to the back to 'get his ball' i was angry about him not taking his shoes off and walking mud through my hall and kitchen so i waited by the backdoor for him so i could tell him to get his shoes off, when he came in from the back court he was suprised to see me standing there, he was looking shifty and trying to stick something up his jumper, turned out to be a couple of peices of newspaper, then i realised he wasnt looking for a ball at all, no, he was out getting paper coz his friends where gonna light a fire on the field ]shock] he said he was just gonna "put the paper in' but i am very disgusted that he would even engage in this behaviour as i havent brought him up this way, i told him i was very angry and disapointed in him (i didnt shout, i think in these situations calmness is the key) i told him i never expected this of him and i dread to think what else he gets up to, i ahve sent him to his room coz "i cant bear to be in the same room as such a liar" hes very upset and crying begging me to forgive him i hate seeing him cry, it breaks my heart. He's also begging me not to tell his dad (his dad is stricter than me) but ive told him ive got to, have i done right?

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BecauseImWorthIt · 30/01/2008 17:19

Yes, absolutely.

And well done for being calm. I'd have gone ballistic!

VictorianSqualor · 30/01/2008 17:20

Call the fire brigade and ask if they do any safety demo's, he needs to see how dangerous his behaviour could be.

I'd be angry in the same situation , firstly because of the safety issue (which tbf I expect a lot of children do, so try not to think of him as out of the ordinary) and secondly for lying. I suppose he is going to lie when you ask him a question he cant say the answer to but it's still not acceptable.

cornsilk · 30/01/2008 17:21

Sounds like peer pressure. My ds may well have done that as well if his mates had asked him to. It's a difficult lesson to learn.

loopylou6 · 30/01/2008 17:22

ohhh thanks BIWI, im practically sat here chewing my nails, cant shake the guilt for making him cry,but hes done wrong so i have to deal with it, he's NEVER done anyhting like this before, always been so well behaved, is this what im up against now? BTW the keeping calm thing was a trick i learned off my mum, when she acted like that with me i knew id been very very bad, and it hurt far more than my dad shouting and screaming at me

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loopylou6 · 30/01/2008 17:25

thanks VS, yeah i think thats a very good idea, the lying really annoyed me aswell, i hate lyers and have always prided myself on being very open and preaching the honesty is the best policy theory - obviously hasnt worked as for the peer pressure, what else would he get up to?

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Nemoandthefishes · 30/01/2008 17:26

nothign to feel guilty bout..think of it another scenario..he lights fire is playing with friends trips over and is scarred for life..absolutely right thing IMO and well done for being calm.

loopylou6 · 30/01/2008 17:46

NATF i agree totally, thing is, whats my next step, im not used to dealing with things like this, give me a screaming 3 year old and i can cut it (just about) but this pre teen thing, i have no idea

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nametaken · 30/01/2008 17:50

you did the right thing

sparklylucy · 30/01/2008 17:51

time to sit down with him and calmly explain the dangers of fire etc etc. Often in this situation if it is resolved AND I get a promise of no repeat behaviour then I dont tell DH - I've then got this up my sleeve if he ever does it again. After all they didn't actually light the fire did they? And he was lying precisely BECAUSE he knew he was doing wrong!

loopylou6 · 30/01/2008 18:00

thing is though SL what would of happened if i hadnt of caught him? would they of gone ahead and lit it?

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VictorianSqualor · 30/01/2008 18:06

Probably loopy, they probably would've lit the edge of a piece of newspaper and then shit their pants and stamped it out. I did it when I was a cild, I did the hairspray on my jeans and set my legs on fire thing too, but I was never hurt and certainly wasn't an arsonist.

Try not to worry too much, just give him a good telling off, and make him face the dangers.

loopylou6 · 30/01/2008 18:14

thanks for the advice everyone

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