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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Advice needed for 2.11 year old at bath/bed time ..... please

23 replies

bodiddly · 18/01/2008 20:04

I know it is probably just a phase but my ds is driving us absolutely potty at the moment. He is at nursery all day ... and has pretty much given up his afternoon nap there (although he does still sleep at home after lunch most weekends) .... by the time he gets home at about 5pm he is soooo exhuasted he is a little nightmare. He has a snack as soon as he comes in, watches 20 mins of tv to chill out before bath, books and bed. By bath time every evening at the moment he goes into total meltdown ... he seems totally incapable of coping with getting undressed, having a bath and getting his pjs on. He is usually fine once he is dressed and having his milk and books but the 20-30 mins in between are a nightmare. I have tried everything I can think of ... being calm, cross, bribery, threats ... but I am getting nowhere with him. I have success one day and think I have cracked it and then the next we are back to square one. I know it is because he is so tired so hate the idea of punishments etc as it is largely out of his control ... does anyone have any ideas as to what else I can try?

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chankins · 18/01/2008 20:08

does he go to nursery every day ?
Does he have to have a bath every night ? Perhaps some nights he could skip it and spend more time with you, reading, cuddling or doing something calm together ?
In respect to the meltdown I would just simply ignore it and battle through until the job is done. He is obviously reacting to being tired. Dd2 has just started having 2 full days at nursery and it wipes her out and she is nearly 4.

bubblagirl · 18/01/2008 20:12

my ds was like this so cut bath down he was better with cuddly time and stories in bed saves stress no need for baths every day

Original poster

bodiddly · 18/01/2008 20:12

He is at nursery 5 days a week from 7.30 until 5pm .. so it is a long old day - he has been going since he was 6 months old so is pretty used to it but admittedly it has only really been the last week or two that he has been refusing to go to sleep after lunch so he is very tired. He is a very strong willed lad and I am concerned that if I drop the baths some days I will have an even bigger fight on the days I try to enforce it. He has always had a bath every evening .... and he does love his routine. He loves the bath when he is in there but everything is a fight at the moment getting undressed, getting in, washing, doing his teeth, getting out, getting dressed again etc etc ... mind you, it is pretty much the same in the morning getting up and dressed!

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cory · 18/01/2008 20:14

I never did baths with mine at bed time, spent more time on stories instead. You can always wash them at some other time of day- and they don't have to have a bath every day; 2yos don't have BO problems!

dd666 · 18/01/2008 20:14

ask them to get him to still lie down to rest even if he doesnt sleep

Original poster

bodiddly · 18/01/2008 20:26

he does still lie down at nursery even if he doesnt sleep .. but they put them down at about 11.45-12ish and that is probably a bit too early. He is up at 6.30 and we are out the door in the morning at 7am so that doesnt leave much time for baths at any other time of day ... To be honest he is still tired in the morning more often than not so getting him up, dressed and out is difficult enough (but that is a whole other story)!

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Othersideofthechannel · 18/01/2008 20:37

'I am concerned that if I drop the baths some days I will have an even bigger fight on the days I try to enforce it'

This strikes a chord. DS is like this although now he is 4 he understands the concept of bath every other day. In the meantime, how about having a bath with him, it might make it more fun and relaxing for him.

DD is 3.1 and at preschool all day with just 45 minutes head down on the table after lunch. If I sense the evening is going to be particularly difficult, I pretend I am running the bath for me and am doing her a big favour letting her in with me. Works every time!

Othersideofthechannel · 18/01/2008 20:38

DD gets a pillow in between her head and table at rest time, I hasten to add.

chankins · 18/01/2008 20:40

Does he want to try to get himself undressed maybe ? Turn it into a game ?
Perhaps if some nights he doesn't have a bath he won't mind havibg one the next night.

Acinonyx · 18/01/2008 20:42

This has just started happening to us. The only thing that worked this week was for me to get in with dd. We have had baths every night until now - but now I think it will be not more than every other day (and possibly less - I don't want to take a bath at 7 pm every day...).

Actually everything has started to be a battle just now.

We also used to have 20-30 mins TV to chill and actually I have found it works better to cut that out if possible (and similarly in the morning). There is something about transitioning from TV which seems to aggravate meltdowns. I think the contrast in mental state/activity is just too great.

Original poster

bodiddly · 18/01/2008 21:06

glad to hear I am not the only one. I do have baths with him from time to time ... and have done since he was born and he does undress himself ... unless of course he wastes 15 mins avoiding the issue. It is usually things like dallying rather than getting undressed, washed etc that cause the meltdowns. When one of us intervenes to undress him or wash him etc he loses the plot. We always give him plenty of opportunities to do things for himself but he just plays up.

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Othersideofthechannel · 18/01/2008 21:36

Agree with Acinonyx about meltdowns being worse after TV.

Original poster

bodiddly · 18/01/2008 21:38

you may have a point about the tv - I didnt let him have it last night because he had played up sooo badly the night before and he was a little easier.

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Othersideofthechannel · 18/01/2008 21:46

Sometimes in the evenings when the DCs are overtired it's the only thing that keeps them from fighting and frees me up a little to prepare their evening meal.
But the transition from tv to sitting at the table with washed hands is always painful.

Original poster

bodiddly · 18/01/2008 21:50

ds is pretty good .. he knows that he gets one episode of diego or scooby-doo etc and then he turns it off and goes upstairs. The battle comes a little later!

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Othersideofthechannel · 19/01/2008 05:42

It's not so much the fact that tv time is over, DCs are also used to the 1 episode thing.
But when they are already tired, they go into standby mode in front of the TV and they are very sluggish when they have to get moving again.

As Acinoynx said it's contrast in mental state/activity

Original poster

bodiddly · 19/01/2008 15:29

I know what you mean about the tv, I just thought it was a more relaxing way for him to unwind but perhaps it is asking for trouble ... I am hoping that he will soon adapt to dropping the sleeps during the day and things may get back to normal. He is obviously very tired at the moment. We have had a few hissy fits today as well so he is trying his luck all around!

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Shitemum · 19/01/2008 15:34

Studies have shown tv is not relaxing for small children, they have to process a lot of info at high speed. I would cut out the tv and do something else with him instead. A puzzle or a drawing or something gentle that allows him to unwind properly and talk to you.

Original poster

bodiddly · 19/01/2008 15:59

def give that a try then ... fingers crossed it will help sort things out! thanks.

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Othersideofthechannel · 19/01/2008 19:43

Yes, cuddling up with a good book is the best way to unwind in this house. I only resort to after school tv when I have to spend more than a few minutes preparing evening meal and they are a winding each other up mood but it for my benefit!

emmaagain · 19/01/2008 19:48

Often doing something gentle which uses fine motor skills can be a good way to relax after a busy day: jigsaws, building blocks, playdough, that sort of thing. It certainly shifts my own mood if I'm tired and grouchy.

But you poor things, all of you - that's a hell of a long day to be doing every day, for all of you. a sympathetic to you.

Original poster

bodiddly · 19/01/2008 20:41

I wouldn't mind so much but it is the only time I really see him during the day Mon-Fri so it is sad to spend it all being strict/angry. He is in bed by 6-6.30pm every night so there doesn't seem enough time for play doh etc but we did lots of colouring tonight. This evening was much better but we had a fairly difficult morning. I was pretty strict with him today with time out etc and to be honest I think that helped (reminded him that he isn't going to get his own way), he had a sleep this afternoon and although we had a couple of tantrums this morning before then he played nicely this evening and went through bathtime etc and the general wind down without any problems. I am sure it was a one off and the sleep undboutedly helped but fingers crossed!

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pippylongstockings · 19/01/2008 21:07

I sympathise with you greatly. My DS1 is v.nearly 3 and the mornings can be a total melt down when I have to get to work. They seem to smell you have a time schedule!
The best way I have found to get round it is to have all clothes ready night before. Get him dressed asap when we get up. Give in to the hot chocolate demands, and toast in front of the TV while I get dressed.... not ideal but I figure leave the bigger battles another day.
Sorry that the evenings are turning into such a battle - I think I would be inclined to take the easiest route to bed. Sleep for him is paramount if he's not getting any in the day and make up quality time at the weekends.

As always it's not forever - good luck !

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