DS doesn't seem to like me very much

[Gumbo]

DH is essentially a SAHD (although a few months ago he started working 2 days per week). I work FT, and it's therefore never come as a surprise - or bothered me too much - that DS (2.2) favours DH over me, as they spend more time together.

Recently, however, this has gone completely off the scale. If DH is with DS and I, DS won't allow me to do anything for him - I'm not allowed to put him in/out of the highchair, give him his food, carry him, get him out of the car etc etc. From being initally irritating, it's now starting to upset me.

When DS and I are alone things are fine and we have a lovely time. But 'family' time where we're all together is now really stressful. DS often simply says 'Mummy go away'. We've tried to ignore it and for me to simply carry on with what I was trying to do (get him out of his chair etc) but he just screams and refuses to co-operate. I'm now reaching the conclusion that my son simply doesn't like me - just tolerates me when he has to, and I have no idea what to do about it.

Wierdly, when I leave DH and DS in a room and go to another room, DS calls for me - although it seems often he just wants me back so that he can tell me to go!

It is just a phase. If he is fine with you when DS not there, there is obv no true problem, it just doesn't feel right for you. It's probably best to respect his wishes (whenever practical) and let it pass, rather than make an issue out of it. Of course if your DH is busy doing something else, you have to carry on and do it.

Can you have a special time together at the weekend. An activity that your DH doesn't do with DS, eg swimming.

Hope Freud is right and the oedipus complex comes soon so you can feel loved again.

Thank you . I keep telling myself it's a phase, but it just seems to be getting worse rather than better...

Been there (ds is now 4.6). Niether of us were stay at home parents but for some of the week, I was not there in the mornings (leave for work at 5.30am) so dh was involved in things which I was not.

I have to say, feeling rejected by my child was one of the saddest, most heart breaking things I have ever endured. As otherside said, it is a phase, but a very hard one and from my experience can go on for some time.

There were some things I found helped:

1. Dh and I once took ds to task about telling me to go away and told him it hurt me. It was a huge mistake, totally the wrong thing to do. It was much better when I ignored what ds said and carried on as normal (very hard sometimes).

1. Spending time with just you and ds where you do something special which he does not do with dh. We went to the local park and made up stories and acted them out.

1. Make sure your dh understands how hard it is to feel rejected just so he can give you moral support. It took my dh a while and was difficult when he totally failed to see that there was a problem.

1. The hardest one of all was to offer ds my unconditional love when he appeared to have no interest in it and to keep doing so. I would say "do you want a hug?" and he would say "not from mummy, only daddy" and I would reply "OK, but I would love to hug you and am here whenever you would like me to".

This phase lasted over 18 months but is over now. Ds does have a slight preference for dh in some ways but if he is scared or hurt he always runs to me and never ever turns away a hug from me now.

Goodluck - it will get better!

Both Dh and I work full time, although dh works some weekends too. My ds does everything you mentioned to dh as i spend more time with him. I sometimes feel really sorry for dh as all he wants to do is come home from work and play but ds tells him to go away and will sit on my lap so in the end dh gives up

Ds is 2.2 and we've told him he must love daddy because daddy works hard for pennys this often makes him say sorry and give dh lots of kisses and cuddles

Thank you Goosey, that's helpful. DH definitely understands that it hurts me, but we are sometimes telling him that he is making me sad, which clearly isn't making things better.

Most weekends I spend the majority of the time with DS (which is quite sad, as I'd really like to spend a lot of time with DH, too) but it often tends to involve grocery shopping etc which isn't a great deal of fun. In summer I take him cycling with me which he loves, but I probably need to find other things to do with him.

Wendyjayb, don't let your dh give up, he has to keep trying (in a low key kind of way) so eventually your ds will take him up on the offer of a game.

Gumbo - I wouldn't tell him it makes you sad. With ds we found it made no difference to him and somebody said to me "you can't make a 2 year old responsible for your happiness" - cue crippling guilt on my part. They were however right, so after that when ds said "I like daddy better than you" I said "that's OK, but you should always know that mummy loves you lots and lots and lots".

Thanks Goosey. I do seem to spend a great deal of time saying 'Mummy loves you very much'.

Wendy - no help to you I'm afraid, but nice to know I'm not alone!

Agree with 'you can't make a 2 year old responsible for your happiness'
Also a bit about loving Daddy because he works hard for money.

We had the opposite situation in our house as I am home all day and DH is out. DS2 would not let DH do anything for him when he got home. I had to do everything.

Like you DH was hurt and annoyed but he just kept on doing things even if it was a struggle. I would make myself absent if needs be. So if DH was giving DS a bath I wouldn't be anywhere near so he couldn't ask for me. It helped being out of sight although he still kicked up a fuss sometimes. I just told him that mummy was busy and daddy wanted to help him and walked away.

I think you just have to keep plugging away. Try and get DH to distance himself as much as possible when you want to do anything and keep doing trips out with DS by yourself. It won't last for ever and I think that probably DS is testing you to see if you love him as much as his daddy who is always there, so it is important to keep trying to let him know you care.

DS2 is 4.4 now and he is much better (peak time was about 2.5 - 3 yrs) but even now he will still say he wants me to help him with something but you can see a manipulative gleam in his eye and I don't give in to him if I can help it.

Thanks Niecie - only a couple of years to go then!