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Behaviour/development

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3 year old increasingly defiant

5 replies

parentingtipsplease · 20/07/2022 20:23

DS is 3y1m and his behaviour at home is rapidly deteriorating. DC #2 is due in 3 weeks and I am expecting further regressions and unsettled behaviour as his world changes so need a plan of action!

We have constant battles over getting him to do anything he doesn't want to. I'm very much of the school of parenting that you pick your battles but some things are non-negotiable, eg something other than an ice lolly for dinner, going to nursery (he loves it there once he's in the car), having a bath/shower a few times a week (don't force the issue every day) etc etc.

I've tried (and they used to work)

  • giving plenty of warning that eg it's bath time next
  • using a timer on my phone so that once it goes off it's time to eg brush teeth
  • giving him choice in what he wants eg ham sandwich or cheese sandwich
  • threatening consequences such as only 2 stories at bedtime not 3

He hates being in trouble but any suggestion that he's going to be in proper trouble means he gets fully hysterical so looking for suggestions that doesn't escalate the situation.

I know this age is all about control but I need some tactics to make the non-negotiables happen without WW3.

Have ordered some star stickers to try a reward chart (particularly for bathtime) but not sure if he'll grasp it as he's yet to really understand asking for some sort of treat/toy.

Help!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ladygigi · 21/07/2022 06:03

Following

parentingtipsplease · 21/07/2022 10:35

Bumping in case there's anyone around with any tips this morning!

OP posts:
Bluedabadeeba · 21/07/2022 13:11

Read 'No bad kids' by Janet Lansbury. I'm a primary school teacher with KG experience, just read this because my 14 month old is starting with micro tantrums, so wanted to get ahead of the game.. it has some interesting ideas.

Lots of repetition (so good to skim read), but with many practical examples, so quite useful.

Maybe someone else has some advice from parenting experience though.

parentingtipsplease · 21/07/2022 17:12

Thanks @Bluedabadeeba will take a look!

OP posts:
Kitkatcrunchie · 21/07/2022 21:25

Hi,
Have so been there and still there at times. Our LO is 3.5.
I've found it's helped sticking with what you're doing /saying - choices works well, sometimes even do you want to carry on screaming or ...
if she's playing around about getting in the bath do you want mummy to put you in or daddy. Framing choices so staying firm on those and framing them as a choice when it's still only one thing happening.
With bath time we had trouble getting her out too so if she stands up for us to get her out before the water has gone out she gets bubbles/particular toy next night.
We also do a lot of talking about emotions, obviously when she's in a state to listen. I wonder if you're angry because...
Your ideas with warnings when things are happening are good too.
We're not completely there but these are things that I can think of that have worked for us so it has got easier, though it is hard when they try so hard to draw you into it all ha!!
Just remember it is a stage, it's usually them not you lol and you've got this!! All best with number 2 too

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