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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

HELP! My 4 month old wont 'feed to sleep' anymore. What do we do!

22 replies

Lulabellx1 · 18/01/2008 18:06

He is breastfed and cannot get to sleep any other way. We tried bath, cuddle, cradle, singing and rocking but the only thing that gets him off is the booby.

Now he wont do that!

Anyone had this experience? What did you do?
Lu xx

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somersetmum · 18/01/2008 18:10

Put him to bed fed, dry and happy and let him go to sleep on his own?

Original poster

Lulabellx1 · 18/01/2008 18:15

Do you mean, let him cry himself off to sleep? Because he would NEVER just dro off queitly on his own (I wish!)

Im not adverse to that idea. Woul have to pluck up the courage to do it though. What do others think?

Lu xx

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stanleysmother · 18/01/2008 18:17

Bath him, feed him, pop him in the cot...listen to him yell for ages (pour glass of wine and try not to convince yourself he's in pain, because he isn't) then he will eventually drop off. Next time the yelling will be less, the time after that it will be less still and by day 3 or 4 he will more than likely go off quite happily. Brutal but it works as long as you don't keep picking him up or rocking him. Sorry if that sounds a bit Nazi, but once you've got over the hideous first few days you are home and dry. Worked for me anyway x

Surfnicky · 18/01/2008 19:47

I agree. I never let mine (DTS) out and out wail for longer than a couple of minutes before I go in and reassure but am quite happy to let them fuss a little before settling down to sleep. I have found that bouncing/rocking/patting more often than not makes it worse and they'd rather be left to go to sleep on their own.

Karen999 · 18/01/2008 19:53

Hi, I have done CC but I would not leave them for ages. I would go in every couple of minutes, reassure them and leave....and repeat the process. It only took me three nights but after that it was fine....

somersetmum · 18/01/2008 20:51

How do you know he won't go to sleep happily without crying if you haven't tried it?
He has changed his routine and no longer feeds to sleep, so how do you know he won't now go to bed happily? Try it, he might sursprise you. If not, do as the others say and leave him for a couple of minutes max. Give him reassurance without talking and without turning on the lights and leave him to settle again. Repeat as necessary until he manages to sleep.
I spent 8 months rocking and walking my ds to sleep until one evening I was just too exhausted. I decided to put him in the cot, just for five minutes, so I could get a breather. There is no way I expected him to go to sleep, but he did and we never looked back.
Good luck.

Original poster

Lulabellx1 · 20/01/2008 14:23

Thanks guys. Gonna try it tonight. I have tried putting him the cot before, and he has always had a moan. But now he is a bit older and seems to recognise when he is tired (by rubbing eyes and getting fussy) so it might work.

My plan is to go back every couple of minutes and give him a pat and a stroke and then pop off again for a couple of mins.

Has anyone else done this recently? And how many nights did it take before the LO got the hang of it?

Lu xx

OP posts:

stanleysmother · 20/01/2008 15:01

Hi Lula. I have done this with both my boys at different ages. Last year we ditched DS1's dummy the day after his first birthday. He was livid at bed time (obviously) and screamed blue murder. I went up every 12-15 mins, stroked him, reassured him and went away. He eventually caved in after 45 minutes. The next night he screamed for 20 minutes, night 3 for 10 minutes and on the fourth night he went straight to sleep with no fuss. That was that. I did controlled crying again about 2 weeks ago with DS2 who was then 16 weeks. He cried for 25 minutes when I put him down for his morning nap, 5 minutes at lunchtime and nothing at night time as he was so knackered. He still yells for 2 or 3 minutes when he goes down for his day time naps, but always goes to sleep without me having to go in. Hope you have success but i would bank on 3-4 days! How old is DC?

stanleysmother · 20/01/2008 15:03

Sorry, just read he's 4 months, so same age as my DS2. He will be outraged at first that's for sure, but if you keep it up I'm sure it will work... good luck!

Original poster

Lulabellx1 · 20/01/2008 15:12

He will be outraged bless him! It's gonna be a shock... but Momma's gonna get strict. Im expecting 3-4 days till success.

So, do you think i should do it for his day-time naps too? Otherwise i might confuse him if i allow him the booby in the day but not at night.

Lu xx

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cupcake78 · 20/01/2008 15:32

We have been going through this as well. DS is 16 weeks. Used to go to bed well and would send himself off to sleep. Not any more.

Have been bathing, feeding, quiet cuddle time and then bed.

He hates sleep and really cries. Have been going into calm him after 5 mins then 10 mins etc etc. Not picking him up just stroking his head, not talking limited eye contact.

It is heart breaking but honestly it does work. You need to give it a few days it will not work staright away.

Good luck, it is hard the first night I was sat on the stairs in tears but I had to do it.

stanleysmother · 20/01/2008 16:15

Yes I would do it for all sleeps. With DS1 I was a coward and took him out in the pram for his daytime naps as I couldn't cope with the crying too many times a day... i just felt too mean, but once the nights were sorted, the daytime naps just followed suit. Plus i could only cope with his tears if I was hiding away blubbing in the sitting room with glass of wine in hand - can't really do that in the day!! With DS2, who is more or less same age as your DS I started it with his first nap of the day at 8.45am. Tough love is easier second time around!!! Stay strong - as long as you know he has a full tummy, no wind and a dry nappy then he is OK and the crying is just shock at being unceremoniously dumped when that's not normally how things work!! He will soon get into the new swing of things. It is totally horrendous to listen to their heart wrenching cries, but you will kick yourself if you pick him up and he starts grinning, which is more often than not what happens!! Look forward to hearing how it goes.

Original poster

Lulabellx1 · 20/01/2008 19:57

HELP! Im doing it right now as we speak. He is crying and i need words of encouragement! Pleeeeaaaase

OP posts:

Viggoswife · 20/01/2008 20:09

You can go in there and rub his back etc, whisper to him and let him know you are there. He will realise that you are actually there but bed means bed. This is not a nasty thing you are doing as long as you are providing some comfort to him. If he gets really upset then pick him up and comfort him but then straight back down again. Just say in your mind Bed means Bed but still be there for him. I have done this with both my kids and they are now 1 and 4 respectively and excellent sleepers. Good luck.

Viggoswife · 20/01/2008 20:10

As long as you are sure in your mind that he is not hungry, thirsty, wet, in pain or uncomfortable in any way then you are NOT doing a bad thing because you are still with him but just not holding him.

pinkandsparkly · 20/01/2008 20:11

Hang on in there lulabelle, it's so much easier to teach them to fall asleep on their own when they're lttle so you are doing ds and yourself a huge favour.

Your ds's cries will tell you whether he is simply protesting or is really getting distressed so go with your instincts. He will settle eventually.

Original poster

Lulabellx1 · 20/01/2008 20:19

I KNOW he is not hungry, wet or burpy so it is just that he is protesting. God... this is soooo hard. I know it's for the best though.

How long do we reckon he is gonna cry for till he falls asleep girls?

Lu xx

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Original poster

Lulabellx1 · 20/01/2008 20:55

Oh my word he has gone to sleep. Took an hour from when i put him down. I went in (for the tenth time) and stroked his head and he dropped off. I think thats the worst of it over now, the next few nights should get easier huh?

Lu xx

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stanleysmother · 21/01/2008 08:47

Well done you! It's so horrid but you are doing the right thing. I am sure that the crying time will get less and less with each sleep, the worst should be over! DS2 (18wks) still goes mental for 2-3 minutes when i put him down for his morning nap and every day I head off upstairs to pat him and every day without fail he is asleep by the time I get there! The first time is brutal but it's done now... good for you!

Original poster

Lulabellx1 · 21/01/2008 09:55

So... i should definitly do it for his daytime naps too shouldnt I? We have got a nap due in about an hour... just wondering how he will be with it?

OP posts:

stanleysmother · 21/01/2008 18:06

How did it go today?

Original poster

Lulabellx1 · 25/01/2008 17:31

Quick update...

Last night, i put him down and he rolled over straight away and went to sleep. No bother!

Thanks for your help everyone

xxx

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