22 m/o dd driving me crazy - I feel so angry then i feel so guilty

[Yummers]

don't feel you have to reply to this. it's more just me really needing to vent. she's driving me up the wall. she won't do anythign she's told. she's completely contrary. she needs constant entertaining from me 'mummy draw-draw!' 'mummy paint!'

even the way she mis-pronounces words is now really starting to get on my nerves, perhaps because she repeats herself over and over. ok darling, i heard you the first time!

everything she wants to do is something thats dangerous in some way. it doesn't matter that we've toddler proofed the place, she'll still find something potentially dangerous to do - leaping off the furniture or rocking back on her chair or trying to pull the curtain rail down.

and the only place she'll walk to is the park. she just refuses to walk in any other direction and has to be carried. then she doesn't want to be carried either so we're just stuck in the middle of the street.

she's really driving me nuts and i have this fear that i'll just lose my temper one day and smack her - something i vowed i would never ever do, especially while she's so young. i know she doesn't do any of this deliberately so i'm completely out of line in feeling angry at her.

you have my sympathy, I too have a 22 month old suicidal elf.

remember though it is a vicious circle, the more you ignore her and get cross the more she will want your attention. It isnt personal, she is hard wired to do it.

Take teh buggy to the park. Force her into it if you have to.

it is unrealistic to expect her to draw and paint on her own at this age but I guess you know that

when you really feel you are going to lose it, put her carefully into her cot with a drink and leave her there until you have calmed down.

that's just it, i'm pretty much incapable of ignoring her at all. so i end up talking to her practically non stop, replying to everything she says so as not to upset her.

it's not that i expect her to paint and draw on her own, it's that i would like to get the washing up done and cook her dinner once in a while, rather than being a constant cross between Tony Hart and Mother Teresa!

I was like you a cuople of months ago

I think its a phase as dd3 seems much better at entertaining herself now

I also talk constantly - just think of the language development you are encouraging!

I work three mornings a week so have a break though

hope it is a phase! i think perhaps not going out to work is part of the reason i'm going crazy cos it's just constant, although saying that my dp helps out in the gap betwixt dinner and bedtime, and my mum helps out one morning per week. i do wonder how people cope with 3 (which is what i want eventually) as i'm struggling so much just with one!

3 is easier sometimes as dd1 and dd2 play with her a lot when they are back from school and before school

she absolutely loves them

I must say I found the stress of dd3 constantly falling off things etc really difficult, I was constatnly waiting for the wails. We replaced our kitchen chairs with big heavy ones and bougha new highchair which doesnt tip over - expensive but it worked!

that's very sensible i must say - unfortunately we're stuck with flimsy ikea stuff for the forseable future as we're planning on moving house at some point this year (housing market permitting) so money is very tight.

agree with all enid has said.

I loved your comment about being a cross between mother theresa and tony hart motherhood in a nutshell

The age she is at now is one of the hardest I think. It's pretty much constant input and you don't get a second to yourself. But of course it's a phase and of course it will change...you're doing the right thing talking to her, it's good attention for her and will make her articulate!

Also as enid says don't worry if sometimes you just need to stick her in the buggy with alot of firmness - they do need to learn that sometimes, they're going where you need to as well as the park, etc. Ride out any scenes she creates about it sometimes...it just has to be done, sometimes.

oh and remember that from now on you can use her natural competitiveness to make going out a 'race' or a challenge; you don't always need to just impose stuff on her, kids can be so willing to do stuff if it's asked in the right way.

And I wonder if you could work part-time? It's funny that I recommend this as every fibre of my being wanted to be home full time with ds, but financially I just had to work - I did two days a week. Despite this not being my choice, I was able to see that the break ds and I had from each other, was actually really healthy for us both; he was with my or Dh's mum and he LOVED his time with them, and I got a break. I think it can help with the element of frustration and stop things building up to the degree you describe.

oh god, baby #2 was like this

It is awful, tiring and so on

BUT it passes. Really it does. And sooner than you think

I think for me the key is that I have a right to some me-time during the day, I don't have to be constantly "on". I might not always get it, but I do have that right, and so it is ok that I need that time.

So if I need time to myself, I refuse to feel bad about saying "I am going to have a cup of tea now. I will play with you when and only when the cup of tea is empty. ". I will say this again and again if need be. I am about 100 times better as a parent when I have recharged. It is NOT about being nasty or punative or anything, it is about recognising your limits and taking steps to avoid losing your temper. Feeling angry and stressed does not make you a bad parent. Not taking care of yourself to the extent that you do lose it regularly, is OTOH not such a good idea.

This IS a phase. I'd forgotten how awful it was until I read your post. And dd is only 2.6-thats how fast it goes. She walks-no RUNS pretty much everywhere I want her to nowadays.

Oh in practical terms btw, I'd consider a. getting her to help you with the washing up etc (give her a bowl and a brush on a low table or chair)-or else a special job of her own-drying up or something. OR see if you can simplify at all-have beans on toast for a bit. Like I say, this is a phase and so something that perhaps can be accomodated, it isn't something you are going to be doing for much longer, really.

thanks HG and FJ for your kind words. I had a word with the woman who runs the playgroup at our local church and i'm going to take her along tomorrow and friday as a kind of trial run to see how she finds it. Hopefully that eventually will give me two mornings a week where i can have some time to myself and work on my own paintings (what i really love to do - perhaps where she gets her compulsively creative streak from!) as well as getting on with the boring household stuff as well. I think that's why i wouldn't want to work part time, as i'd be too knackered, and art would get sidelined again (something which i'm determined to stop doing as i have made excuses my whole adult life)

FJiscalm is spot on - my dd is now 2.1 and so much better, but exactly the same as yours as 22 months. I got her involved in housework - obviously it takes longer, but at least she's less annoying in the meantime and you are doing what you want to do. This is probably bad parenting but the odd bit of bribery helps too.
Playgroup sounds good. I have complete respect for any mother who spends all day with a toddler - it's the hardest job, so giving yourself the odd break is completely justifiable.