I don't even know my one year old!!!

[Inthebloomingnightgarden]

Feeling very sorry for myself. DD is one year old and while I acknowledge that there have been many changes in our lives recently (she's just started nursery), I still don't feel like I know/understand her!
She has definitely entered into seperation anxiety phase, but even if I am on the floor with her she gets moany if I'm not constantly amusing her. She very rarley ventures away from me, and most of the time has to have one part of her body touching me. I just don't know what she wants. Even if I cuddle her, she moans. I know these things come in fits and starts, but feel like I really don't know what I'm doing and how to handle her? Sniff sniff, moan over.

poor you! Do you ever take her to play with other children similar ages? If not, try to and then watch how she is with other people. Maybe her character will be more apparant than when with you. Does she spend alot of time with just you?

My ds was like that about that age and then i realised i didnt socialise with other people/outings etc so now i make sure we do stuff, go out see people etc. Uf she has started nursery recently she will feel very vunerable as she prob feels your abandoning her. Trust me that it will get easier though

Thanks mad4, glad to know someone else has been through it. Yes, we do get out with others quite a bit (well, before she started nursery a couple of weeks ago). So just being with her on the weekends, it's a bit more difficult to meet up with others. I was a SAHM until her first bday, so with me working 5 days a week, dd in nursery 5 days a week, I suppose it's bound to happen that by the weekend we're both knackered. I feel very selfish that I expect her to just get on with it, but on the other hand I'm pretty confident that I give her enough attention so that she can feel secure and I can get some housework done. Oh if only I won the lotto...I'd first get someone to clean my house regularly....and not just superficial clean like I seem to do!

Well no magic answer really. Changes bring uncertainties and children like routines. Try to be consistent in your behaviour and how you respond to situations to bring about reassurance. There could also be a number of other reasons why your DD is feeling anxious eg, teething, growth spurt, virus etc. She will also be experiencing different emotions as she develops which is unsettling. The onlt thing you can do is provide love and reassurance. Easy to say as sometimes being a mum feels like all give and no positive receive.

As far as amusing her goes try to build up times of independence but start realistically remembering her attention span is short. I used to put my children (one is 2,2 and the other is 4,1) in a high chair near by so I could do the dishes, washing, cooking etc. You could put a lay may or play pen in the same room as you also. Have a seperate bag of toys for this so that when she is in the high chair the toys are novel and interesting. Time how long she plays alone and then you might notice that it is slowly increasing which would provide you with some reassurance. You could even start to lengthen the distance the high chair is away from you to give you both a sense of independence too.

Hope that's useful but I'm sure you realise that all of us mums feel sorry for ourselves once in a while! A glass of wine works for me whilst having a nice bath!!

Thanks bouncyball. I know on the whole I cope relatively well, but just every now and then it all gets too much, especially when it seems it's gone on for weeks and weeks. Good idea about the high chair, however, when I tried this this morning, she just kept throwing everything on the floor and would then scream if I didn't pick them up fast enough - cheeky madam. Oh well, we'll see how it goes tonight when she gets home from nursery!

I chickened out this week on this issue - DS1 started pre-school (it's a free-play place, 2.5 hours a day, 2 mornings a week) and he was crying so much that I took him out after two weeks. The attempt at putting at pre-school has affected his 'behaviour' in all sorts of ways at home - he is cligny, cries even if I just go upstairs to the loo, or get something from the fridge, he constantly wants reassurance, now gets scared in the dark, cries when going to bed (which he hadn't done since he was about 1 yo). It seams incredible that a change in his normal day stuff (ie pre-school) has such an effect on his behaviour/attitude/outlook. So that's why I took him out.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it looks like a small change for us, but it's a huge change for a child so bear with it, and I think that you (and I!) will need to give our little one lots of reassurance, and be very patient!!!

And I know what you mean about the lottery...

Inthebloominnightgarden, its Hadie from the other thread. My son, aswell as not eating very much was exactly the same for months. He could play on his own for about 2 minutes until he looked up and realised that I wasn't sitting down on the floor next to him and yelled for Britain. He often sat on my lap while I was on the loo, pulling at my trousers constantly as I prepared anything on the worktop. About a month a go he was so bad that he wouldn't go to sleep in his cot at all, ever, and we ended up having him in bed with us which was bad news. We then did some heart breaking, yet consistent controlled crying for 4 days in a row which did wonders and he now lays down and goes to sleep happily and is generally less clingy during the day (although he has issues with going to 'new' places and meeting new people but that's something else). And on a really positive note, its brilliant that you have this closeness with your baby - it puts your relationship in good stead for the future. I would find it really difficult if my son was more independent as I believe he is just trying to show wonderul love for me.