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Overstimulating grandparent

2 replies

Dotty08 · 24/09/2022 23:36

Really looking for some advice.
LO has complex congenital heart disease due to this we have a really calm life. Solid routine with regular naps and to be fair we’re pretty boring! But it works … if we don’t do this DD gets over tired easily due to her health conditions and this leads to blue spells and general unwellness.
Anyway my mother-in-law just isn’t on board. She thinks DD shouldn’t even nap (she’s not even one yet and has two naps) so doesn’t nap more often than any other child her age really.. it’s just we do stick to the wake windows pretty rigidly so she doesn’t get overtired and we do keep her pretty calm. Don’t get me wrong we have tons of fun, DD is always happy and smiling and laughing. She’s a really happy, contented and calm child.

Until she’s with her grandparents.. my Mother-in-law is so so overstimulating it hurts. You would think she was on something the way she is with DD. The most hyper grandparent you’ve ever seen. She completely overstimulates DD from the minute she gets there. She has cartoons on a massive tv, whilst she’s singing and clapping and shouting say nana say nana, saying DDs name on repeat and asking her to clap. It’s just so much!! From the minute we get there until we leave she doesn’t give DD a second.
My poor baby is displaying every sign she’s had enough, she waves her hands in the air, she looks away and zones out, she rubs her eyes like she does when she’s ready to nap (but she’s just woken up - she just can’t take anymore hyperactiveness) and then in the end she cries for me.

My mother-in-law is super sensitive. I’ve tried to tell her SO many times in nice ways, subtly and then not so subtly now but she just isn’t calming down. What can I do? It’s at the point where me and DH dread going over. DH is useless when it comes to saying anything to his mum because he’s been controlled and shouted down by her all his life.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Scirocco · 25/09/2022 15:57

I have a 7 (almost 8!) month old DC with health issues, and my mantra for dealing with relatives, strangers, anyone really is: DC's health trumps [anyone else's] preferences.

If we're visiting relatives and things are not ok despite the warning chat, we ask for things to change or calm down. If that doesn't work, we go to a different room or out to the car for some 1:1 quiet time. If that doesn't work, we leave. We explain every step to people, and why we're doing it, and it's then up to them whether or not they want or are able to accommodate DC's needs. That doesn't mean DC lives in a bubble - they go out and do activities and playdates and mix with others - but we're clear about where the health boundaries need to be at this time.

Your DD needs you to protect her. When she's older, she can practise establishing her own boundaries but right now she needs you to do it. If that means her grandmother gets offended, then that's a shame for grandma but not anywhere near as important as your DD's health.

Mumofboys16 · 27/09/2022 04:48

Your MIL sounds way OTT but does your LO need low stimulus? Sensory wise creating a very calm controlled environment may suit for now but the realities when they are older going to nursery, making friends, you may find she struggles to he anywhere other than the calm controlled environment you are creating. I'm not saying go to the extreme of your MIL but break the routine, have the variety of sensory input. You can give her the rest and breaks after to compensate.

As for your MIL you just need to have an honest conversation with her including that she's not listening.

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