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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Newborn - Should I be following a routine?

16 replies

Discomonkfish · 28/11/2004 12:00

Hi there

I'm a first time mum, dd was born this week. I am breastfeeding and she has taken to it well, although she doesn't seem to feed very often she appears contented. I just wanted to know if I should be following some sort of structure during the day / night? i.e. if she hasn't fed for 3 hours then should I wake her up and try. She can go for quite some hours without anything. Also should I go to her immediately she cries or allow her to settle before rushing in. Last question is she is in her crib at the side of our bed but won't seem to settle and go to sleep. She will be happy for about 10 minutes then start to get restless until we have to bring her in with us. Is this normal....? Sorry for all the questions, just a bit worried

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suzywong · 28/11/2004 12:07

Hello DMF

well you will receive replies from various schools of thought on this, but if you ask me I say keep a newborn close to you, have her in your bed with you if she settles better that way, feed her at least every four hours, more if she needs it. I think she is far too young to settle by herself, she doesn't know that she is a separate creature from you so she has very little concept of doing things by herself. Wait until a month or so for a routine (as I say there will be other opinions and dogmas but that's what I think)

Go with your instinct, if your arms reach out to pick her up, pick her up. Co-sleeping is great. And it's easier on you after the C section, you don't have to haul yourself out of bed and bend down to pick her up. And don't worry - unless you are pissed out of your head or morbidly obese you won't crush her in the night. I did it with both of mine for the first few months (still drag my 14month old in to bed if he is restless for a great big cuddle)

HTH

twoshoes · 28/11/2004 12:17

Speak to your Midwife...

but I was alway told you can't spoil babies because they have no side.

Do what is safe and feels best. I breastfed on demand til my son was 6 months, because of this he slept in our bed, at the side of me but not under our covers, my midwife recommended this but another was horrified at the suggestion

I continued to breastfeed until he was just shy of his 2nd birthday, one day he didn't want his feed and he never has since. We then put him into his own room and he's been fine since. I was told that I was making a rod for my own back and that he would be difficult to get into a routine because I didn't implement one early. We are very lucky he sleeps in his own room fine, even takes his nap in there.

Each child and mother is different, my friend goes a bundle on routine and her 3 years still won't sleep through.

Speak to your midwife about how much milk she's taking she'll reassure you and you have the weigh in soon.

Take care.

moomina · 28/11/2004 12:18

Hi DMF - firstly, congratulations on your new dd! And secondly, imo, at such an early stage, just do what your instinct is telling you to do. It is very, very early to be worrying about getting into routines. Like suzy says, at this age she doesn't even know she is a separate person from you, so you go ahead and pick her up and cuddle her or feed her or comfort her just as you feel you would like to.

I wouldn't worry too much either about the long stretches between feeds. When ds was only a few days old her could also sleep for hours at a time and I used to think 'should I wake him for a feed?'. It's very natural for tiny babies to go a good few hours and my motto is never wake a sleeping baby!

As long as she is having several wet nappies a day and putting on the weight, she will be getting all she needs, so put your feet up and enjoy what will probably be an all-too-short reprieve!

LIZS · 28/11/2004 12:37

Sounds pretty normal to me ! She has a lot of adjusting to do and her most comforting familiar thing will be the sense of you and feeding. Personally I wouldn't let her go much over 3 hours between feeds during the day time yet - demand feeding can work both ways and your supply is still establishing. She is still pretty small and you won't create a bad habit. Ask your midwife if you are unsure but , like the others have said, if she is producing wet nappies, regaining weight and otherwise happy then she and you are probably doing fine.

Good luck and congratulations !

libb · 28/11/2004 13:03

Just to echo what Suzywong etc. have said. I fed on demand and let him sleep when he slept and wake when he wanted, he is now 6 months and thriving.

Just enjoy the relaxing and always make sure the phone and remote control are nearby! (I will always remember my mat. leave for watching endless Big Brother on the sofa with DS attached)

dinny · 28/11/2004 14:00

Discomonkfish, my ds is 11 weeks and has just really settled down. Until about a week ago he wanted to be held all the time, sleep with us and feed constantly. Just did what he wanted - follow your instincts and don't worry about a routine yet. ds has literally just learnt to go to sleep himself (just one day I could tell he wanted to be put down to sleep - amazing) and he's just found his thumb. he still sleeps with us though (and feeds when he likes in the night). honestly, you will get into a rhythm - it just takes time. just enjoy the newborn days - they pass so fast. I wasted so much time pointlessly worrying ds wasn't in a routine! Congratulations on your dd!

Original poster

Discomonkfish · 29/11/2004 17:06

thanks for all the advice

OP posts:

Blu · 29/11/2004 17:20

aaaah, congratulations. How wonderful! Nothing to do with newborns except cuddle them and go 'aaah'! I certainly wouldn't ever wake her to feed as long as she looks 'well'. Enjoy your baby, and welcome to MN.

Clayhead · 29/11/2004 17:27

Agree with the advice to follow your instinct.

I never let mine cry, slept with them both beside me, fed on demand and just sort of fell into a routine that suited us (with dd, first child. ds fitted in with dd and me). That's what worked for me. I would say though never feel guilty for wanting to cuddle your precious baby.

Welcome, good luck and congratulations!

dawnie1 · 29/11/2004 17:45

Discomonkfish - Congratulations on the birth of your dd .
Suzywong, I also did exactly what you did and it worked fine. I started to try and introduce a bit of a routine when dd was 6 weeks old.

Amanda3266 · 29/11/2004 19:07

Hi there,

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Don't worry about any routine - just do what feels right and what's needed. If that need involves taking her into your bed so you can get some sleep then go right ahead.
My ds slept in my bed for the first 4-5 months of his life as I couldn't get him to sleep anywhere else. Now at the age of nearly two he sleeps from 6pm through to 7am the next morning. It took a while (6 months) before I could get him through the night (and even then it didn't last due to teething/colds etc). Once he did sleep through well though ( from about 10 months) we never looked back.
I first noticed that he had a "routine" of sorts when he was about 15 weeks. I panicked my head off before that because he wasn't doing what I thought he should. I wasted my energy - it all worked out well.
As others have said - enjoy your lovely baby, cuddle her to bits and go soppy all over her. She'll be in a routine before you know it.

Mandy

slim22 · 06/12/2004 21:02

Hi,
Don't worry about a routine just yet or rather, follow your baby's pace.I never let my son cry, too upsetting for everyone. what you both need is confort and rest until you get to know and understand each other better.
Feed on demand (drain one breast then offer second at each feed), cuddle her and let her fall asleep against your heartbeat. It will help you relax as well.If you worry too much about having her in your bed, put her in a moses basket next to you when she's settled.
You need to rest as much as her for the first 3 months so just do whatever feels right for you.

snowmoon · 08/12/2004 21:17

Hi. Congratulations on your new DD. I agree with the others that it's too early to put your DD into a strict routine. I'm a first time mum too and my DS is 4 1/2 months. I breastfed him on demand and didn't have to wake him for feeds. He gradually fell into a routine by himself by about 8 weeks, when he started feeding every 3 hours or so, and going to sleep for the night at about 7pm after a feed and a bath. I did put him in his own room right from day one though and he never had any problem with it. Every baby is different so go with your instinct.

melon1 · 16/12/2004 21:53

Can anyone give me some advice on changing a routine?! My dd is three months old and we have quite a good routine in that she comes up to bed with me at about 10.30, and sleeps through until about 9.00 the next morning. Although this is fine at the moment (because I'm on maternity leave and shes is still only little) I'm going back to work soon, and I think she should be going to bed a lot sooner than she is. How do I change what we've been doing for 13 weeks, and can anyone suggest a good routine to follow?

aloha · 16/12/2004 21:57

I don't think she will sleep any earlier unless you wake her up earlier - eg gradually wake her earlier until you get to the time when you will need to wake her to get to work. You can at least control her wake up which cannot always be said for her sleep time!

ChristmasBOOZA · 16/12/2004 22:04

Disco congratulations. Go with the flow but when you decide to establish to start to establish a routine (I did this with DD once her cord had dropped off and she could go in the bath with DS) I would start with bedtime and gradually work from there - unless your DD dictates otherwise that is.

Melon that sounds like a lovely routine but can see it won't be practical when you go back to work. What worked with my DS was to gradually pull the bedtime forward by 15 minutes every few nights. So would suggest you try this until you get to a time that suits.

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