Child won’t speak to adults

[Mummydoingmybest]

My 4 year old has always struggled with other adults. Even family, he won’t say hello to them and if they look at him he hides or makes a face or gets upset. He does tend to warm up a bit after a while but it takes a long time and will still be the bare minimum and it’s frustrating. We have talked about it a lot and I say to him it’s kind to say hello or wave, I won’t force cuddling etc but to at least acknowledge people and not get so upset! He’s good with other kids, he will go off at soft play and play with kids he’s never met but adults he is so different with.

Also if I’m not with him like at nursery or when he goes to his uncles (the one he ignores when I’m there!) he is fine and they say he’s chatty.

I dont know what to do about it? One set of grandparents (my PIL) now make comments and it’s starting to aggravate me as it’s hard enough!!

I was thinking selective mutism until you said he’s fine and chatty at his uncles when you’re not there.
Maybe it could still be, only a mild form? If so, PIL making a huge issue out of it certainly won’t help! My DN had a really severe case and spoke to no one except their own DM for years. Fully resolved now though and chatty as anything. Maybe contact HV to discuss concerns.
www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/selective-mutism/

Many thanks for this. I have read about this before as I did wonder. He seems different when we aren’t around! He went to an open day at nursery with us and saw teachers he already knew and wouldn’t speak to them and hid behind me when usually he is totally fine with them! I think I’ll have a chat with HV but also look at some advice online about it and try not to draw attention to it. Just hate people thinking he is rude!