Positive Parenting

[Brela]

So I've started trying to do "positive parenting" and I think I might lose my mind soon.

My daughter is 3. She screams, shouts, whines, whinges, cries over everything and anything I do is wrong.

All the books I've been reading say she's not the problem and it's all developmentally appropriate. I do agree with this.
I have read to stay calm and model the behaviour you want to see from them.

Does anyone actually know how to stay calm when you have been at work all day, exhausted and your child is freaking out because they can't get their arm out of their top but won't let you help them?
She then screamed in my face twice (really loud...ear pearling) and scratched my face....how the hell do I parent that?

I honestly don't even know how to be a mum.

I go from trying to be calm but I feel like I might just blow up one day.

Does anyone actually stay calm through every crazy situation?

Honestly babe it’s not that you don’t know how to be a mum. All of us have been there, everybody has had a moment of struggle or doubts.

I suppose some just sort of switch off almost at the tantrums and such and turn a blind eye and it works for some.

Others lose their rag which at times I understand it’s very stressful. There’s so many ideas out there that we’ll.. it’s overwhelming what’s right or wrong.

We’ve found sort of drawing a like, we don’t shout but it’s made very clear to our bairn when he was younger if he was doing something wrong or going over board, perhaps it was our tone, we maybe didn’t also give attention to an outburst.

What you’ve mentioned though just sounds like she was frustrated at herself and the top really, the scratching is wrong and it’s key to get that across, that could be just by talking after she’s calmed down.

I have to admit mind, I’m not really one who was under the view we shouldn’t tell kids off or anything.

My sisters kids are a little younger and nightmares. They never get told no, are allowed to just run wild and I see how much it drains her and her partner but it’s what they thing is best and have read online. Makes it difficult when my kid is around them because he doesn’t understand I suppose why they are allowed to do that & aren’t in trouble when they smash so
Something or scream at someone

It’s very hard sometimes but you have to become aware of what triggers your stress / anger and try and pre-empt it and stop the situation from reaching that point the next day. So if getting undressed is hard then you could try distraction whilst you’re doing it, so “I’m going to tell you a really silly story while I get you undressed, are you ready?” And then just make up some nonsense about dragons etc while quickly getting them undressed. Child enjoys the attention and something to focus on whilst you get the necessary job done. She can practice undressing herself at a less overtired / stressful time of day.

Or if evenings you feel stressed and frazzled then put the radio on and both of you just have a dance and a silly time together for ten minutes before bath to get your stress out. Or go in the garden - I had a really nice time with my DD the other night. It was cold and damp and getting dark but she was really losing her shit and so was I, so we just went outside and ran around and we both calmed down.