4.5 pooping in pants, any advice?

[Sanfaaa]

Hi, so title says all really!

My DD started potty training last October and took to peeing really well. Don't need to ask or remind, she just goes herself and was quick to use the toilet rather than potty. No issues with that.

When she was in nappies/pull ups and she could walk, she would always hide to poo and she would always put her hands down there and play with. I know disgusting and maybe a bit TMI.

My issue is she is now into her last year of nursery before primary school and she will not poo on the toilet. Her first instinct is to run and hide, anywhere where we aren't. If I catch her and manage to get her on the toilet she will go, but it's very small and she won't sit for long. If it doesn't come out right away, she won't sit to push. Did speak to HV who contacted GP who put her on laxatives but they made her go in the opposite direction where she lost control of her bowel.

My issue is I don't want her going to primary school still pooing in her pants. I can't leave her alone or let her go to soft play etc as I'm always worried she'll poo and she doesn't care about sitting in it either. I have tried every method I can think of. Reward charts, treats, praising, explaing its not good, explaining she's a big girl, being cross/upset etc but she doesn't seem to care. It's like her attitude is just oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️

She knows where it goes and like above she'll happily go for a pee. I'm at my wits end with it as I feel like it doesn't matter what I do or say or try, she would rather go and hide than go on the toilet.

Any advice from anyway who has gone through would be great as I don't know anyone personally who has. Sorry its long winded but I really need some help!

Hi

Tough one this hence probably why so few replies

Obvious ones first,

Ensure plenty of fiber-rich food like fruits and vegetables to soften stools and plenty of water during the day to ensure she has no constipation risks and it being easy to pooh when she needs to.

Trying to get her into some kind of routine, have her use the bathroom before playing or going out, give her plenty of time too don’t make it feel like it’s a rush because you need to leave the house in five minutes etc.

Pause any play and ensure she doesn’t feel like she is missing out, reset game times etc to again and have regular toilet breaks and take her to the toilet.
If she has had an accident, say so, clean up but don’t make a big deal out of it. This will be difficult for you but the more you nag, whether she needs to go or not, the more she might see it as a power struggle and less willing to comply. I would just say “you had an accident, lets clean it up” and deal with it quickly. If you escalate that can just feed the conflict and you get more accidents.

Praise her for keeping her undies clean. Correcting her challenging behaviour doesn’t work as well as acknowledging the good behaviour that you want to see. She can only take so much lecturing and nagging from you, while praise will instead inspire her to continue the positive habits all on her own.

Be mindful not to praise her for things she’s not doing, but for the positive things that she is. For instance, don’t say, “You didn’t have an accident all day!” Instead, say, “You kept your undies clean all day!” This helps her focus on what to do instead of what to avoid.

That’s about the top of it really

If its any consolation my son was attending school still in pull ups, the only one. I had to buy the biggest size I could get. I was worried sick I was having nightmares he had major problems and would be in adult nappies as a teenager but he did ultimately grow out of it, just took longer. He is now at University, I worry about other things now….

I’m told the first thirty years of parenting are the hardest….

Good Luck

They are great tips Richie. Not sure anything can be added to that really

@PritiPatelsMaker
Thank you, very kind of you to say, hope it works out for her. They can be a constant worry at that age.

Hi,

Thank you for your reply! I never thought of the keeping underwear clean so I'll give that a go as she loves to pick her own ones. Might help that she doesn't want to get her panties she likes dirty.

Thanks very much 😊