DS1 6 year old bad behaviour at school and very lively

[Bigmumma]

DS1's behaviour is driving me to drink. He constantly has to be centre of attention, is lively, does stupid things. He was assessed for ADHD and we were told he was a very bright little boy who is challenging and nothing else. He is horrible to certain other children - pinches, scratches, kicks. His behaviour at lunch breaks at school is awful. Today he scratched who is supposed to be his best friend at school - I am sure his parents hate me and blame me for his behaviour. He's fine when he's doing something he likes like Beavers - very well behaved or out with grandparents but when he has other kids around to play he shows off, is incredibly rude to me, hits his brother, lies. I just cant take much more. Ive already had nearly a bottle of wine to myself this evening. Anyone else going through this? He has got a behvaiour book at school with stickers in. Not sure if school being extra sensitive but he got a bad sticker for making silly noises whilst sat on the carpet! PLEASE HELP BEFORE I LEAVE HOME

I feel for you so much.

Could there be something that is making him behave this way? bullying, not challenged enough etc (I know you will have been over and over this in your mind, probably several times). Do you know what opinion the other parents have of the teacher? Silly noises on the carpet is a bit much really, but maybe if they think he is worth bothering with they are trying to pull him up on minor things before it escalates? When DS1 was on his behaviour book he got into trouble for all sorts of trivial things (when I know for a fact there are kids in his class that do far worse things).

My DS1(now nearly 11) has been full circle - reluctant, bullied, class clown, seriously daft behaviour, behaviour book, aggressive, back to being bullied. via school nurse referral he has been diagnosed as having anxiety and sadly is back to being bullied again. It seems we made the mistake of bringing DS up to be an individual with his own opinions - this is not necessarily a good thing according to our HT. Our school (this is not an observation of ALL schools - I don't want to get it in the neck) seems to find bright children difficult. My BFs boy is on the national gifted children register since he went to secondary school, but our primary said he had "social problems", she, I and DH all see similarities between him and DS.

If you ask DS about what has happened what does he say? How does he react if he goes to friends houses to play without you?

It is almost half term, it might be a short lived phase? (I live in hope)

Please please hang in there, I spend a lot of my time telling myself this, reminding myself that the attitude I get at home is a reaction to the bullying. A bottle of wine every now and then won't hurt.

You sound like it is important to you, that is half the battle - you haven't given up and you care about your DS and his wellbeing, there are a lot of parents out there who wouldn't bother.

I am sorry I have no practical advice, but I will watch his thread and will be here if you need to sound off. I hope you haven't found my comments offensive. I have been where you are now and it's difficult. I really wish I had a solution.

BTW, the little buggers always behave better for their GPs (unless they behave seriously badly to make you look terrible).

We have had the same response as your Beavers comment from DS1s church leaders - he is incredibly intelligent, mature and sensible for them. That might be down to the adult:child ratio (but that is no excuse for the school).

Rx.

Can you bring him home for lunch for a while?

Sounds like it's all a bit much for him. He's only 6, and it's a long school day.

Can school give him a job to do - hand out books, help YR hang up their coats, that sort of thing - to give him a bit of responsibility, and ensure that he gets lots of positive attention?

Meet with the teacher, and formulate a strategy to ensure home and school react to inappropriate behaviour in exactly the same way.

Bad stickers are a really, really, really crap idea, frankly. I would ask why on earth they are used. Reward the positive, and ignore the negative as much as possible.

Make sure he's getting plenty of sleep too.

And a good breakfast.

thanks lego slipper. Wish I'd come up with those suggestions. I agree about "bad" stickers too, "silly" behaviour should be ignored as much as possible.

I agree that meeting with the school to agree a way forward is a good idea. Best let them see you're on their side, then if there's something that needs dealing with they can't try it on because you've followed the agreed strategy.

Good luck.

we tried that fish oil medicine stuff when DS1 was about the same age as your DS.

FWIW we have just started having DS home for lunch to keep him out of the way of the bullying. In a way I will be glad when it's September and he's off to secondary school.