My 4 year old is pushing me to the edge

[pompomsontheedge]

I can't stand much more and I don't know what to do with her.
She can be wonderful, articulate, funny, independent, creative and loving. She is actually good company mostly.

But regularly she's demanding, rude, stubborn, angry...so angry, she nags and it never ends. Shes very disobedient and everything takes so much effort. She's needs to be in control all the time. She doesn't care about any consequences. Nothing fazes her or deters her.

We talk, spend time with her, give her space, spend time outdoors each day, read stories, play games. Just have a normal family life. Nothing perfect just average. She sleeps well, eats well, plays well.

I know people will say she's pushing the boundaries but I just can't take anymore.

She's like the rhyme, when she's good she's very very good and when she is bad she is fucking horrid.

i just posted above a similar behaviour in my 3 years old…luckily I can sort of control this at home but nursery is constantly complaining. I don’t really know how to make the difference between a difficult toddler with tantrums and something more pathological. I have cried my eyes out this evening and unfortunately I don’t have any advice. Is she the same in all setttins?

She's an angel at school. She can be quite shy and a sort of angry shy person when out and about with people she doesn't know.

Have you found anything that works?

It’s so difficult isn’t it? I have decided to try and spend more time with her and do things together (although we always do!) I’m also giving her a break from nursery and planning a longer holiday to see my family etc…hoping that a couple of weeks/months will make a difference. Also I’m not giving up when being unreasonable and make sure she understands this is not acceptable. I feel with her her tantrums never last too long (and never too intense or extreme) but they are quite frequent, almost trying to test boundaries. A change in settings will hopefully help. Sorry I can’t be of much help, I’m rather defeated myself :-(

I think that is actually helpful because right now the last thing I want to do with her is spend any time with her but of course tomorrow is another day and I will!

She's so different from my first I'm in shock even though I know in theory all children are different.