If your usually lovely 7yr old started being really horrible at home would you wonder whether she was truly happy at school ?

[scatterbrain]

My dd is 7 - and in Yr 2 - beautifully behaved at school - and doing pretty well. But over the last month or so has become increasingly aggressive and stroppy - arguing with absolutely everything we say to her, ranting on about her friends, complaining about everything, refusing to get dressed in the morning, crying on the way to school etc.

Then as soon as we get there she perks up and runs in !

She is a sensitive child - I think - and gets easily upset if people won't play with her, or go somewhere she's not going etc -

I'm not sure that it is the right school for her really - it's quite competitive and there are some quite bold characters - I just wonder whether I should go and look at another school to switch her for juniors ?

What would you do ?

I'd ask her what she would like to change

See if you can instigate her to do a puppet show for you - have found with sensitive DD (year 2) we can ask the puppet questions that she would not answer directly.

She says "Everything - I hate my life!"

I am trying to do lots of playdates and get her to see her out of school friends - but she is so damned moody ! It's like she's got PMT - door slamming, storming out of rooms - so teenage !!

OK - just asked her again - and the one thing she wants to change is that she hates after school clubs !! She only does two - and she wanted to do them both last week !!

I work full time and have an hours commute each way - so I am really stretching the flexibility to pick her up at pick up time !! Can't afford a nanny and couldn't find a childminder who would pick up from the school !

ARGHHHHH !!

I'm having exactly the same problem with ds1 at the moment.He's always so lovely outside...thankfully!...but since he's been back at school he's been horrendous to live with.Just like a stroppy teenager. He's 8 (9 in May).He blames everything on his sisters (9 and 7...he's in the middle).I'm blaming it on his PSP...!

Exactly the same with my DD1. just turned 7. A friend recently told me that she had read that kids get a hormone burst at around 7, which explains everything. most of the kids in DD's class are going through the same changes in attitudes. DD1 has said things like, 'I wish I was never born', and 'you never really wanted me any way'. hardest thing is not to laugh at your mini teen as they strop through the house as if they have it worse than any one else, when in reality they are having the childhood we could only of dreamed of

Could you send a note to the teacher asking if she's noticed any new "friends" at school? I've seen DD1 change her attitude because of badly behaved friends. She was too "chicken" iyswim (thankfully!) to be stroppy to the teachers but was trying out a different personality on me.

Sounds like she needs more mum time

There might be the seed of a good idea in this brain storm?

Can she go to school near your work so you can commute together?

Can you work nearer to her school?

Can you work from home some days?

Can you flexitime so your oh (assuming you're not a single parent) does the morning school run after you've gone off to work, and then you are there ready to do the school gate pick up? Like a shift system.

Can you do some really extra special things together at the weekends, so there are lovely things to look forward to?

Can you work slightly shorter hours?

Have you asked her if she'd like to change schools?

Hi, thanks for your answers !

OK - I can't work less hours as we need the money, I am already on flexitime and beyond - I leave work at 2.30 3 days a week to collect her - and make up time in the evenings, I am already really stretching what I should be doing but I have a very understanding boss !

I do work from home one day a week, sometimes two.

I have looked for jobs nearer home but there is nothing in my field that pays as well, and no I don't want to be commuting with her - I don't work in a very nice area anyway.

dh does do as many school drops and pick ups as he can - but he works away a lot and has a lot of early starts to travel.

I can't give up work because of money and also because I don't want to - I worked hard to get where I am and I don't want to give that up.

I'm not convinced this is about me working though.

HORMONES

They start young, these days!

I'm not convinced it's about you working either. But you might need a time turner to be in all the places at once

I'm sorry your work is tied to that commute. I don't suppose a lower-paying local job would be sufficiently worth it in terms of time saved and commute money saved and after-school club money saved to be financially a good idea?

Could you do a few hours work on a Saturday while your dh is with your daughter?

Does she have any school friends she could go home with, and then you return the favour on your flexitime days? That could be magical.

I think it is natural to wonder whether it is the schools fault when dc behave strangely, but it is not always the case. It sounds like she is happy at school but attention seeking at home. Is there anything at home that you
could change? Do you think she is getting enough input or responding to your or dh's moods?

I love her school, and we have a lovely group of mums who get on really well - it's just that almost everyone I have mentioned her behaviour too has automatically said "Are you sure she's happy at school ?" or "She's not being bullied is she ?"

My job really isn't negotiable any further than it already is - and I don't want to come out of my field just to get over this hump - I've got to think about this long term career wise. And I do do some work at weekends already.

Already do loads of playdates - three this week - two out and one in - plus Brownies with out of school friends and a playdate with two out of school friends at the weekend. We do lots of quality stuff - girly lunches and shopping at the weekend etc.

Generally dh and I are pretty knackered and stressed - but of course dd's behaviour is stressing us out too.

Had another nightmare morning today !

Thinking about it, I do remember dd1 doing the "I'm gonna kill myself" and "Wish i'd never been born" thing etc.She was about 6 though. My dd2(7) so far hasn't done any of this...although she's quite deep anyway and doesn't really vent her anger in any way but by crying.ds1(8) very "hormonal" at the moment!!!!

Wow, no wonder you are knackered!!! Maybe a day at home, just lazing around and playing together?
I know people have a tendancy to blame school- and it is very emotive because you are not there to see wht's going on. You sound like a very caring parent and I am sure just given time and affection either this phase will pass or she will open up more.
IMO v.important to keep discipline up at these times though

If she's doing well at school and she says she's happy there then I think you could rule that out.
If she has to go to the after-school clubs then I suppose she has to. But maybe look round and see if there's something else she could do instead.
Think I'd drop some of the playdates and give her time to just laze around, maybe just you two at home together doing your own things.
She might be tired with everything that's going on.
I know my children appreciated just coming home from school and vegging out. Helps them recharge their batteries

I am a bit and at the rush to blame your dd's behaviour on the fact that you WOTH. On the evidence here, you have absolutely nothing to reproach yourself with. Your dd sounds as if she is being a perfectly normal 7 year old girl (remarkably similar to mine in fact). It's just that normal 7 year old girls can be hard work - for themselves as well as for their mums!

I wouldn't stress too much about the expressed distaste for the after-school clubs either. My dd was beside herself with excitement yesterday morning about going to Brownies (which she has just started). When it was time to leave yesterday afternoon she practically had to be dragged out of the house screaming 'NOOOO I HATE BROWNIES AND I HATE YOU WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME GOOOOO?' etc. But had a perfectly lovely time when she got there. What's that all about, eh?

Oh thanks for that Zazette - I was feeling that people were saying it was my fault for choosing to work - when actually I have to work to pay the bills !!

Maybe it is just a 7 yr old girl thing - certainly seems very hormonal - very difficult to live with right now !

Am off to google to see if there is a hormone surge ! I keep thinking precocious puberty !!

Also just to say - this is an unusual week with so many playdates as I am trying to reinforce friendhsips - usually I pick her up 3 out of 5 days at 3.20 (how many working mums can do that ?) and she does just potter and chill out.

I just love the way it is all my fault!

I don't think anybody is saying it's all your fault (although as my sil used to say 'if the cap fits..). People have been making suggestions which they think might help. If you know that none of the suggestions apply, then ignore them, you know the situation better than people on here. However, you might have overlooked something and a suggestion might give you an idea.
If she's enjoyed the school clubs before then it possibly is a blip and she'll settle down again. But if she really dislikes going and it doesn't appear to improve then something needs to change.

I don't think anyone said it was your fault for working did they? All I was trying to do was give you suggestions based on my own experiences. If you find them irrelevant or not applicable to you then fine.

juule and mrsruffalo, no, neither of you suggested it was down to scatterbrain working, - it wasn't your posts I had in mind. Please don't feel got at!

in fact, no one did anything as crass as say 'your work is at fault'. but emmaagain's suggestions for changing things imply that

My dd is just the same, endless slamming of doors and pouty face! I only have boys to comapre her too and she is incredibly stroppy compared to them.

I dont think that there is anyhing wrong she is just a normal girl going through a perfectly normal stage.

Ride it out and hopefully she will be out of it soon... She may be an angelic teenager you never know

I think Emmaagain's suggestions were quite valid. It might have been possible for scatterbrain to have made any of the changes suggested if she wanted to. If she doesn't or can't then Emmaagain wasn't to know.

My 7yo can be like scatterbrains dd at times. It might be that she just has to put up with it until her dd passes throught this phase. It depends on how upset her dd is and whether she does feel something needs to be done to help her. Which she appears to feel that way if she is considering the not small step of changing schools.

Oh well - nothing I can do about working - so I'll just have to carry on doing what I am doing I think and hope it's a phase that will pass !!

Am going to see the other school anyway - as I think it will be where she goes for secondary anyway, so I will get her name down for that.

I'm liking the thought of her being an angelic teenager !!

Thanks everyone (I think !)