Hi, I am a mum of 2. My eldest (M) is 10 and diagnosed with ASD with a PDA profile. My youngest (F) is 3 and hard work.
We live together with my partner and I am after advice on how to help him.
Both our kids are full on hard work. Both just want me all the time and I am exhausted but my partner takes it to heart.
He is a very grumpy person and doesn't socialise if he can help it. Doesn't like talking to anyone and just wants things his way with very little fuss. He is very stuck in his ways and I struggle to get him to try something new. He has a lot of hobbies Inc riding bikes road and mountain. Vintage cars, paddleboarding snowboarding. Surfing.
He has always done want he wanted even before we met over 15 years ago even when he doesn't have the money and his job doesn't pay well.
My son struggles at school as well as at home. I work part time and his carer. It has been a fight with school since day one and he is just about to start his final year at primary school.
My son has an amazing imagination and a beautiful person with a crazy sense of humour but struggles with emotions. He is easy to trigger into violence and cannot cope if he doesn't feel in control. He has been sent home from school many times for his behaviour but has lessons on emotions and feelings and has vastly improved.
He is very sensory and needs his down time to regulate. He loves building in minecraft and found it a great downtime activity for him but it is very hard to get him to turn it off or limit his time.
My partner and son do disagree a lot. My partner doesn't want him on the computer all the time but doesn’t engage him in other activities when he is home but is happy to tell me to get him off the screens and like to monitor how much I let him play games and will tell me off for it.
We also have a daughter together. She is very girlie. Loves princesses and dolls and dressing up.
She is also a handful and will not listen to instructions. Will not sit down. Will not make eye contact and is the most stubborn being I have ever met.
I try to be strict with her and consistent with her. If she gets down from the table at dinner time she is put back at the table as many times as needed until dinner is over. I make her brush her teeth for a full 2 minutes everytime. I do not give in to her demands. The In Laws struggle with her as well as nursery. She doesn't learn rules.
My kids also fight all the time.
My partner being set in his ways hates eating dinner as a family. My son likes to handle his food but I am always telling him to use a knife and fork. He loves his food and eats a great variety of food but is messy. My daughter is a terrible eater and wants to same foods most days but also struggles with texture and swallowing. She gets down and I am forever putting her back at the table. Today my son was using his hands to eat while I was chasing my daughter. My food got cold before I could eat. My partner is in a horrible mood and telling me how much he hates eating at the dinner table and why can't our children behave. He has worked today (short day)but also had an hours nap and not had to look after the kids or do any house work. He complains the house is in a mess yet never entertains the kids or does anything to help.
I normally work 3 days a week but got signed off work last week for my MH.
I need my partner to learn to be flexible and with 2 kids the house is never going to be spotless. I need him to be able to take the kids out without me. He will take 1 out at a time but never 2 yet expects me to do it on public transport.
Can anyone recommend anything? A blog or book to help him adjust?
He just seems to hate being a family. He shouts at the kids a lot. His favourite at the moment is pretending I am not there and giving me to cold shoulder. He also is adamant he is not depressed but wants me to do more.