What does your 3yo do all day? I am concerned about what is being asked of mine.

[TigerFeet]

DD is 3.6

DH and I both work OTH FT, she is in nursery from 8.15-5pm Mon-Fri. Nursery up until now was great. This term she has moved to the pre-school and since then her behaviour has seriously deteriorated.

She was always described previously as an imaginitive loving child - which is how we see her. Now we are being told that she isn't concentrating properly and is too demanding of attention from the carers.

Now - Good imagination = lack of concentration/wandering off subject in class

Loving and sociable = attention seeking and demanding

It's a fine line isn't it?

It seems that what was OK, even applauded, in the baby rooms and kinde is frowned upon in pre-school. I am really sad about it - I love the way she grabs hold of a concept and takes it for a long walk via Timbuctoo. I love the way I can be doing boring housework and she will come up to me, ask for a kiss and cuddle (which she gets with bells on), then wander off and carry on with whatever she was doing before.

I can see why it might be annoying if a teacher has to deal with this sort of thing in a class full of children sitting and listening quietly to the day's subject... but... SHE IS 3 YEARS OLD FFS... it is not school... and I am cross that her imagination and affectionate nature are being stifled at such a young age.

So yes, I am seriously considering alternative childcare, and this isn't what I am asking but a bit of rambly background.

DD's behaviour is rapidly deteriorating. I think it could be partly because she is being asked a lot of at nursery. The pre-school is very much a reception setting staffed by qualified primary school teachers. There is a curriculum and they learn stuff. Too much, too soon imho. Could this be affecting her behaviour? She is there a lot of her waking hours during the week and this sort of thing may be fine for a couple of hours every day or a couple of days a week. She is shattered at the weekends and dh and I are trying to cram in shopping/housework etc in this time which can't be much fun for her either. I feel she is constantly being told to do something and has very little down time herself.

She is a bugger for sleeping - she doesn't like being alone. We are not actively trying to stop this - very much taking the path of least resistance and trying to make her feel secure by being there if she wants us but we are all knackered because of this and dh feels pushed out because usually dd only wants me and has the screaming ab dabs if dh goes anywhere near her when she wakes at night.

She is reacting very badly to being told "no" - way above and beyond her usual mini-sulk. We are talking full blown lying-on-the-floor kicking and screaming tantrums, several times a day.

I already suffer from horrendous guilt that I spend so much time away from her - up until very recently it was financially not possible for me to give up work. Now it is slightly more feasible but we don't know until March where she will go to school and it is hard to make plans until we know (eg if she doesn't get the place we want I will have to drive her to school. If I need a car I will have to stay at work so I can afford to run it. And more reasons ad infinitum not least of which being what do I do when she goes to school, might as well work).

So what do you think? Is any or all of the above affecting dd's behaviour? Or do most 3yo's have phases like this and I am overanalysing

Thanks for getting this far.

Hi, my DD is 3.7 months and since sept has gone to a private nursery 2 mornings a week and nursery school 5 afternoons(they start at 3 here). She recently started saying she doesnt want to go to private nursery anymore, she was the oldest in her group and we felt that maybe she had outgrown it so weve now stopped it.

From what I can gather in nursery school her afternoons seem to be split between free play and then playing with learning introduced.
Ive noticed a down turn in her behaviour recently and had put this down to being tired from playing/learning and also picking up behaviour from older children in her class and another phase of learning new bounderies etc.

It could be that 5 full days may be a bit much for her. Could you speak to her assistants and ask what type of activities or freeplay they get to do.

the other thing that might be worth trying is to outsource the housework, and get the shopping delivered one evening, then weekends can be much more relaxing for all of you

Tigerfeet, you have already made a decision and it sounds like the right one.

My perspective is that of a dd who has been in ft nursery since 17 months. Just wanted to echo that your dd's age is difficult. They are transitioning from freeplay to more structured circle time, listening quietly, rules. The nursery has their timetable and pace for introducing this. Children are also different as to when they are ready for this developmentally.

There might be a mismatch at first. But they all catch up. You might find your dd will settle down anyway.

For clinginess and bad behaviour, that could happen with any change. My dd found the change of rooms at 2.5 most difficult. But then she settled down.

Now she is 4.5 and in nursery school (not day nursery but attached to a full junior school), her day ends at 3 pm. As it is more structured and intense, it the right time to collect her. She is super clingy at home at the moment, having real difficulties getting her to bed. But I think that comes with the territory at her age, as she grapples with concepts like death and separation.

To cut a long story, the clinginess and tantrums could just be a phase, whether or not related to nursery. And things will settle down, as they always will. I have very little guilt about the WOHM thing - not sure why I have been spared