Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

4.5 year old developing behaviours - whether to pursue help

6 replies

LikeAnOldFriend · 03/08/2022 11:42

I am totally in two minds about our 4.5 year old daughter and whether to seek a little support from HV.

She is very articulate, sociable and academically bright and generally thrives at nursery and with friends, though always needs plenty down time and hasn't ever attended the full week - tends to have a couple of half days and one full day off per week. She can be a worrier and a little anxious and for many reasons we have deferred her school entry so she starts in August 2023.

She struggles with the transition of saying goodbye (going into nursery in the morning which she's struggled with on and off all year, and increasingly now at other times ie when I go to work or we say goodbye to a family member visiting) but otherwise is usually quite calm and well-adjusted.

Towards the end of term we saw emergence of echolalia, and a return to throat clearing that she'd done quite a lot a few months before (posted about this at the time). Had a little chat with nursery and all of us were in agreement that a level of anxiety seemed to be linked to this.

We're in the summer holidays here and so everything's been a bit different, and she's seemed a lot more relaxed, but over the summer we've noticed continuing echolalia (slightly less throat-clearing, comes and goes), and a few other traits that might be associated with ASD - very focused on patterns in her play and increasingly unable to cope with being disrupted when playing, coping less well with unexpected events or changes in plan, coping less well with her little sister or friends playing in a different way / changing a game, and, while she normally takes a pride in listening to instructions, being totally blinkered to these while lining things up or focusing on "ordering" things. New things seem to be emerging all the time that she's quite focused on - for example keeping toys in the right place, fixing a necklace I wear so it's the right way round, etc.

In general she's having a great summer and happy and enjoying her days - and half of me wants to just let her develop, see how things go and not jump to any conclusions or push any intervention, as anything we can notice is very minimal. But on the other hand I'm worried that a lot of these things that seem to be becoming so important to her might get in the way of how she's relating to other children and listening to nursery staff when she goes back, and therefore whether it would be doing her a dis-service not to have a look into whether she needs any extra support or understanding.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Would you think it would be best to just see how she grows and changes or to look at seeking any support?

OP posts:
c307 · 03/08/2022 20:49

We are in a very similar situation. We see traits in our little girl (turns 4 next month) but quite mild and other people don't seem to be overly concerned (nursery & family)

laurenvictoriaxo · 04/08/2022 08:38

Hi 👋
I also have a 4.5 year old girl who is awaiting her autism assessment. Like your daughter, she’s age appropriate with her learning, speaking etc. However she has some behaviours that are concerning such as her need for control and routine. At nursery she seems to mask a lot of her feelings and behaviours but at home, where she feels comfortable, they are seen most. I would definitely try to get her assessed. It’s very hard to diagnose girls, they are very good at blending I’m socially and pick up normal behaviour cues easier than boys so it’s easier blend in. I am a nursery teacher also so perhaps I’m just slightly more aware. I would definitely look into it, not all girls struggle as they grow up, but the ones that do are often labelled as disruptive when in fact they cannot help reactions to things. I hope this helps ❤️

c307 · 04/08/2022 09:45

Hi @laurenvictoriaxo

Can you expand on your daughters main behaviours and traits?

Would be interested to see if they match up

laurenvictoriaxo · 04/08/2022 10:00

Sure! So the main ones for her are:


  • need for routine

  • anxious about changes

  • repetitive play ideas

  • socially ok, but quiet/nervous over new people

  • friendships/relationships are taken very seriously. possessiveness

  • obsessions and serious interests (right now it’s road signs)

  • insane memory, can remember facts about a lot countries and their flags

  • seeks sensory play a lot (slime, playdoh, sand)

  • needs a lot of reassurance and cues at times


Have you had a mchat screening from a health visitor or anything?

LikeAnOldFriend · 06/08/2022 08:54

Thanks so much all, really appreciate these replies and really interesting to read such similar situations. It seems to be a common age for these things coming to light, think it's just as it becomes less age appropriate to struggle with certain things that it all begins to emerge.

I've given our HV a wee call and will speak to them next week and just see what they think. Forgot to mention there's a growing panic about loud noises for my daughter - for a while she was managing the hand driers in toilets etc fine but now can't cope.

Also an unusual one I'm really intrigued to know if anyone else can relate to as I could find nothing googling this, she often talks in different accents. Does anyone else see this? She'll use an accent from tv or someone we know - not sure if it's part of the echolalia but she'll use it in her own stories etc especially if nervous or explaining something.

Thanks again all for replies.

OP posts:
laurenvictoriaxo · 06/08/2022 10:55

Yes! I definitely think you’ve done the right thing. I forgot to add that my daughter also struggles with sudden loud noises. Motorbikes and hand driers are really disliked. I think you’re right, the accent thing is a part of echolalia. My daughter used to do it when she was younger but not so much now.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page