My 4 year old has started having complete meltdowns or tantrums? I’m not sure which.
He turns 5 in October and is due to start school this September and has been to the settling in days which make him cry a lot (he’s very anxious about it).
He has started having absolute meltdowns to the point where he says he can’t stop crying/coughing/says he feels sick about things that have happened already e.g. he wanted to go on his dads shoulders to get the toothpaste from the bathroom but didn’t ask so it didn’t happen. We then say wait we’ll do it again but he’s screaming and crying that he wanted to do it at the beginning. ‘Starting from the beginning’ used to work when he was 3/just turned 4. He hasn’t had strops like this in months.
We’ve tried putting him in his room but he keeps running away and I’m heavily pregnant so I can’t really keep putting him back in and we try to avoid the whole grabbing aspect if possible because he’ll just cry that we hurt him giving him an excuse for his tantrum.
We’ve tried shouting but again he cries more then says we hurt his ears and again that becomes the excuse for his tantrum.
When we ignore him he’ll just keep raising the volume of his screaming until we end up having to move him because he’s making his younger brother (1 years old) cry.
If we leave the room he’ll throw himself on the floor and cry that he wanted to come with.
So we really don’t know what to do, any tips?
Side note: He’s started being obsessed with his dad these last few months, which is fine. He completely rejects me and says stuff like ‘I wasn’t talking to you’ when I respond to him about lunch/dinner or whatever which hurts my feelings but there’s nothing I can do really. If I respond to his tantrum or tell him no in regards to something with his dad he has a full on meltdown then won’t acknowledge me. Like we went to dinner and his dad went to pay the bill without him noticing and he then went to run through the restaurant and I sat him down and said no I don’t know where daddy is, when we can see him then you can run to him and he screamed like a small child like crying on the floor and kicking his legs. When his dad got back he didn’t stop, said it was my fault and then ignored me when he’d finished tantruming and I tried to talk to him. (Just to explain that he can only run to daddy when we know where he is otherwise he might get lost or stuck behind one of the big doors). He also has huge tantrums when his dad walks upstairs to go to the toilet because he wanted to come with etc etc. He did the same with me when he was about 2-3 ish. It just seems like a massive regression in his behaviour.
Another side note: He has started making this like MMMMMMMMMM noise when he doesn’t want to answer something or if he didn’t want you to talk to him? If that makes sense. If I say like cereal or toast for breakfast he’ll just like make the noise in a really frustrated or aggressive tone. It happens a majority of the time, if I make it back to him when he does it to me he’ll cry, have a strop and say I hurt his ears. It is so frustrating.
How is best to approach his behaviour?
We’re saying I understand you’re very upset and angry right now, when you’re done would you like to come play with us. But it really achieves nothing. And how is best to respond when he just makes noises at me, I say I’m choosing cereal then he’ll say okay and I’ll go make it then he’ll strop and say he wanted toast (I don’t give him toast I say he chose not to answer me so I get to pick and next time if he says toast he can have toast but it delays breakfast by about 40 minutes)