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Daughter struggling with friends

1 reply

Skinsky22 · 10/10/2022 19:26

Hello, I have one daughter who is approaching 8 years old (she is in year 3 at school). In the household is dd, dh and myself. She was born prematurely (29 weeks) and although no known complications, it's always stuck with me that before being discharged, the paediatrician said that there may be some development issues which will only become apparent when she's at school. Well she's always been bright chatty, I would say an average learner and plays well with other children (from what we know of). Last year her best friend left to go to a private school 🙄 so the onky person she seems to play with is an autistic boy in her class. I'm friends with his mum and have a good relationship with her. He has a 1-2-1 support worker and I think she often tells her that she wants her little boy to play with dd a snuch as possible. I didn't have an issue with this, however it seems like dd is constantly being 'pushed' in to being with him all the time. I think pushed is slightly harsh as she does really like him, but for example they went on a school trip recently and his mum asked for dd to sit next to him on the coach and go round with him. So she was partnered up with him all day and she didn't get to interact with many of the other pupils. I was a bit annoyed by this as it's emerging that they always lean on dd to look out for him. I ask each day who she plays with and she seldom says any of the children, mostly this boy or on her own - which I just find really sad. I feel like she getting left of all the other girls. She doesn't get invites to many party's, she never gets invites to go for tea or sleepovers. She's had loads of sleep issues recently saying she scared...I'm just worried she's not developing socially. A) do you think she could be autistic too?? B) am I overreacting for being a bit annoyed about her being encouraged to spend so much time with this boy - I feel like the teachers and the parent discuss this privately when they have their catch ups each day and almost have some kind of arrangement. Thanks for your thoughts x P. S please be kind with your responses, this is nothing against somebody with autism, I would feel the same if she was being encouraged to spend so much time with any child.

OP posts:
springhassprung22 · 11/10/2022 14:55

Hi OP.

Yes I would find that frustrating too. At my DS' school (he is Y2) they very much encourage having lots of friends, or playing with everyone, rather than having a "best friend", so on that basis alone I don't think it's helpful that school are doing that. Of course I completely understand where the other mum is coming from as she is probably thrilled that her DS has found a nice friend.

I would arrange a meeting with her teacher and raise it, say you are worried about her being socially isolated, it really isn't healthy to have just one friend (for either child) as what if one is off sick? My DS only has three real friends, and that worries me enough, let alone if he only had one. Teachers have mentioned encouraging other friendships at school, although I haven't had much luck yet, so hopefully it'll be on the radar of your DD's school too.

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