Teen DD, possibly ADHD

[FramptonRose]

As most other parents right now, my children are driving me mad.
My main concern is my 14 year old DD, the older she gets the more signs she is showing of something not being quite right.

Always had issues with friends, I had to step in so much at primary school, she got through it, but honestly I think because I was good friends with a lot of the mums, they kind of let things go.

Talks and talks and talks about nothing just absolute ramble, going in and out of all different conversations.

Very black and white, she cannot see any grey area. Everything has to be fair, if she fed the fish yesterday, someone else has to do it today, that is a basic example but she applies this logic to everything.

She is also starting to struggle with her grades at school and this isn't through bad behaviour or not trying, she does her homework amd will revise, she just doesn't seem to take it in.

Has no concern about her appearance, honestly I was 14, every hair would be in place, and as much as I am glad she isn't so into her appearance, she will walk out with dirt under her nails, messy clothes, messy trainers.

Writing it all down makes it seem like I am picking at things but honestly watching her and loking at her peers she seems to not be maturing at all and I am so worried that she could be masking signs of something wrong and she is such a good girl at school and does try, I don't want things to go wrong for her.

It does sound like she could possibly be on the spectrum.

Have you spoken to Senco/Alenco at your daughters school? They have experience on this and could offer some feedback. If they believe she has additional needs the can also make a referral too.

I have spoken to her Head of Year but honestly and they did say they would get SENCO to observe her but I have heard nothing back.
I think she masks it incredibly well at school, she is really quiet and although she has friendship issues the school are aware of, I don't think they see what we see.

My husband definitely thinks there is something there but doesn't think a diagnosis would really help her as she is 'managing' just about.
I worry that things will get worse and worse and I feel like I would be failing her if I didn't get her some help.

That's a shame! Maybe ask the school (in writing so you can keep a trail) if they could refer her for a neurodevelopment assessment.

That's what I had to do with my eldest because they thought the same that there was nothing wrong and I've never met or spoke to Senco/Alenco just the head of year, deputy head and head teacher. They reluctantly done it, but low and behold he's been accepted onto the waiting list. Unfortunately, due to covid it's over a two year wait in my area, but this maybe different for you.

I would honestly keep asking the school, but if you have no luck definitely speak to your GP.

There is a charity called "Snap Cymru" (not sure if it's relevant to you where you live) but they can help with the school and tell you what the school must do by law if your child has additional needs. Maybe worth looking into. If you're not in the area there maybe another one like that in your area.

Fantastic, thank you for the information. I will definitely chase the school in September and speak to the GP too.

I appreciate that schools are massively under it when it comes to SEN but I just don't want to sit on it and she starts to struggle.

I 100% agree with you. You're your child's voice, so you need to speak up and fight (so to speak) for what they need.

Good luck and hopefully it's all straight forward and they give your child the support they need x

DD17 has just received an ADHD diagnosis. I’ve known for a long time that something just wasn’t quite right but she did ok at school. She missed all her target grades at GCSE apart from her favourite subject where she got a 9 but got enough to move to A levels. teachers now say she needs to apply herself, is inconsistent etc and this triggered us getting a private assessment. Received outcome earlier this week with recommendations for support. Trust your instincts.

Can I ask, did you find, compared to her peers she was very different, It's one thing I can't get off my mind, I always knew she was very sensitive and struggled with friendships growing up but it almost seems like it is so obvious now, how different she is.

Thank you.

Thank you.

@FramptonRose sorry I didn’t get a notification you had replied to my post!

She’s always been lively and things will go in one ear and out the other. She has many friends but tends to drift from one to another and I’ve also noticed that she is more immature than many of her friends. She gets very excited about new things but loses interest very quickly.

Crunch point for us was when she asked what was wrong with her brain.. there’s nothing wrong with her brain, she’s just different to most. She was starting to have panic attacks and was all over the place in what she was delivering at school.

DH thought I was reading too much into it and was surprised by her diagnosis but already it’s starting to have a positive impact on their relationship as he’s starting to understand that she’s not really trying to wind him up when she forgets things!

Thank you so much for your reply. That is my DD to a tee.
The panic attacks started this year and seem to be a regular thing.
Also very immature compared to her friends. She has a few good friends but she never seems majorly interesting in seeing them over the holidays unless I facilitate it or push her to message them.

School this last year has been all over the place, her teachers always comment how quiet she is in class, she never wants to draw attention to herself but in the same way she will never put her hand up if she doesn't understand something.

She is hugely disorganised and will lose something minutes after getting it. Forgets everything you tell her!

My DH too thought I was over reacting but he is starting to see, now she is getting older, that there are a lot of signs there.

We ended up getting a private diagnosis as we were warned it could take up to 3 years to go via CAHMS at which point she would be over 18 and no longer eligible for a CAHMS referral.