I have a nearly five year old (birthday at the end of August) who's just finished reception. He had a good year, learnt lots and enjoyed it. No behavioural issues whatever (easily distracted but not a distraction to others and a friendly member of the class etc). He does not exhibit this behaviour with his father (we are married and together but Dad works away a fair bit), or our nanny or indeed anyone else. However, we go through phases of him physically attacking me when he loses it. He really doesn't do this with anyone else (we get what I would consider typical sibling squabbling but he rarely hits then - his sister is far more likely to in that situation). He will hit, kick and bite. It doesn't happen all the time, usually when he is very tired or upset about something. He will refuse to stay in his room at bed time and I have no way to keep him in there. Nothing works.
Our Nanny has given us lots of tips, we've tried different methods and these work for a while (sometimes a long while) but we always end up back here. What has worked best is to hug him in such a way that he can't kick and hit, tell him I won't let him hurt me but that I am here to help him manage his emotions. My main problem is that he will do it when I am carrying the baby, on the stairs, near his sister etc when I can't do anything about it and it is potentially really dangerous. Yesterday he kicked me while I was dealing with the baby and twanged a nerve in my shoulder (he doesn't kick that hard but he hit it just right).
It always really upsets me because I have had some MH issues and I think that it is connected to him perceiving me as being unreliable or scary (nothing abusive has happened to them, but there have been times when I've been bad tempered, unpredictable as to my mood and/or very sad to a lesser level than to be a cause for concern - all of his father, Nanny and wider family have been aware of my MH and given support to me and the children so this is not just my assessment). This is under control and has been for some time now, but of course it is his formative years. I don't blame him, I just want to help him and also ensure that he doesn't accidentally hurt one of his sisters or knock me down the stairs! I would love for him to trust me enough to not feel the need to attack me when he feels vulnerable. We otherwise have a good relationship (I think) in that we spend a fair bit of time together, he will want me if hurt or poorly, we read together, sing together, he talks to me and wants to play with me.
Any ideas? Am I right about the impact of my MH on him? Does he need a child psychologist to help him with dealing with me (our very qualified and experienced Nanny says no, but I'm not sure). I'm obviously doing something wrong for him but I can't really work out what!