My almost 6 year old son has a classmate he plays with daily at school, they consider each other besties. My child is impressionable and absorbs others behaviours quickly.
I’ve taken care of this child as after school run help on few occasions & had a handful of play dates in different settings.
I’ve found that my son becomes very emotional around this child, a type of inconsolable breakdown when they have a tiff. I’ve caught the other child saying / silently mouthing to him ‘I hate you!’ ‘Not your friend’ or ‘I’m telling on you!’
Witnessing my child saying but ‘I didn’t do anything, I said sorry it was an accident, please don’t’ ….seemingly very nervous / stressed. The other child continues to ‘hound’ him with ‘Then don’t do it or else I will tell!’. With my child crying replying stop being mean.
My child told me at school he’s constantly threatening to tell on everything. When questioned him on scenarios at school he stated mummy ‘I don’t want to tell you I’m not good at telling but he’s sneaky!’
The child also coaxes him / tells him to do stuff that would get him into trouble.
They are also very competitive with each other.
My child is saying inappropriate stuff that must be coming from this child. It’s gory details & inappropriate sayings and language that impossible for him to hear it anywhere else.
The child is from what most consider ‘a good home’ yet I know his parents going through a divorce, he’s over exposed to the internet & has poor behaviour with the mother (not elsewhere).
I’m trying to empower my son without overly interfering but I had to contact the parent & his school teacher to highlight some inappropriate language & my concerns. The teacher said she hasn’t seen anything that concerns her but paired him with other children to give him some respite.
Im friendly with the family but don’t want to approach them too many times (once only over inappropriate sayings) as their child seems to have a lot going on as do they and I can’t change the personality or dynamics. I’m not the first to highlight that he brings out the worse / makes their child angry.
Im just concerned that this friendship is hurting my child, giving him low self esteem as he started saying ‘everyone hates me’ ….. He was a happy, warm, confident & social boy usually able to make new friends and adapt. Yet this friendship concerns me on a few levels.
I’ve stopped play dates or offering to take care of the child but is this right?! Can a young friendship be toxic?
Thought about changing his class, school but way too unsettling and where do you draw the line as can stumble across similar personalities anywhere.
Note my child has other friends that he plays wonderfully with he just doesn’t consider them his best friend.
😞