Is this normal for a 3yo?

[mistymoo555]

We have a very hot headed and explosive 3 yo girl, she was very difficult with bad meltdowns and crying a lot from around 6mo and it got worse from age 1.5 u til 2.5, she would have just 1-3 tantrums a day most lasting from 10-15 mins tops but occasionally she'd have an abs awful 1-1.5 hrs of completely losing it, it was vile and it's made us both quite unwell with stress. Today she just seemed to flick a switch and went from lovely and calm to totally out of control, I attempted to get out of the house with her scooter hoping a change of scenery and the park would revert her mind but she just got worse and worse, she wanted a biscuit in my pocket which I said she could have when she stopped screaming but she just got worse, proceeded to get bk via the play area asap, hoping the swings would stop it but she was in f up a swing, I was pushing her on the swing and sat down next to her on the vacant swing, she was for a moment quiet then she starts to cry and said her leg hurt, I said what have you done and she says you hurt my leg, I did not and she just kept saying it repeatedly, I said that's a lie I did not and I took her own, she's in her room atm screaming it out and has just started to calm down! 20 mins for this one, she has said such things before when she's flipped in to these tantrums, we have no other children so she's not learned to think of such a thing from home and I'd guess not at nursery but I don't know. Her tantrums in our view are awful, but is this normal at this age to make up lies as it's quite vindictive esp at this age to think of saying such a thing??

I do have concerns that something isn't right overall. There are a few things that just do not seem right. She isn't hugely sociable and can't bear other children being close to her, she's fine at nursery app but has been going for 2 hrs and knows the children well but she can't stand soft play and doesn't interact much with her dancing group only occ. She hates the beach, doesn't like the sand, is very particular with things coming, she refuses to eat a biscuit if it's broken for eg, quite clingy and I had one of her nursery staff once tell me they were concerned she was walking another child on the head with a toy and found it funny that the child was upset, I was mortified! I spoke to the manager who then told me this isn't uncommon at this age as they don't learn empathy for some years yet. She could not stand seeing her dads parents at all for ages and only this last 6 months has she started to build a relationship with them, that was awful for my poor DH. We met them once outside the house in a public place, she was abs fine until she laid eyes on them and she just scremed and screamed I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I had to take her home! What is this?? She has far as we know never had a head injury like a bang to the head, she had a difficult birth as was removed by forceps and was born with cuts and indentation marks to the front top of her head, I am going on but I just feel like something isn't right! It's too intense and we are worn out, I've seen so many friends children who are not like this 🥹

She's fallen asleep! This has never happened before as she never naps, perhaps this is over tiredness but she has slept a full nt with no waking. She has rarely ever napped since she turned 6Mo. Could tiredness be the cause of this? Hence shes getting older prob can sustain the days more easily and tantrums less than she did. She jjsy totally loses control but she's always fought sleep she is very alert and has been from soon after she was born!

Ok she's woke up and reverted straight in to screaming again, have said when she can stop she can come back down

This sounds hard, I'm sorry OP.

I don't like armchair diagnosers in general, but have the nursery staff ever mentioned any concerns at all? It's just that you mention a certain level of social problems, sensory issues, sleep issues and prolonged meltdowns that, when taken together, could be a sign of autism. (It can present differently in girls.) Or of course they could just be a sign that you have a very spirited 3yo on your hands (it is a very tricky age)!

I am absolutely no expert so please disregard this if it doesn't ring any bells but I would ask to talk to nursery because you may be right to sense that there may be something underlying her behaviour.

@Miriam101 thank you for your reply, autism is something I have considered yes. She used to notice the slightest of sounds too and can't stand loud noises, she puts her hands over her ears but I can't tell you how hard it is most days and I thohhht it was just the age but the more I have seen others children I realise there is something to me that doesn't seem the norm! She talks a lot also, non stop, by midday both our heads are spinning. Today has been another utterly draining day. She is though quite good with conversation, picked up language so quickly, but cannot sit for a second to read a book or watch a film she just cannot sit still! But app the nursery have no concerns! I think perhaps they would say something if there was anything glaringly obvious but I suspect I may be made aware of any concerns when she starts school. It's just far to difficult and the meltdowns can be horrendous although thankfully a rarer occurance. We are going to leave it a while longer and jjsy give age 3 a little more time but I think I'll end up referring her to be assessed at some point in the very near future as elements of her behaviour just doesn't seem quite right. X