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Toddler rejecting dad, v clingy with mum - HELP!

4 replies

chocopuffs · 21/09/2022 09:16

My toddler has always been pretty clingy to me (her mum). She was a lockdown baby and she didn't really meet anyone other than her parents for the first few months of her life, and things were pretty restricted after that. But she is now almost two and while the clinginess briefly eased for a couple of months, it's now worse than ever. She has started saying "no! Mummy!" When DH tries to pick her up, sit next to her, get her up from bed etc. she's ok with him when I'm not around (as long as we're tactical about me leaving the house without her seeing, or her going out first to the playground). It's so hard for all of us - I'm tired of having to do everything (he does do bed and bath etc but the screaming is sometimes not worth it for either of us), and he feels a bit hurt, although he's very good at trying not to take it personally.

I suppose my questions are:

  • has anyone been through the same? How did you cope and how long did it last?
  • is it just a phase or is it something we've done/haven't done?

I know the answer is probably to carry on sharing everything fairly, but realistically if we're in public and she wants me to hold her etc, it's hard to insist he does it and put up with the inevitable screaming.

Thanks all.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
chocopuffs · 21/09/2022 13:40

Anyone...?!

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MrsMiddleMother · 22/09/2022 19:47

I have no advice but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. My lb was always a mummy's boy but when I got pregnant it was like he switched on his dad. He was 2. He wouldn't let him bath/change/feed him, strapping him in his carseat or refilling his water bottle. Its been incredibly hard, so much so I struggled to bond with my 2nd as I was doing so much for my toddler but 18 months later and we are finally getting there. He's letting his daddy do so much more for him now, it's just been a slow process of encouraging him and like you, me leaving the house quietly or saying I was going to work so they got 1 on 1 time. My dh was and still sometimes is hurt by it but I think its just something some kids go through x

chocopuffs · 22/09/2022 21:20

Thanks so much @MrsMiddleMother - sorry you have been through the same but I'm also reassured to hear it got better for you (even if it took a while!). It's hard hearing people say it's normal when I see other kids around us not doing the same thing, but it does sound like it is normal for some kids. Is your second baby less clingy?!

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Mattieandmummy · 23/09/2022 05:55

It's a phase, don't worry. My first wouldn't let her Dad do anything - even open her car door until she was well over 2 and she wasn't a lockdown baby. The she started to relax bit it's still me she cried for if she's hurt or sad or wakes in the night at almost 4.

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