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Worried sick- when should toddler understand danger?

4 replies

BoilingPoint839 · 13/09/2022 13:15

Apologies for the rant/moan. I've been concerned for a while but today has just sent me over the edge.

DD will be turning 2 soon and has always been a high needs baby and toddler. Very sensitive, strong willed and active- she will rarely sit for more than 30 seconds or engage in an activity for longer than a couple of minutes. I've always wondered about ADHD but obviously it's too early to know these things for sure.

We started swimming in June and DD absolutely loves water...but she isn't the greatest at following instructions, particularly if she doesn't like someone. Unfortunately she didn't really take to the instructor like the other kids in our class did and so she really doesn't like being touched or handled by her during the session.

Today DD tried to jump into the pool (I was there right next to her to stop her easily, I know how impulsive she is) and once we were safely in, kept dunking her head in the water as she saw the instructor encouraging other kids in the group to do so who were more reluctant. She coughed a few times but it didn't really put her off. A while later, the instructor took me aside and asked me if DD is always like this. I said she is quite impulsive and doesn't really fully understand the concept of danger. The instructor then asked me if she gets upset at pain e.g. if she has a fall. I said she's quite resilient and mostly just gets up and carries on. She then asked me if I've ever pinched her to which I said no. She then suggested that DD's 'brain is not processing pain' and that I should try and pinch her to see how long it takes to realise that pain is bad, and that maybe she will also eventually get put off by the coughing and spluttering too :/ Up until now I've had no issues with the instructor and to be honest, while I raised an eyebrow at her above suggestion and a few other comments she made today, my main worry is- is my DD behind? Is there something not quite right with her? Should she have a better understanding of danger by now or can there be variation in the age at which these things click for children?

I would really appreciate any tips or experiences, particularly if you had/have a child of similar fiery/strong willed temperament! I'm honestly worried sick. I've always worried because other kids seem so calm and compliant compared to her, but today's comments and questions have made my anxiety about her development skyrocket. Please be kind.

OP posts:
RunLolaRun101 · 13/09/2022 20:15

I think her behaviour is normal for her age. It’s what my 2.5 yo would do too. Parents often scare toddlers into complying but if raised properly they should be a bit reckless, fearless and carefree.

BoilingPoint839 · 13/09/2022 20:52

Hi @RunLolaRun101
Thanks so much for your response. I guess the main reason I worry is because the other kids in the group are a similar age to her- only a few months older, and they are so much more compliant! Makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong. I do set boundaries- firm but kind but I try not to be too rigid as my own childhood had so many rules and no-nos.

OP posts:
RunLolaRun101 · 13/09/2022 22:01

Same. My son’s been raised to explore and test his boundaries. It results in hairy situations sometimes but it’s my job as a parent to manage those. A lot of parents just stop their toddlers from being curious and then it leads to them try stupid things behind their backs when they’re older.

Cheeseandcrackers86 · 14/09/2022 15:10

I think it varies. Mine has always been inctedibly cautious ie I could've trusted her on a busy road at 18MO. Her little friend is the complete opposite. 3YO and would happily nosedive into a river without 2nd thought if you let her. Both are NT very bright and lovely kiddies. Just give it time xx

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